The Let's Kill Claude Request Center
by Aeary
Summary: A drabble series depicting the many different ways in which Claude Faustus deserves to die, from teapots to knitting needles. Request your own Claude death! Rating will stay in the K  to T range.
1. The Teapot Scandal

**Hullo! Welcome to Shadow's "Let's Kill Claude" center. From here on out I am going to be doing short drabbles focused on the many different ways to slaughter our evil, shota-killing, Earl-kidnapping demon butler. After this first drabble, I will be taking requests from you guys, but I'll post that information after this first drabble is completed. **

**The rating for these: as much as some of us want Claude to die a horrible, gruesome death, we're going to keep this moderate so everyone can read it. That means most of these are probably going to be humor-type slaughters. **

**So, in short, I'm getting all of my rage out while hopefully getting you to laugh along at the absurdity that Claude has become. Furious fangirls unite!**

**Beta'd by RedShinigami13 3 ^.^**

**And without further ado, drabble number one . . . **

**The Teapot Scandal! **

**.**

Sebastian's arm shook frightfully as he held the teapot in his left hand, a frown of hysterical concentration on his face. He was afraid to raise his arm, to pour the tea into the small cup in his right hand. The mess around him on the floor was enough to show that he had not, in fact, been one hell of a butler lately.

Why was he doing this, anyway? That stupid spider fraud had stolen his beloved Young Master from him, after all. There wasn't anyone around for him to serve tea to. A tiny part, in the back of his mind, was telling him that if he served the child's favorite flavor of tea, he'd come sniffing his way back.

The real reason, however, was because that stupid Trancy butler kept staring at him in amusement. Yes, obviously, Sebastian was frustrated. But that didn't mean that Claude Faustis had to be a butt about it. In fact, for the first time since he had been born (however long ago that might have been), he felt like crying. Sure, the Young Master was an annoying spoiled brat, but at the same time he was so amusing. Just like a kitten.

And, of course, Sebastian loved kitties.

Claude the butt cleared his throat again, forcing Sebastian to raise his eyes from where they'd been solely trained on the blue teacup. The Trancy butler proceeded to smirk before he said, quite bluntly, "Ciel Phantomhive . . . no, Alois Trancy has settled in quite nicely. He has not asked for you once since his arrival at his new home."

Sebastian's grip tightened on the teapot, eyebrows narrowing down as he struggled not to dump the hot tea all over his cohort of evil. He was boasting! Sure, he'd gotten a hold of Ciel. Sure, Ciel now thought that Sebastian had murdered his parents. But surely, _surely_, his Young Master was strong enough to bring himself back from the brink. After all, Ciel had hated Alois Trancy.

"As such," Claude continued, obviously not having seen Sebastian's glare, "very soon we shall be taking this mansion. After all, it belongs to one Ciel Phantomhive."

As if. Sebastian slowly tilted the teapot, beginning to pour in the steamy tea despite the horrid quaking. No, he would stand by the Manor for as long as he remained in this world. No fraud butler was going to take the Young Master's home!

"And, finally . . . I have decided that tomorrow is the day I shall take the . . . _Young Master's _soul."

_Splash! _

Claude stared in confusion at the Phantomhive butler. Their positions had switched; now Claude was quite annoyed, while Sebastian was smirking happily. The hot tea dripped from the Trancy butler's chiseled, cold face and onto his impeccably ironed uniform. Ah, the delights of seeing the boastful demon drowning in heat!

"Well then," Sebastian remarked calmly. "If that is the case, then I shall have to make sure you don't get to tomorrow."

And then Sebastian Michaelis let loose a howl of wild rage and began slamming the teapot down on Claude's head, taking pride in his Young Master for choosing the . . . sturdiest sets of china.

**.**

**Yush. Extremely short drabble for this one. The length will vary on how detailed the request/idea is, so it could be anywhere from five hundred to over a thousand words. **

**Okay, so here's the deal with requests. Obviously, this is the "Let's Kill Claude" center . . . which means I'm depending on your ideas! What's the worst way Claude should die? Is it funny, or are you deathly serious about ending the life of that despicable being? **

**Rules: **

**You can request however many times you like, but PLEASE don't overload me. Take into consideration that Shadow is a fulltime college student with five other FF projects going on at the same time. **

**Nothing above rated T. Please. Keep this modest for most ages to be able to read. **

**If I get two requests that have nearly the same idea, I will probably combine them. **

**Feel free to include characters from other animes and the like. For instance, if your request was "I want Len and Rin Kagamine (Vocaloid) to run over Claude with their Road Roller", I would be only too glad to grant that request. **

**I will try to get to all of the requests I get. When I post the drabble that you requested, I will post your Pen Name at the top to let everyone know whose idea it was.**

**Anonymous requests are accepted. If you don't want me to post your pen name, let me know and I'll respect that. **

**Please submit requests through reviews; it's easier to get back to you that way, and I'm more comfortable working through reviews rather than in the inbox. **

**And lastly, have fun! Let us enjoy our murderous auras towards Claude Faustus in . . . relative peace. **


	2. Attack of the Reaper

**Oh wow; you guys seem to be enjoying this, lol. Thanks for all the reviews and requests so far! I'll post the rules one more time at the end of this chapter, just in case. **

**So, just to show you guys an idea of the requests you could be asking for, I'm going to do one of the requests I got from this last chapter. This one is from Audacity-CupcakE; they asked for Claude to be killed via Grell-trample as a cause of Sebastian fangirling. **

**Drabble Two: Attack of the Reaper**

**.**

Sebastian narrowed his eyes, circling around his opponent like a vulture. The situation was dire; the enemy possessed a demonic sword that could slice through anything it touched. Sebastian, on the other hand, held only the silverware he'd swiped from the Phantomhive Manor earlier that day. More so than that was the obvious absence of his beloved Bocchan at his side. Most of his fighting power came from the orders little Ciel always gave him. The Earl was who knows where being watched like a baby by crazy demons, which was a big no-no. only he could tolerate the Young Master's unruly tendencies.

Well, at least he knew those demons wouldn't stand a chance.

"You won't be able to beat me," Claude said smugly. "I will trap you in my webs before long."

"I will stop at nothing to retrieve my Bocchan in time for dinner," Sebastian replied calmly. "You have interrupted my flow of time, which is unacceptable."

"It is no longer a matter of time. The fact is, I have your Master."

"Encouraging."

"Enough idle chat. I have matters to attend to—"

"Claude!"

The golden-eyed butler whirled around. "Hanna, what are you—"

"A disturbance has appeared at the mansion," the maid said from her spot amongst the trees. "You must return immediately."

"Very well," Claude sighed. "I apologize, Mr. Sebastian. We shall have to conclude this foolish squabble at a later time."

"Who said it was a squabble?" Sebastian hollered after the retreating Trancy butler. How rude! Here he was, trying to get his Bocchan back, and Claude decided he had better things to do! Ooh, Sebastian felt himself growing madder by the minute. The nerve of some people—ahem, demons.

Sebastian gnashed his teeth together, tucked his dinner knives back into his vest, and took off after the retreating demons. Whatever the disturbance was, he would stop it, and he would kill Claude as quickly as possible. He wanted . . . no, he _deserved_ to kill that bastard.

**.**

The sight that met Sebastian's eyes when he arrived at the Trancy manor was an odd one indeed. Claude's back was turned to him, hiding the other person from view. However, it appeared that this person was presenting quite an argument; Claude's body was tense. From this distance, he could faintly hear Claude's voice sometimes mumble out "Ciel Phantomhive" or "he's mine now" and "no, Sebastian's free"—wait a sec.

Who, in this whole entire world, would be asking whether Sebastian was _free _or not after asking about Ciel?

One person, of course.

Furiously Sebastian leaped out into the clearing, one finger pointing at a certain red-haired, cross-dressing, glasses-wearing Reaper. "I belong only to my Bocchan!" he proclaimed proudly. "Do not think that I am free because a fake butler stole my meal!"

Well, the effect was opposite of what he had planned, that was for sure.

Grell Sutcliffe squealed just like an undignified lady, swinging his hips around wildly as his lips puckered out. "Ah, Sebas-chan, how I've missed you! I will come to you, my darling!"

It was like Claude Faustus was never even there. The Shinigami barreled right over the golden-eyed butler in his haste to get to Sebastian, boots smashing the demon's custom-made glasses and bruising the porcelain skin. Claude twitched once before becoming still.

Grell found himself hugging thin air as he found himself floating where Sebastian had been merely a second ago. Now the Phantomhive butler was at his enemy's side, staring down with an expression that could only be seen as bliss. "Grell!" he snapped.

"Yes, darling?"

"Your scythe."

Sebastian proceeded to prod the motionless form on the ground with the sharp edge of the chain saw, needlessly creating more wounds on the body. No, he was definitely dead; that squashed in face looked so wonderfully delicious. At this moment, Sebastian could hate no one. No, not even . . .

"Grell," he breathed, glancing up into his companion's green eyes. "I could kiss you right now."

**.**

***laughs* This one was . . . entertaining, to say the least. Also a bit longer than the first one, so this is probably the average length of most of the drabbles. **

**Okay, the rules once again:**

**Okay, so here's the deal with requests. Obviously, this is the "Let's Kill Claude" center . . . which means I'm depending on your ideas! What's the worst way Claude should die? Is it funny, or are you deathly serious about ending the life of that despicable being? **

**Rules: **

**You can request however many times you like, but PLEASE don't overload me. Take into consideration that Shadow is a fulltime college student with five other FF projects going on at the same time. **

**Nothing above rated T. Please. Keep this modest for most ages to be able to read. **

**If I get two requests that have nearly the same idea, I will probably combine them. **

**Feel free to include characters from other animes and the like. For instance, if your request was "I want Len and Rin Kagamine (Vocaloid) to run over Claude with their Road Roller", I would be only too glad to grant that request. **

**I will try to get to all of the requests I get. When I post the drabble that you requested, I will post your Pen Name at the top to let everyone know whose idea it was.**

**Anonymous requests are accepted. If you don't want me to post your pen name, let me know and I'll respect that. **

**Please submit requests through reviews; it's easier to get back to you that way, and I'm more comfortable working through reviews rather than in the inbox. **

**And lastly, have fun! Let us enjoy our murderous auras towards Claude Faustus in . . . relative peace. **

**I'm out! **

**~Shadow**


	3. Back to Haunt

**As much as I like doing introductions to every chapter, there's not much I can say when I'm updating this quickly *laughs* I guess I should say thank you for all of the positive feedback and great requests! There are a couple hilarious ones out there right now. ^.^ I can't wait to start writing them all. **

**Lessee . . . this particular drabble is a request from catskid100. They wanted to see Alois killing Claude through Ciel's body. **

**Ah, I suppose I should tell you that I'll try to keep the requests coming in the order you requested them in, though if I don't I'm sorry. I'm sure you understand that sometimes someone posts a request that simply MUST be done in that moment . . . it's that irresistible. Also, a couple of my own ideas for this will probably be mixed in, but since I don't have that many the requests take precedence. **

**Anyway, I'll stop rambling (like always) and let you get on with reading the request.**

**Drabble Three: Back to Haunt!**

**.**

Ciel felt hot.

Part of it was the room; the hideously colored comforter that contrasted with the rest of the room was too large. Claude just couldn't understand that Ciel didn't normally sleep with a heavy sheet. In fact, there were several things Claude did that just plain ticked him off. Sure, Sebastian might have killed his parents. But at least the demon had known exactly what to do.

For another reason entirely, though, he felt feverish. His forehead was sweaty, and he was certain his asthma was going to start acting up any minute. It wasn't like he'd done anything particularly strenuous to get sick. Actually, Claude hadn't let him do anything that would trigger it in the first place, stupid clingy butler.

So why did he feel so sick? Idly the boy glanced down at his hands. On his left sat the blue stone of the Phantomhive family, and on the right sat a ring he'd never seen before Claude had taken him. It sparkled oddly in the faint light of the candle by his bedside, like it was almost living.

Sebastian would have been able to tell him he was hallucinating.

_Neh, Ciel-kun._

The little Earl jumped, raising his decorated hands to his head. Now he really _was _hallucinating. There was no way he had just heard Alois Trancy's voice; the boy was dead! Surely it was just the unexpected fever, or perhaps a guilty conscience . . .

Nah. He didn't feel guilty.

_Ooh, how mean. But you know . . . Ciel-kun, you didn't kill me. _

There was no way he was imagining that. Slowly Ciel lowered his hands, only to freeze when he saw an eye in that golden ring, a bright blue one. This was . . .

_That's right, I'm in here. Can you believe the pack of lies Claude told you? They're ridiculous! To think, he said Sebastian killed your parents. _

"Eh . . ." Said? But even in his memories, it showed . . .

_Don't you know? Claude just wants to eat you. Ooh, it's so unfair too . . . I was supposed to be the one he ate! _

"Claude . . . wants my soul?" the Phantomhive breathed. "But . . . it belongs to Sebastian . . ."

_That's the point. Claude's stealing your soul from Sebastian. That bastard lied to me too. Neh, Ciel-kun. I'm going to take over your body now, okay? I have something I need to do._

"W-what? Oi, Alois, don't you dare—"

_Oh, I dare. _

Ciel screamed.

**.**

Claude jumped out of his seat at the sound of the Young Master screaming. If Sebastian had come to steal back the boy . . .

But the scream quieted down after a moment, and then a deathly silence took over the entire manor . . . one that gave the demon butler goose bumps.

Behind him, the triplets glanced at one another in confusion before turning back to their leader for an explanation.

"It was probably just a nightmare," Claude explained nonchalantly. "I believe he frequently has them."

Timber nodded slowly, and the other two boys calmed down perceptibly. Satisfied that nothing bad had happened, Claude turned back to the current origami request he had been working on. Ciel had ordered Sebastian to stay out of his sight, and that stupid Phantomhive butler would obey every little thing Ciel told him. Truly, he had nothing to worry about—

"Oh Claud-o!"

The origami paper fell into Claude's lap with a soft flap. The demon did not want to turn around. Sure, the voice was Ciel's but . . .

The way his name had been called . . .

"Alois Trancy," he said stiffly. "How did you manage to take hold of Ciel Phantomhive's body?"

"I forced myself in," he giggled. "Ne, Claude, why won't you look at me? Are you scared? Ooh, how pitiful. For a demon to get scared . . ."

Slowly Claude swiveled around, suppressing a shudder at the maniacal grin sported on an otherwise typical Ciel face. Those eyes . . . there was something in that one blue orb that the demon didn't like one bit.

"Claude," Alois/Ciel whined, taking a step forward. "Why'd you lie to me? I wanted to be with you forever, and you killed me. You were playing with me the whole time. That's not very fair, is it? I should get my chance to play too. Don't you think?"

"Danna-sama, go back into the ring."

"No. I'm going to get revenge for my death." The grin widened. "I'm going to give Sebastian what he wants. But only after I get rid of you."

Ciel raised his hand, fingers tightening around the knife he held.

"Ne, Claude. You want to die?"

And then he leaped.

**.**

Sebastian raised his head, frowning as his hand twitched from an order. Ciel was ordering him? How odd.

But hey, if he was called, that meant that . . .

"Oh, Bocchan! Finally you remember me! I'm off to get youuuu!"

**.**

**Haha, this one scared me a little bit. **

**I'm not going to post the request rules anymore, but just remember that requests will always be open unless I obviously state otherwise. Also, remember that you can make more than one request, though preferably not more than one per chapter. **

**See you again soon for another exciting episode of Claudeslaughter!**

**~Shadow**


	4. Mass Murder

**Back again! Is the updating too slow or too fast for your liking? I've been doing about one per night, so I hope that's average enough, seeing as how the drabbles are short. Fairly. **

**This time we have an anonymous request. ^.^ This person wanted Claude to be killed via angry mob, and since there were several requests asking for some sort of a mob, I'm going to put a bit of a twist on this. I'm excited about this one, so I hope it doesn't turn out to be something incredibly long . . . **

**Drabble Number Four: Mass Murder!**

**.**

Claude sat tiredly filling out papers that the now deceased Alois Trancy normally had the honor of doing. Since the master of the house was now decomposing somewhere in the woods, there was no one else to do this tedious work. He would never admit it, but for this reason only, he hated that he was still here after Alois was gone.

Paperwork was torture.

A soft knock came to the door, followed by Hanna's soft, "Excuse me."

"Haven't I told you not to disturb me while I'm working?" Claude demanded.

"I apologize. But you have a visitor. Shall I send them in?"

"Fine, fine, go ahead." Claude waved her off and bent his head again. Fifty pages more, and then letters to reply to before he was done for the day. That is, if he didn't have any interruptions . . .

"Claude," someone said curtly from the doorway. The demon whipped his head up angrily; this person hadn't even the gall to address him properly! Though, judging by who it was, it kind of made sense.

"What do you want here? Did Sebastian send you?"

"Course not," Bard spat. "Look, I'm here because we want our Young Master back. I can't even cook the same now. Nothing looks black anymore. Never thought I'd miss the bugger." The chef crossed his arms over his chest, puffing on his cigarette without a care about doing it in front of the demon.

"You want him back so your cooking can be better?" Claude demanded. "What a selfish request. Now, if you will leave—"

"Mr. Claude!"

"You brought the maid with you?"

"Oh, Meirin, what are you doing here?" Bard asked, obviously just as shocked to see her.

"You _must _give the Young Master back!" she shouted, slamming both hands down on the cluttered desk. "I . . . I can't even lift out the dishes out of the cupboard! I'm so clumsy that I don't even drop them!"

"Are you stupid—"

"Mister, give 'im back!" Finny wailed, clinging to Claude's leg from out of nowhere. "The trees . . . they're all green and sad looking! We need him!"

"Get off—"

"You'd better give that bratty Master back to Sebas-chan," Grelle complained as he climbed in through the window. "It's no fun when I don't have to fight for that sexy beast."

"I can't make him a special downsized coffin without his measurements," Undertaker crowed.

"I want my fiancé back!" Elizabeth yelled.

"My best friend!" Soma cried. "How could you take my best friend from me?"

"Soma is upset without Master Ciel," Agni belted out. "You have greatly upset my friend Sebastian by stealing him!"

"Bocchan!" came a quiet sob from somewhere down the hall.

"Give him back," Hanna agreed. "He's driving the rest of us crazy."

The triplets nodded fiercely.

"Yes, I can't find out anything in London without little Ciel to tease," Lau pouted.

"Please—"

"I want him—"

"I need my—"

"_Shut up!_" Claude screeched.

"Bocchan . . ." echoed in from the hall following the sudden silence.

"I refuse," Claude said calmly. "I've captured Ciel Phantomhive's soul, and I intend to keep him for myself."

"Well, then," Bard replied calmly, cocking one of his giant guns, "If you won't give him back, then we'll take him back by ourselves. Ready, gang?"

"KILL HIM!"

**.**

**That . . . was kind of hectic for my brain. Lol. But it was quite funny imagining it as I wrote it. *laughs* **

**Don't forget you can still request! Whatever way you want to see Claude die, let me know and I'll see what I can do. **

**Until next time! **

**~Shadow**


	5. The Atrocious Lynching of Claude Faustus

**Hnng . . . updates have been a tiny bit slow lately, and I'm sorry about that. My beta and I apparently have some very hectic school lives. But! Expect more updates on the weekends, when it's easier for both of us to work this out. **

**M'kay, drabble number five is my last Anonymous request for the time being; all the others are requests from people with pen names. This person asked to see Claude hanged via Hanna's or Meirin's . . . underwear. *laughs* **

**Oh, also! Please don't get mad because this is a "Claude Hate" story. I got an anonymous review a few days ago asking why everyone hated Claude so much and that he was awesome. It wasn't rude, but if you don't like what I'm doing, then why click in the first place? We all have our own opinions on how we view Claude. I'm not against anyone who likes him. But please don't get mad at me for **_**not **_**liking him. **

**So here we go! **

**Drabble Five: The Atrocious Lynching of One Claude Faustus!**

**.**

"Hanna!" Claude yelled frantically. "Where's that bottle of demon poison? That stupid Michaelis is here again!"

"In my quarters, sir," came the immediate reply. "On top of my dresser."

Claude breathed out a sigh of relief and took off for the servants' quarters. That stupid Phantomhive butler, sneaking around while managing to stay out of Ciel's sight . . . it infuriated him! How was it that this man never gave up? The Phantomhive boy's soul was his now. He wasn't about to give him back.

Hanna's room was the smallest of the servants' rooms; the triplets tended to share their room, which meant they needed more space. Hanna's room, on the other hand, consisted of merely a small bed and a dresser. Claude frowned as he realized the small violet bottle was not where Hanna had said it would be.

"Hanna!"

No answer. She must have already left to get the tea Ciel had asked for. Claude sighed and turned back to the bare items in the room. It wasn't like there was a very big area it could be hiding in. Perhaps it was under the bed . . .

Claude reached beneath the thin mattress and placed his hand on the cold floor, only to find that Hanna did not put _anything _beneath her bed. So much for that idea. The Trancy butler stood up, eyes once again skimming the small room. That meant the only place left where the bottle could be was . . .

Claude sucked in a deep breath and reached down to open the bottom drawer of the dresser, decidedly working his way up from the bottom. In the bottom drawer there were some old photos and documents; Claude swiftly closed it, knowing that Hanna would be displeased to find that he had found her personal items. He quickly moved on to the second to last drawer.

The third and fourth drawers contained nothing but two impeccably ironed servant outfits. Claude had to frown at this; where did all of Hanna's extra money go? She didn't seem to be saving it up. It was quite odd that she only had these two sets of clothes.

The second drawer contained several bows and ribbons for Hanna's hair, along with a roll of bandages for that missing eye. Again, nothing particularly of value, and also no little bottle of demon poison.

That left one last drawer.

Claude swallowed nervously as his hand slowly pulled open the last drawer. Inside . . .

The demon paled. _This _was where Hanna's money went, that was obvious. Inside of this drawer, folded tight so that there would be more room, were different types of lingerie, of varying fabric and size. Tentatively Claude lifted out a white silk thong, raising an eyebrow at how oddly strong the fabric was. Not to be rude or anything, but . . . he found it very hard to believe that Hanna's behind was that small.

Hastily Claude shoved the thing back inside the drawer, only to find himself pulling out another pair of underwear. This one . . . well, there was certainly a lack of fabric. He couldn't even tell what it was made out of. Honestly, how did she fit into something like thi—

"Mr. Claude," came a faint hiss from behind him.

Slowly the butler turned around, back ramming up against the opened dresser. "H-Hanna . . ."

"Really. I had no idea you were such a pervert." The maid reached behind him and lifted out the first piece of undergarments Claude had found. "This will do perfectly for what I have in mind. You're a _bad _man, Claude."

**.**

"Bocchan?" Sebastian questioned. "Not that I'm complaining, but why did you decide to return with me all of a sudden?"

"Don't ask, just go," Ciel said shakily, pushing his butler harshly to get him moving. "Get me out of that place. I don't care if you killed my parents or not. You're still better than _that_."

"Eh?"

But all he could get out of his darling Bocchan was "Don't look back, don't look back, don't look back . . ."

Sebastian frowned and cocked his head up to glance at the Trancy manor. And there, swaying back and forth against the tall spire atop the manor, hung Claude, a white silk thong wrapped around his neck.

The peals of laughter echoed through the surrounding woods for hours afterwards.

**.**

**Oh God, that was so awkward to write. But totally worth it. **

**Keep the requests coming! I don't mind at all. ^.^**

**~Shadow**


	6. Bug Squash

**You guys come up with the best requests. That's all I have to say about this. I mean, seriously, my beta and me have been laughing our heads off at some of these (I even momentarily brain-murdered her one time). I'm really grateful to you guys for making my crappy school days better. ^.^**

**Well, this was originally my idea, but since I got a request that was very similar to it, this is going to spritmind675, who asked for Claude to be squished by the whole animal concept thing. This one'll be slightly AU for what I have in mind, btw.**

**Drabble Number Six: Bug Squash!**

**.**

"Sebastian! Here, kitty kitty!" Ciel Phantomhive glanced around his backyard, eyes flitting around agitatedly as he looked for his devious little pet. Per typical, the little fur-ball was nowhere in sight. Lately the little thing had been running all over the place. Honestly, he was surprised the cat was even getting fed, it was so busy lately.

"Sebastian! If you're fighting with that goofy red tomcat again I'll lock you inside the house for a week!"

"Mrroww!" A small black cat leaped up onto the porch, tail twitching irritably. Two huge red eyes stared in annoyance at its master, as if to say, "I was just having fun!"

"Silly cat," Ciel scoffed as he bent down to pet the silky ebony ears. "Here; there was a mouse in the trap earlier. You can play with it or whatever. Just don't take off again, alright? I don't want to have to run all over town looking for you again."

The cat blinked once happily before taking the stiff rodent into its mouth and jaunting off in the opposite direction to the house.

"Ugh," Ciel sighed as he walked back inside. "Sometimes I wonder why I got that cat in the first place."

**.**

Sebastian spat out the mouse, batting it with his paw into the bushes. It must have been dead for some time; it tasted horrible! So much for that idea of fun. Now that the red tomcat had taken off, there was nothing to do. And Master had said not to take off anywhere, and Master's orders were everything.

So when Sebastian's great red eyes caught the sight of something tiny crawling across the dirt, his curiosity got the better of him. Slowly he crept forward, front half down low as though he were stalking prey. His good eyes caught pudgy, hairy legs and lots of eyes, which excited the cat; this was something he hadn't seen before!

It was a fat little spider. Its various eyes blinked up at the larger being in confusion, not realizing the danger. Sebastian thought it looked quite chubby, and it was funny; he snaked one paw forward and experimentally prodded the bug. Its reaction was hilarious; it scuttled nervously away from the interested limb before stopping again, blinking its many eyes again curiously.

Really, Sebastian mused. His paw was about the same size as the spider. The kitty cocked his head slightly as he tentatively placed his paw on the fat spider's back. Yup, the same size. How neat!

The spider scuttled away at this contact, though at the same time it managed to retain a slight sense of dignity. Sebastian found this oddly funny and pranced after the spider, again gently swatting at the bug. The spider in no way seemed entertained by the antics of the larger creature and continued dodging.

This turned into a small game that Sebastian found quite fun. He would swat at the bug, and it would run away, only to stop as though it were waiting for a new challenge. The cat wondered if this spider was getting tired; it was so fat his little legs were buckling under its weight.

Eventually, the spider stopped moving and just sat there, eyes blinking up at the cat in exhaustion. Sebastian unhappily prodded the chubby butt to no avail; it made no move. Why wasn't it moving? Did it not want to play with him anymore?

Well . . . if that was the case . . .

The kitty pressed his paw down hard on the spider, ignoring the soft squelch. Then the cat turned around, stuck his tail up high in the air, and tossed his head up, walking off without a backwards glance. All that was left in the grass was a dark black splotch.

Because, after all, that had been no fun at all.

**.**

**Lol. Just . . . I don't even know on this one. I hope you like it. That's all I have to say. XDD**

**~Shadow**


	7. A Killer Nosebleed

**Let's dive straight into this one. This is a request from one hitomi-chanchan, and the request is . . . *clears throat* . . .**

**Well, I'll let you read it and find out for yourself. **

**Rating for this chapter: T**

**D: I can't believe I've forgotten the disclaimer on every single chapter so far. FAIL, Shadow. *smacks self in head* Anyway, Kuroshitsuji and all of its characters belong to Yana Toboso. **

**Beta'd as always by the totally awesome Redshinigami13! **

**Drabble Number Seven: A Killer Nosebleed! **

**.**

"Psst . . . oi, Bocchan. You awake?"

Ciel moaned and sat up, tiredly rubbing his eyes. He glanced around Alois Trancy's gigantic room in an attempt to spot the source of the voice, but to no avail. "Sebastian?" he whispered back.

"Yes, Bocchan?"

"Gah. What the hell are you doing here? And why are you hiding?"

"I'm hiding because Bocchan ordered me to stay out of his sight. But I'm here because I want you back. Oh, Bocchan, it's not the same without you! I don't know what to do with myself without your spoiled tendencies. I even miss all those evil orders to dress me up in pi—"

"I get the point," he snorted. "Stay hidden, you annoying demon. You shouldn't be here. If Claude finds out you've sneaked in he'll kill you for sure. Ugh. I'm going back to sleep."

"I don't care about Claude." A sniffle followed, to which Ciel smirked; honestly! His butler could be so pitiful sometimes. "I miss Bocchan."

"And how bad do you miss me?" the thirteen-year-old demanded arrogantly.

"Why, I even had a dream the night before, that the maid hanged Claude with her underwear and you left with me! Do you not see how desperate I am? I do not feel like the same demon without you, Bocchan. Please come back to me!"

"But you killed my parents. Name one reason I should take you back."

"I can give wonderful kisses," the invisible demon chuckled. "You like me, do you not, Bocchan? You might as well admit it. You would love for me to kiss you—"

"Sebastian, that's . . ." A bright red blush bloomed on Ciel's face. It was disgustingly sinful, but . . . well, he did have to admit that he had wondered several times what it would feel like to have Sebastian's mouth on—

"Sebastian Michaelis!" The bedroom door was flung open, a candle thrust into the darkness to illuminate the room. Claude stood there huffing, glasses askew on his face, golden eyes fierce and angry. "I know you're in here! Get out before I take matters into my own hands!"

"Prove it," Ciel demanded.

"But Bocchan," the voice whined. "You ordered me not to get in your sight."

"Fine, fine. Sebastian, I order you to come out and prove your kissing values."

"Oh, Bocchan, I knew you would take me back!" The slim butler leaped out from the dresser and dashed over to the bed, excitedly wrapping his arms around the little Phantomhive Earl.

"Se-Sebas—you're squishing me!"

Claude glared at the two of them unhappily. Sebastian, in return, lowered his face until it was an inch from the Earl's. "Hey . . . Claude, I bet you could never do this and get away with it . . ."

Now, Claude thought that Ciel Phantomhive was simply too vulnerable and ripe for the picking. The child was beautiful, there was no way he _couldn't _have thoughts about making the boy his. But, Claude had restraint. He could control himself when he saw . . . things he would rather be doing instead of someone else. So, when he saw Ciel's lips mold perfectly to Sebastian's, Claude merely huffed and rolled his eyes, while at the same time unable to turn away.

Ciel's eyes widened in surprise as his butler gently pushed their mouths together. Darn it, Sebastian was right . . . he _could _give wonderful kisses. A moan bubbled up from the back of his throat, and he wrapped his arms enthusiastically around the demon's neck, leaning in to the warm touch.

Claude blinked as he realized that Ciel actually liked it. And . . . more than that . . . he looked extremely cute with the other butler. Though that was much to his displeasure, he could feel the blood rushing to his head . . . no! He was not going to do anything stupid while watching this!

Sebastian realized Ciel was enjoying the small kiss and probed deeper, tilting the boy's head back whilst keeping a hold of his back. Gently he brushed his tongue against the Earl's bottom lip. Ciel's face immediately reddened, and his eyes closed automatically, parting his lips as a form of welcome to Sebastian.

Claude jerked both hands up to his nose, gripping tightly before the warmth could explode from him. This looked so sexy . . . his master, Alois, may have pretended to be hot, but that was _nothing _compared to this. This was . . .

Ciel's mouth felt like it was on fire. Sebastian's tongue was even better than his lips, and he practically pounded his lips against the butler's in an attempt to feel more of the burning sensation. When they eventually parted so that Ciel could breathe, there was still a strand of saliva connecting their lips. Ciel slowly opened his eyes . . .

A thump resounded through the room, the force of the crash even shaking the floorboards.

"Oh dear," Sebastian chuckled, glancing down at the still form of Claude. "Apparently no one told him you're not supposed to hold it in when you nosebleed. That takes care of him, does it not?"

"Well, that's pointless," Ciel huffed. "And I was all for having the two of you fight each other over me. Sebastian, take me home. This game was boring."

"Would you like to kiss when we get back?" the demon chuckled.

"That's . . . well, perhaps." The Earl shook his head. "Sebastian, get me out of this place. It's weird. And furthermore, make me some peppermint tea when we get back to the manor. Claude doesn't know how to make good tea. And get me out of this nightgown! Look at these frills; this has to be for a girl. And seriously, it's too long. Look at this; it almost reaches to my knees . . ."

"That's my annoying Bocchan," Sebastian chuckled happily.

**.**

**O.o This one's the longest one yet. I actually thought it was going to be really short, but it kept coming. Plus, Claude had to build up to his massive explosion XDD**

**Whoo, keep those requests coming! They're making me laugh so hard while I'm writing them. You guys seriously come up with the strangest, funnest stuff. ^.^ I love it. **

**~Shadow**


	8. Leadership

**I hate to say it . . . really I do . . . but HAHAHAHAHA! Triumph! I'm not gonna say what I mean in case you haven't watched the last episode. But anyone who's reading this drabble center will dance an eternal jig of happiness after watching the ending. One that's better than Claude's ridiculous tap dancing. **

**So, on to the point. This drabble is a request from 12marina21. Enjoy! **

**Moreover, this will officially be my first time ever writing in Alois' perspective, so please let me know what you think and if I need to tweak anything. **

**Disclaimer: Kuroshitsuji is the property of one completely brilliant Yana Toboso. **

**Drabble Number Eight: The Ringleader!**

**.**

Alois Trancy was bored.

With a frown he watched the Phantomhive servants go about their daily business, allowing his paler than normal thighs to rest comfortably against the thick branch of the tree he was in. His bare feet dangled down into thin air as he leaned forward, leaning his torso down against his knees with his elbows against the cartilage. They looked unhappy, or at least to his eyes they did. Obviously they missed the little Phantomhive Earl. Especially . . .

The reason Alois was in the tree in the first place was because he had a wonderful view that let him see straight into Ciel's old room. The demon was in there, as he normally was at this time. For Alois, whose eyesight was wonderfully sharp, he could even see the little sparkles of tears in the distressed butler's eyes.

Claude had been wrong.

Was it wrong to say that Alois was mad at his butler? No . . . he wouldn't even call him that any longer. That _demon _had crossed the line. Alois had truly believed Sebastian killed Luca. But now that he knew the truth, Claude didn't deserve Ciel. And, plus, Sebastian was _mourning_. This was the way Alois wanted Claude to feel about him, but it was obvious that _this _was the true form of love.

And Alois felt bad for separating it.

The former Trancy sighed heavily and rose to his feet on the branch, brushing off the twigs that had become snugly stuck to his short shorts. He wanted to do something about this. He had to admit that on the inside, the two of them together were absolutely adorable. Claude had forced his way in between them. But really, there was nothing he could do to help it . . . not in this state . . .

"Um . . . excuse me?"

What the . . . who else was nutty enough to climb up a tree in the middle of the day? Alois turned around with a frown, about to knock this mystery person for trying to hit on his beautiful face when he was clearly moping, when he got a glance at the person. She looked . . . like a perfectly average girl. "Who are you?" he demanded.

"Just one of your stalk—I mean, I'm one of your faithful followers. Me and my fellow fangirls would like to help you with your problem."

"What problem?" Alois placed one hand on his hip, pouting at the girl unhappily.

"You feel bad for Sebby, don't you?" she asked kindly. "You want Ciel to be back with Sebastian. And more than that, you want Claude to suffer for all the hell he put you and Ciel through. Right?"

"Eh . . . how do you know so much about it?"

"Easy. Because we've been sitting here, reading this fanfiction while you think about Claude's actions. And, honestly, we want to help you get rid of the problem behind this. Please, Alois, lead our army!" The girl grinned wide and waved vaguely behind her. Alois glanced down from the tree to see dozens of girls standing there, waving magicked demon swords that they must have made up in their own fanfictions.

"Amazing," he breathed. "Then you don't mind if you have a ghost as your leader?"

"Alois Trancy!" the girls cried all at once, brandishing their mystical weapons. "We forever follow you and your short shorts of leadership!"

Alois cackled.

**.**

"What is that racket?" Claude hollered, glancing up from his current bliss of Ciel's pout as the floor thudded beneath them.

"Finally," Ciel scoffed. "I thought I'd never get through to them. They have to stop Claude before I get turned into a—oh, wait. That's a spoiler."

"Before you get turned into what, Young Master?" Claude questioned.

But as Ciel opened his mouth to answer, the front door of the manor was flung open, and several fiercely screaming and squealing girls burst into the hall. At their front was a shimmery, transparent figure, and the only thing the demon butler could make out was a pair of brightly colored short shorts and piercing blue eyes.

"D-danna-sama . . ." he gasped, backing away slowly.

"Your spotlight's over, Claude," the ghost yelled. "I don't care if you get what's owed you in episode twelve—"

"Oi, watch the spoilers!"

"—because I'm going to kill you right here, right now! Ciel! Go and be with your beloved butler!"

"You don't have to tell me twice," the Phantomhive Earl huffed and dashed off.

"You ready, girls?" Alois laughed manically. "Let's do some demon hunting."

**.**

**Ahaha, this was full of so many WTF moments . . . but it was so much fun. ^.^ I'm very sorry for taking a long time to update. This week has been very busy. I'm leaving for a vacation in Florida starting tomorrow, so I might not get to update for a couple weeks, but rest assured that within those couple of weeks, I will get a ton of requests done. So keep them coming!**

**~Shadow**


	9. Are we Improving?

**And so we move on to another exciting Claude-slaughter episode. Stay tuned for more information. **

**I noticed with this last chapter that a lot of reviewers were adding their own thoughts to the end of the second season. If you want to do that in your review, then by all means, go for it. I'm just as fangirly as the rest of you when it comes to that. ^.^ I've started up countless conversations with people after that. XDD**

**Eto . . . well, we are getting very close to our tenth drabble on here. The ninth one is currently being constructed in a Quality Inn with no internet (D:) somewhere in Florida. I . . . don't even know where I am right now. But I'm writing you guys a drabble, which must mean something! **

**So here's my goal. My vacation lasts for two weeks . . . I want to write a drabble request every single night so that when I get back home to my beloved internet, I'll have a ton of them ready for you. **

**Anyway! Here's a request from Second Wind (Um . . . I hope you guys don't mind if I don't announce what the request is; I want it to be a surprise for you). **

**Disclaimer: Kuroshitsuji and all of its characters (dead and alive) belong to Toboso Yana. **

**Drabble Number Nine: Are We Improving?**

**.**

"Ouch! Agh, you idiots! Would you watch where you're shooting that stuff?" Ciel Phantomhive angrily wiped away a strand of blood from his shoulder, frowning at the heavy bullet his butler now held in one gloved hand. "What's gotten into you? You've never missed that badly before."

"I'm so sorry, Young Master!" Meirin gasped shallowly, tripping over her feet as she scrambled to bow at the young boy. "I don't know what's wrong with me!"

"You have shown signs of depreciating skill," Sebastian commented nonchalantly. "May I infer as to whether this is linked to Mr. Claude?"

"Damn right it is!" Bard spat, infuriatingly puffing on a cigarette. "Ever since the Young Master came back, we wanted to protect him from that man. But we've seen his skill! He's too good! Mr. Sebastian can hardly keep up with him."

"I'm scared of him!" Finny wailed piteously as he lowered the pillar in his hands. "He doesn't ever smile, and when he looked at me his eyes turned red! Was he mad?"

"I believe, Finny, that he was lusting after you," Sebastian smirked. "Well, then. If Mr. Claude's presence in our world is tampering with your ability to protect the Young Master, then we must fix that. What would be a good way in which to do so? Bocchan, do you have any ideas?"

Ciel chewed on his dark chocolate cake absentmindedly, a frown pulling his features down. "Well," he began slowly, "I noticed while being held at the Trancy manor that Claude tends to be by himself a lot. Every day, just after tea time, he goes outside and crochets. There is no one guarding him. So . . ."

"I understand perfectly, Bocchan." Sebastian bowed. "I will ready the carriage for you immediately. Bard, Meirin, Finny, please gather your weapons and meet us at the front.

"We're going to do some field training."

**.**

"Don't disappoint me," Ciel muttered in boredom as he plopped down into a chair. While Sebastian readied a late afternoon tea, he turned his one uncovered eye to his three valuable servants. "I expect to see grand results. If you don't pass this field training, I'll fire you."

"Y-yes, Young Master!" Meirin stuttered.

"Ha!" Bard crowed. "As if we'd ever lose to a man that crochets."

"Don't look at his eyes, don't look at his eyes . . ." Finny mumbled.

"Here he comes, Bocchan," Sebastian announced, passing the Earl a small cup of peppermint tea.

And sure enough, the Trancy doors opened to reveal pristine black wool and shiny glasses. Claude Faustus pushed the spectacles up with one gloved finger and emitted a genuine smile before walking towards the table in the center of the garden. The butler sat down in a chair and reached down into a nearby basket to lift a half finished blue blanket that was oddly the same shade as Ciel's eye.

"Anytime you're ready," Ciel sighed, waving his hand impatiently.

"I'll go first!" Bard happily yelled, lifting a gun that was roughly the size of his Young Master into the air. A resounding boom shook the ground around them, and before anyone could see what the results of the explosion, the Phantomhive cook went flying backwards, blond hair now in a big, puffy black afro. "Darn," he groaned, propping himself upright. "I missed. Really, I shoulda remembered to aim slightly to the right."

Claude seemed to have not noticed the dozen trees missing just to his left; his eyes were focused only on crocheting the large blanket.

"M-my turn," Meirin squeaked. The maid pulled her huge glasses up to her forehead and withdrew twin handguns from the voluminous folds of her outfit. Without really bothering to aim she sent twelve bullets flying right after the other in Claude's general direction.

Ciel scoffed to himself. Meirin had succeeded in shooting everywhere _around_ the demon, resulting in several yellow birds falling to the ground. Claude still had not noticed; his face was bent so close to the blanket that his nose was touching.

"AAAAAAGGGGHHH!"

A giant stone bust in the shape of one Alois Trancy thudded right into Claude's chair, completely squashing the demon butler along with his beautiful blue blanket. Finny stood huffing, face twisted with rage. "You disgusting pedophile!" he yelled spitefully. "Take that!"

"Oh my," Ciel muttered quietly to himself, one hand hiding his smiling mouth from view. "Why Finny, I do believe you've just passed."

**.**

**O.o Is it just me, or is each drabble I do getting longer despite what I said at the beginning of this? *laughs* Ah well, they're fun to write. ^.^ I hope you enjoyed this one!**

**~Shadow**


	10. Catch on Fire

**Just to prove to you that I'm doing one drabble a night, I'm going to tell you my various adventures in Daytona Beach, Florida. XDD Don't worry, they won't be long descriptions, LMAO. But feel free to comment and lament on my many adventures if you like. **

**So, to start off, this morning I got tired of riding in a little Cadillac with five other people and opted to ride with my grandparents instead. Needless to say, my grandfather absolutely LOVES Nascar. As soon as we drove by the Daytona race track, he started yelling at my grandmother to take about fifty million pictures. After that, I witnessed the most wonderful thing . . . a TWO STORY MCDONALDS! And a super large mall behind it. XDD Then we got into our condo, and it's one of the most awesome places I've ever stayed at. For the next couple of weeks, I'm going to feel like the richest person ever. Now, if only I had a sexy butler to tend to my every need. ^.^**

**The tenth request is from avtekkenhearts! I really liked this idea, and so it's exciting me to be able to write this. I hope you like it as much as I do! **

**Rating: T**

**Disclaimer: Kuroshitsuji and its cute little boys in short shorts belong to Toboso Yana**

**Drabble number ten: Catch on Fire!**

**.**

"Who are you?" Claude Faustus asked calmly, twirling his pen skillfully in his fingers.

The dripping wet boy curled up in the chair across from him glanced up and glared. "Ciel Phantomhive!" he hollered through chattering teeth. Honestly, did this guy think he was stupid? He could try to drill it into his head as many times as he wanted to, but it would never change the fact that Ciel was _not _Alois Trancy.

Slowly the boy wrapped his arms around his drawn up knees, resting his head tiredly as he continued to struggle for air. The earlier water-dunking episode had done nothing for his asthma problem. He wanted Sebastian; if the Phantomhive butler had been present, Ciel would be heading home in no time. Instead, Ciel had to make do with what he had. Unfortunately, that only consisted of the clothes on his back and a small lighter he'd gotten from Finny, who'd been too terrified to light the candles by himself.

"How did your parents die?" Claude asked calmly.

"I don't know," Ciel murmured. For a moment, he had known, but the memory fled his mind as soon as it had the chance. Either way, he knew it was nothing pleasant.

"You don't know because it's too traumatic for you to remember," Claude mused, tapping his chin with the pen thoughtfully. "Do you agree?"

"They weren't murdered in a village like Alois Trancy's parents, if that's what you mean."

"Are you certain? Is that what Sebastian told you?"

"I'll believe Sebastian over you any day."

"Even if I said he's the one who killed your parents?" The demon smirked, probably certain that he'd won the mind battle.

But Ciel merely scoffed, raising his head from his knees to glare at Claude with irritation. "Even if. But I know he didn't. I've seen the face of my parents' murderer before. Even if I don't remember it, Sebastian wasn't the one I saw. He had nothing to do with that memory."

Claude sighed and turned back to the paper on his desk.

Really, Ciel needed to finish this before it got out of hand. He knew that Claude would never break him, but if things continued, Claude might just eat his soul without caring about the contract. That was a no-no. And so slowly, he reached into his back pocket, fingers touching the little lighter he'd received the day before. It was amazing that it hadn't gotten soaked through during the torture earlier. Instead, it remained dry, the fluid sloshing around dangerously inside of it.

"Why do you trust Sebastian so much?" Claude asked curiously.

Ciel's fingers gently worked over the top of the lighter, loosening the snap carefully while trying not to spill the precious liquid inside. His eyes remained fixed on the Trancy butler, showing no signs of anything amiss. "I don't trust him. I just know he doesn't lie. I know I asked him one time if he killed my parents. He told me no. He doesn't lie."

"What if he broke that order?"

"It wasn't an order. He told me that of his own accord. That demons never lie. Which is odd, because . . . you are clearly lying." The top came off with a small pop.

"If I'm lying, as you suggest, then what makes you think Sebastian won't?"

Ciel stood and arrogantly placed one hand on his hip. "Because he's _mine_."

"That's not a reason."

"You're right. It's an excuse."

The Earl stepped forward swiftly, throwing the lighter fluid straight into Claude's frozen face. The liquid didn't even bounce off; it stuck fully to Claude's glasses and mouth, forcing his hair up into a ridiculous standing position. Ciel calmly stuck the top back on the lighter case and glanced within the transparent plastic.

"There's still a drop left," he mused. "That's just enough."

A small, child-sized thumb skillfully flicked the snap of the lighter, forcing a large flame out of the lighter. He grinned ghoulishly and lunged forward—

**.**

**Two Days Later**

"Has anyone seen my lighter?" Bard yelled. "I ain't had a cigarette in days!"

"Ah, Bard." Ciel glanced up from his cream puff dessert and passed an empty lighter to the chef. "It's empty; someone must have used it all up."

"Crap," Bard moaned. "I used up all of my pay yesterday to buy another pack of cigarettes."

"On another note," Ciel calmly stated. "Did anyone else hear about that Trancy butler? It seems he was doused in lighter fluid and then burned. Quite a tragic end, wouldn't you agree?"

"Bocchan, you are intolerable," Sebastian moaned.

**.**

**So . . . yeah, we're going to pretend that they had plastic lighters in 1889. Just for the heck of it. **

**Preview for next drabble: "Woof." Plus, an exclusive inside look into Shadow's morning IHOP experience!**


	11. Playtime for the Doggy

**Back again! So, I totally just realized that my beta is going to have a ton of fun editing all of these. XDD But that's okay. She can do it. I believe in her. ^.^**

**Day two in Florida! As I had hinted at in the last drabble, I'd be talking about IHOP. But instead, I'm going to talk about the incident coming home from Wal-Mart. XDD My entire family (excluding me and my dad) LOVE the Mentalist. The season premiere was tonight, but we were still fifteen minutes away from our condo and it started in ten. Before the car even **_**stopped **_**moving, my sister and both brothers were gone and halfway up the elevator. It was the single most hilarious thing I'd ever seen. XDD**

**Tonight's request is from aceofspades27! **

**Disclaimer: Kuroshitsuji belongs to Toboso Yana**

**Drabble Number Eleven: Playtime for the Doggy!**

**.**

"WHY ISN'T THAT DOG DEAD?" Sebastian screeched, waving a pointing hand angrily through the window to a smiling . . .

"That's Finny," Ciel sighed, glancing up from his unwanted paperwork.

And then, quite unexpectedly, a very happy, very _naked _man with platinum hair jumped up in front of the window, barking enthusiastically to let them know he was, in fact, present in their midst.

"Oh my God . . ." Ciel hissed, yanking Sebastian's gloved hand down to cover his eyes.

"Now, now, Bocchan. What did I say about cursing?"

"It's only cursing because you don't like it. Sebastian, what is he _doing_ here?"

"I clearly ordered those three hooligans to kill it," the butler defended himself. "I suppose I shall have to reprimand them and take care of the trash myself. I apologize for the unwanted visitor, Bocchan."

"Hmph. I suppose it's not their fault. We can't just expect them to obey orders like you can. They're only human." Ciel turned away from the window that had just been deprived its purity and leaned down over the paperwork on his desk once more. "You can leave it for a few days. It's not hurting anything. But if it knocks even one of the trees over—the ones that Finny don't destroy—you can do what you want with it."

"Of course, Bocchan."

Outside, the demon dog Pluto smiled broadly before returning to its playtime with Finny.

**.**

"Sebastian! I've come to take Ciel Phantomhive's soul once and for all!" Claude ran through the yard, having by now memorized the entire layout of the manor. If he recalled correctly, the window of the Earl's bedroom was on the other side of the manor, looking out towards the intricate entranceway.

Like usual, Sebastian did not appear, choosing instead to take his contractor to a safer venue. But Claude was way ahead of this. He knew Sebastian would probably take the Earl to the game room . . . which also had its own window. That was no problem whatsoever.

Unfortunately, Claude was so intent on his scavenger hunt that he failed to notice the large, white-furred dog leaping straight towards him until it was too late. Pluto barked loudly, thinking it had found a new chew toy . . . and chomped right down on the Trancy butler's head.

**.**

"That's odd," Sebastian mused. "I thought for certain I heard Claude's voice."

"You're hearing must be going bad," Ciel grumbled, struggling to get comfortable in the little hall closet. "Seriously, there's no sign of Claude anywhere. Why am I still in here?"

"Perhaps you're right, Bocchan; my hearing must be bad. Why, just this morning, I didn't even hear your request for one last slice of chocolate cake—oops."

"Sebastian, I'm going to kill you."

**.**

**Yeah, a shorter one. ^.^ **

**This one was kinda humorous and definitely a "let's make fun of the extremely strange Kuro anime" example. I hope you don't mind. But seriously, some of the things in the anime are so whack I have to go back and read the manga just to get a sense of normalcy. **

**Until next time! **

**~Shadow**


	12. Will You Help Me?

**Um . . . today's exciting event . . . lessee. I went to the mall today, and my sister started running around finding all the Pokemon stuff. Then, I got to eat some super expensive Japanese food (Chicken Teriyaki special!) and only ate half of it because the entire thing weighed about one fourth of me. XDD And then . . . *inserts evil laugh* I met some fellow otaku girls! XDD Upon which they laughed unendingly at my short explanation of the second season of Kuroshitsuji. We all know it came straight out of a fanfiction. **

**This time's request is from Totalamuto, who I'm actually beta'ing for at the moment . . . so you guys should definitely go check out her Kuro fic "Hope" if you're into rated M stuff. It's really good. **

**Eto . . . I guess I should warn you before hand that this drabble has spoilers from the last episode of Kuro 2. I'm sure most of you who read this have made it all the way to the end, but just in case you haven't, consider yourself warned. It's a slightly alternated ending, anyway. **

**Disclaimer: Kuroshitsuji belongs to Toboso Yana**

**Drabble Number Twelve: Will You Help Me? **

**.**

The dead body in Hanna's arms shifted without warning, sitting up from its place in the maid's lap. The demon woman gasped and stared down into the blood-red eyes of Ciel Phantomhive and swallowed nervously. "Whi-which one are you?"

"Hmph," the boy said gruffly. "Obviously Ciel, wench. Your Danna-sama decided this was a stupid fight and went on. Now, I order you to put me down. Your end of Alois's contract has been completed."

"What are you going to do?" Hanna whispered, too shocked to refuse the boy.

"Obviously I'm going to kill Claude for starting this whole thing," he muttered offhandedly before standing, red eyes changing to their usual cerulean blue. "If you know what's best for you, you'll go crawl in a hole and die somewhere."

And Hanna? Again, she was too shocked to say no.

**.**

"Lay off the fighting, fellow demons!" Ciel announced arrogantly, calmly taking a stance in between Sebastian and Claude. With one smooth move he grabbed the hilt of the demon sword and altered the blade until it was facing straight for the Trancy butler.

"Bocchan!" Sebastian wailed. "Why are you demonified?"

"Oh, Alois's contract with Hanna made me a demon, but that's no matter."

"No matter? I don't get to eat you now!"

"You can eat me in other ways," the boy said calmly. (**AN: I couldn't help myself. Sorry. There was a dirty joke begging to be put there.)**

"Oh, Bocchan!" the demon sighed excitedly. "I knew I picked the right shota!"

"Claude!" Ciel yelled angrily. "You initiated this entire pointless fight for revenge, just because you hated Sebastian. I cannot tolerate trickery of this sort, and because of this, I will personally slaughter you! Prepare to be annihilated."

Claude gaped openmouthed at the young demon.

"Oi, Sebastian."

"Yes, Bocchan?"

"I ord—no, I'll ask because you'll accept anyway." Ciel turned around and smiled happily at his butler. "Will you help me kill this man? I don't like him. He stole me away, and he doesn't even make good sweets!"

"Oh, gladly!" The Phantomhive butler walked forward and wrapped his hand overtop of Ciel's, the both of them holding the demon sword steady.

"On the count of three," Ciel called. Amusingly, Claude didn't even move; he was too shocked by the current turn of events to do anything. "One . . . two . . . three!"

**.**

"My glasses," Claude panted weakly, one hand rising up towards the two demons standing before him. "Please . . . my spare . . ."

"Are you kidding?" Ciel snorted. "I don't want the last face you see to be mine. Think of Alois."

"Actually, Bocchan, I think he wants his glasses because he _can't _see out of them," Sebastian stated softly.

"Aww," Ciel sighed. "And here I actually thought I was hot for a moment."

**.**

**Nn, for some reason, it doesn't feel like it flowed well . . . and Ciel came across as kinda mean. GOMENASAI CIEL! Really, I didn't hate the ending (even if it was a bit ridiculous). So don't think that I deprived Claude of a good way to die because I wanted to. This is just what came out when I wrote it.**

**I just realized it, but think of how Alois died. O.o Would you want your body to rot away under a tree in the woods? Poor Alois. D: He really didn't deserve to die that way. **

**Guys, I just realized . . . so far, there has only been ONE request involving any of the shinigamis. D: They're making a whole OVA about Will, and he doesn't get a chance to kill Claude? This upsets me. So if you have any ideas on how to kill Claude via one or all of the Shinigamis, please let me know!**

**Another drabble done!**

**~Shadow**


	13. Harryshitsuji

**Today's Florida experience was hilarious. We went to this arcade type place, with some really awesome attractions. Now, we met up with another vacationing family we knew there, and their two little girls wanted to do laser tag with us. We stood in line for about twenty minutes, and the whole time, the smaller girl was clutching my hand, saying over and over again, "I'm so sccarrrrreeed, scared . . . will those vests fit me? WHY ARE WE HOLDING GUNS?" And then . . . when we got out . . . "THAT WAS AWESOME!" I love little kids sometimes. XDD**

**This request is from Sammie-spazzmuffin. A few words in advance . . . I haven't read Harry Potter in awhile now, so please forgive me for not remembering everything about it. The big spider had a name, didn't he? But I can't remember. O.o So Hagrid makes an appearance so everyone knows I'm referring to Harry Potter. XDD**

**Oh. And obviously on the Kuro side of things this is going to be AU. Also, there's going to be an EXTREMELY crack pairing. Be warned. Hopefully I won't mentally scar you. I just found it oddly hilarious. Ciel's the age he was at the beginning of the manga, too. **

**Disclaimer: Kuroshitsuji belongs to Toboso Yana**

**Drabble Number Thirteen: Harryshitsuji! **

**.**

There was a list of rankings.

Obviously, the headmaster was the top wizard in the entire school; the students would feel pretty damn insecure if the top dog was a wimp. Next were a few of the professors, and perhaps one or two of the students. Then were the average wizards; sure, they were book smart, and could perform any spell with a fairly successful attempt, but they were by no means threatening. And, finally, at the bottom of the chain, were the sniveling wimps who thought they were the best but were actually the worst.

Ciel Phantomhive was rather proud to say that he was not included in _any _of these social standings.

Indeed, the little first year preferred not to practice wizardry every day; he never felt the need to. He had his tall, shady-looking bodyguard to protect him from the various threats brought on by that infuriating Harry Potter kid. Besides . . . he could always get one of the wimps to stand in front of him as a shield should they be attacked.

That was _exactly _what Ciel was doing at this particular moment . . . just not quite to the "shield" extent yet. No, he was giving Draco Malfoy a taste of his own medicine. The Malfoy guy may have been older than Ciel, but after all, he was just a pawn on his way to reaching the top. They were all pawns. Except for the knight standing faithfully by his side.

"Draco," Ciel called out irritably. "I told you I wanted Darjeeling Tea. Not that horrid looking potion. What are you doing?"

"B-but they don't have Da . . . Dar . . ."

"Obviously you can't pronounce it well enough to properly ask the cooks." Ciel sank back in his chair and crossed one leg over the other as he frowned at the blonde male. "Sebastian, do you suppose you should turn him into a dog for the time being?"

"Not a cat, Young Master?" the black-haired bodyguard asked tentatively.

"You know I'm allergic to cats. Besides, he wouldn't make a very good playmate for you. A dog it is, the—"

"No!"

A similarly black-haired, intimidating (wimpy?) looking man dashed up to them. Ciel mentally cursed the fact that he'd chosen to sit outside this particular day. "What is it, Claude?"

"Why are you always picking on Draco?" the glasses-wearing man complained. He pulled the blonde to his side and wrapped an arm around his waist. "He hasn't done anything to you."

"It's not what he's done to me," the twelve-year-old announced nonchalantly. "He's a selfish brat, and if he doesn't leave that Potter guy alone, Voldemort won't win because Draco will keep giving the good side tips. Is that not obvious? Relax. It's not like I'm going to kill you boyfriend, Claude."

Claude Faustus pulled the older wizard away from Ciel, golden eyes glaring from the top of the glasses. "You stay away from him. Nothing good will come of you torturing him."

"Hnn," Ciel muttered once they were gone. "It's no fun if Claude keeps interfering like this. Don't you think so, Sebastian? I _so _wanted to see Malfoy grovel like a dog. What should we do?"

"Young Master, perhaps the wisest thing to do would be to . . . dispose of the interference itself?" Sebastian reached down to readjust the wizard outfit over Ciel's shoulders.

"And what do you propose would be most successful in that aspect?"

"Perhaps a chat with Hagrid would be beneficial."

". . . Perfect."

**.**

"Come, Claude. There is a guest to see you."

"And what makes you think I should trust you?"

Ciel whirled around and smiled up at the larger man. "Well, honestly you shouldn't. Think of it this way. Your darling Draco is in class at this moment. I can't possibly do anything to him. I just want to show you something. Is that so much of a problem?"

Claude growled unhappily, but was still idiot enough to follow the child terror.

"Claude, what are you scared of?" Ciel asked innocently.

"Why are you asking?"

"Personally, I fear spiders. Particularly the ones Hagrid enjoys being around. They're so big and frightening when you can see their eyes. They feel so disgusting when they crawl on your skin. And you? What do you fear?"

"I would never reveal that information to you. But I can assure you that spiders are nowhere near my list of fears."

"Oh?" Ciel grinned tauntingly. "What a pity. Sebastian, would you please transport us to my desired location?"

From nowhere the tall, dark-haired bodyguard appeared. Before Claude could protest, the three of them had transferred themselves from inside the Slytherin dorm to outside, at the edge of the woodland area. Ciel smiled happily and turned to Claude. "Are you scared of the dark, perhaps?"

"That's—"

"Ah, so you are. Again, a pity. I love nighttime the best. It seems so . . . sinister. A time to commit sins, where no one can find out."

Claude's eyes widened behind his glasses, and one foot automatically stepping backwards and away from the woods. "Ciel Phantomhive, what are you doing?"

"Getting rid of interference. Aragog!"

_Crash. _

"Ph-Phantomhive! You know you'll never get away with this! The Headmaster—"

"That old fool Dumbledore will never know what happened. Sebastian will clean up all evidence of your disappearance."

_Thump. _

"There's no way possible, after all—"

"I could always say it was an unfortunate accident. The Headmaster rather enjoys my presence. He thinks I'm a darling child. He'll believe anything I say."

_CRASH._

"Goodbye, Claude Faustus," Ciel chuckled triumphantly.

And a gigantic spider that towered over all of their heads appeared at the edge of the woods, its multiple eyes blinking down at the humans in satisfaction. Ciel calmly pointed a finger at the glasses-clad man before Sebastian lifted his wand once more to Apparate the boy and bodyguard away from the site.

Aragog the giant spider opened its fanged mouth, swallowed Claude in one go, and amiably trailed off to ask for a treat from Hagrid.

**.**

**O.o This has to be my longest drabble yet. I don't even know if you could call it a drabble. I just had such great ideas about this one that I couldn't help it. Still . . . I couldn't believe how many things I forgot about HP before I wrote this. Shame on my for speed-reading the entire series. XDD **

**~Shadow**


	14. The Exorcism of a Pedophile

**Gwah, sorry for the super late update. See, my beta has been practically swamped with homework crap, and then when she actually sent me her edits they somehow didn't make it to my end. Anyway, this is an unbeta'd chapter, because I have mucho requests to get to and I haven't updated this in ages. TT^TT The next one will be beta'd, though! **

**This request is from ChiaroscuroLolita! **

**Rating: T for mild violence, sexual implications (nothing that will make your innocent brains go AHHHHH!) and a pedophile.**

**Disclaimer: Kuroshitsuji belongs to Toboso Yana**

**.**

Another night, another kill. To a demon, work was entertainment. The sound of frightened screaming, the squelching of blood, the dying breaths . . . it all amused those of the lower world. It was _pleasure_.

Claude Faustus stood on a roof top, licking blood off of his fingertips as his eyes darted around, searching for his next victim. He was bored of killing every living creature that crawled his way. He wanted some fun . . . someone he could tease around, possibly violate, before he took their soul for himself. A young, pretty girl was a good option, but at the same time, he didn't particularly like what they became: wailing, frightened children. He wanted someone who would stand proud until their death . . . someone who could properly defy a demon like himself.

His golden eyes landed on a nearby church that still had its lights on, even this late at night. A priest would be good prey . . . they were adamant about exorcising demons and would do anything to prevent their being sullied by the devils . . . and that included dying. That was someone who would be proud of their status until the end. Claude's only complaint was that they were all old men, and it wasn't fun trying to turn on an old man . . .

The door to the main church building opened, and Claude cocked his head to the side curiously to see who was coming out. To his surprise it was a young boy . . . perhaps around twelve or thirteen years of age. He was wearing the outfit of a choir boy, and slim, pale legs peeked out from underneath the shorts. There was an eye patch covering on the right side of his face, but the left eye was a cold blue . . . hardened with a maturity most boys that age could only dream of having. The boy was beautiful . . .

And Claude wanted him.

Like a spider he scurried his way across rooftops and down walls, reaching that gorgeous little boy within the space of a millisecond. Before the child knew what was going on, the demon had snatched him—trapped him in his spider web—and had started to run to his lair. Before the child could find the will to scream, the demon had thrown him onto cold stone. Before the child could stand, he was chained to the wall behind him.

Trapped.

Claude smirked happily, finally allowing his motions to slow until he was merely squatting in front of his new prisoner. The boy was even prettier up close, and Claude was proud of this pick. Though still unsure of what was happening, the look in his one eye hadn't changed; it was still cold and fierce. He wouldn't give up. "Your name?" he asked in a sultry tone.

"I'm not telling you," the boy hissed angrily. "Who are _you_? You're a demon, aren't you? Nasty, disgusting things."

"My, my, that church seems to be teaching you all the wrong things. As a demon, I can make you feel very . . . _pleasured_."

"No thanks. Let me go."

"That is the attitude I adore so much in my prey. You're the first one in a hundred years to refuse my offers. I knew I was wise to choose you."

"Idiot," the boy scoffed. "You shouldn't have gone after someone like me."

"And why not?" The demon leaned forward with a smirk and pushed his lips against the child's. The boy instantly froze, and then started to struggle frantically. Claude knew this wouldn't last long, however, and forcefully pushed his tongue into the other's mouth . . .

Only to have it bitten.

"Well, well," Claude chuckled, spitting a bit of blood from his mouth. "I should have expected that. Were you not enjoying it in the least?" He placed one hand on the boy's bare leg, fingers tickling the pale skin. "What a deprived child, to not feel pleasure from a kiss."

"I don't need pleasure from a demon."

"Oh? Then how about when I touch—"

_Wham_.

Claude had missed one important appearance trait in this boy he had kidnapped: the thick, three-inch heeled boots that adorned the child's feet. Claude glanced down at his stomach curiously to observe the small foot, preparing to tell his victim that you couldn't kill a demon by doing that . . . but the kid was already talking.

"Unfortunately, I slept during Exorcism 101," the boy claimed pretentiously, "but it shouldn't be too hard to do this without a proper ritual. I, Ciel Phantomhive, hereby banish this demon from the world of the living on account of kidnapping and murdering innocent people . . . AND FOR BEING A DAMN PEDOPHILE!"

And with that, Claude Faustus, for all of his protests, began to glow with a strange blue light. The last thing he saw before being banished back to hell was the child's satisfactorily smiling face. _That kid . . . he knew what he was doing from the very beginning!_

Ciel sighed contentedly and glanced down at his soiled boot as he slid his thin wrists through the manacles attached to the wall. Yup . . . he knew there was a reason he'd worn those boots to the church that evening. And the Holy Father couldn't tell him not to wear them anymore. After all, they'd done a wonderful job of attracting demons to him.

But seriously. He was _never _going to get that heel cleaned off.

**.**

**This is going to sound horrible, but this would make a wonderful M-rated one-shot. XDD *gets slapped by modest readers* **

**And again, this drabble is a lot longer than I planned it out to be. The next drabble will be one of my own ideas, because I haven't got to do one of mine since the beginning of this fic. Hopefully you'll like the plan for it, and afterwards we'll get back into some of those totally awesome requests you've asked for. **

**~Shadow**


	15. I'm Not a Girl!

**Okay, so. As promised, this time's drabble will be one of my own before the next request. Which, by the way, the next request is Spiritmind675's. (And one I'm looking forward to!)**

**So has anyone seen the new musical? It . . . it was . . . the actor for Ciel was so cute! And then Sebastian, as usual, was 3. Anyway. If you haven't seen it, you should. The music aspect of it, at least, was the BEEEESSST. (Shinigami dance!) **

**Rating: T this time, for . . . well, you'll see. **

**Disclaimer: Kuroshitsuji is the property of Toboso Yana**

**Drabble Number Fifteen: I'm Not a Girl!**

**.**

"What the hell?" Ciel muttered angrily.

"Young Master, that is not language befitting of an Earl. What is it?"

"This." Angrily he passed the letter in his hand to his butler.

Sebastian glanced down at the seal for barely a second before he read aloud, "Dearest Earl Phantomhive: You are hereby invited to the Trancy household for an annual ball." Sebastian raised his eyes to look skeptically at his master. "What's wrong with this? You have received invitations from Mr. Trancy before."

"It isn't the ball I have an issue with," Ciel replied angrily. "Look at the bottom."

Sebastian's burgundy eyes flickered back to the sheet of paper curiously. Located at the lower right of the page, in bold letters, floated two words: **LADIES ONLY. **And the demon couldn't help but to chuckle at that.

"It's not funny!" Ciel protested. "Why in the world would Alois Trancy send me an invitation if it were only for women? He's teasing, I know he is."

"Nevertheless, Young Master, you have been invited. It would be impolite to refuse this." And, of their own volition, Sebastian's eyes flickered over to the barely-used closet, where but one outfit hung from its own personal hanger . . .

"No," Ciel immediately demanded, backing away to sit at the edge of his bed. "There's no way you're going to subject me to that torture again . . ."

"Oh, but Young Master," Sebastian chuckled deviously. "I do so love to see you suffer."

**.**

"I swear, if this is a trick, I'm running back out," Ciel whispered to his butler as he lifted the front of his heavy dress to climb up the steps.

The door opened before they reached it, to reveal Claude . . . in a ridiculously horrid mauve-colored dress. And he looked positively _thrilled _to be wearing it. "Lady Ciel," he intoned calmly, ignoring the dumbfounded expressions on their faces. "We were beginning to think you weren't coming. Please step right in; Lady Alois has been anxiously awaiting your presence."

"Please tell me Trancy forced you into that," Ciel gaped.

"On the contrary, Lady Ciel, I chose this outfit myself. What do you think?"

"It's atrocious," he muttered, walking past the butler with his visible eye carefully averted.

"Oh my," Sebastian announced from behind. "Mr. Claude, are you staring at my Young Master's behind? And . . . is that blood dripping from your nose? Quite a lovely contrast to your . . . dress, if I do say so myself."

"Whaaaat?" Ciel whirled around, but before he could get a clear look at the spider demon, someone rammed into his back, sending him sprawling to the floor.

"Oh, Ciel, I _knew _you'd look great dressed like a girl! I'd heard stories from the Viscount, of course, but I could only imagine~"

"Trancy!" The Phantomhive Earl crawled out from beneath his fellow noble and gave him a once-over. The blond was wearing a light blue dress, and along with his hair extensions he actually passed as a decent looking teenage girl. But . . . what was that red stuff coming out of his nose . . . "What . . ." he managed shakily, "is the meaning of this? There's no ball, is there? You just tricked me into coming here like this."

"Ciel, you look so sexy . . ." Alois sighed dreamily.

"Gah!" Swiftly the younger boy dashed back to his butler to hide from the Trancy perverts. "Sebastian, locate an empty room, and get me out of this thing. Then we're going home. Get me out of here!"

"As you wish, Young Master."

Five minutes later found Ciel hastily worming his way out of his soft pink dress, enraged at the fact that two _men _were getting nosebleeds over him. It was lucky, then, that he had thought to ask Sebastian to bring his normal clothes along with them . . . just in case. Soon enough, he would be wearing something _comfortable_, and then he would go back home and fall back into his normal routine . . . away from this madhouse.

It was just when the restricting corset had been pulled away from his body that the door burst open again to reveal Claude. The demon was still wearing that ridiculous outfit; when his eyes landed on Ciel's half-naked form, the boy caught the movement of a tongue moving against his lips.

"What are you doing here?" he demanded.

"Are you not going to stay for the ball?" Claude asked. "How rude of you."

"I'm not going to stay when you and your . . . Highness, or whatever, are trying to sex me with your eyes." Ciel jerked his shirt on and turned for Sebastian to button it.

"The point was to have you come in that dress," Claude commented idly. "A pity you had to take it off so soon."

"Pedophile," Sebastian grumbled jealously.

"You have no room to talk." Claude stepped forward, eyes locked on Ciel's chest.

"Stop staring at me," Ciel protested, and then sighed when the final button was in place. That never deterred Claude, though; his eyes flickered instead to Ciel's . . . was he staring at his _neck_?

"That does it!" Ciel hollered angrily. "I don't care why you had me come in here like this, the fact remains that you and Trancy are both closet perverts! If you keep staring at me like that, I . . . I'll . . ."

"The thing is," Claude hissed softly, "that I really _can't _stop staring at you. You are so delectable . . . it's really disappointing that you had to remove your dress so suddenly."

"Sebastian," the boy said slowly. "Do you have any sort of weapon I can use?"

"Unfortunately, Young Master, you have left your gun at the manor. You have no possessions here other than this dress—"

"That'll do."

"Whatever you're planning won't work," Claude chuckled. "Demons don't die by ordinary means."

"Who said this was ordinary?" Ciel snatched up the corset from its place on top of the discarded dress and hastily wrapped it around Claude's waist. It was too small, really; it only wrapped around to just beyond his sides. However, it would do fine for what Ciel had in mind . . . "Sebastian, help me," he ordered calmly.

"That's not going to do much," the cross-dressing butler scoffed as Sebastian calmly put his hands on top of Ciel's. The Earl calmly gripped the strings used to pull the corset tighter and wrapped his fingers around the cord-like fabric.

"As hard as you can, Sebastian," Ciel announced, and then yanked.

"I told you, nothing of that caliber will harm me—kkch!"

"You know," Ciel muttered idly, "When Madam Red bought this dress I couldn't find a reason for her to buy a more . . . _durable _corset. Though I suppose now I'm actually getting a use out of this thing." He leaned back into Sebastian, and the butler followed suit, pulling the corset strings so hard they might have snapped if any more tension had been pushed onto them.

And then Claude went limp.

"Young Master, what shall we do with the Trancy boy?" Sebastian questioned as Ciel let go of the corset strings.

"Eh? Oh, Alois? Take him with us. He's entertaining. Let's go, Sebastian."

And they left the room, leaving behind a discarded pink dress, a ridiculously strong corset, and a dead butler wearing an atrocious mauve dress.

**.**

**Eh . . . this didn't turn out as well as I had planned it to be, but . . . it was one of those things that kind of don't come out of your brain the way you thought it was going to. I even thought about deleting it and starting over at one point, but I decided not to do that. On the bright side, it had an ending that didn't involve Alois being dead. XDD **

**It's . . . kind of long for a drabble . . . it's more like a one-shot. *laughs* Once the story line came out I realized that it would need more than just about 100 words to wrap everything up, and . . . yeah, it came out pretty long. But anyway. The next one is another request, and I'm looking forward to it! I hope you are too. **

**~Shadow**


	16. Use the Force, Sebastian!

**We're going to get back into requests now; there are quite a few left to get to and I've been going a tad bit too slowly for my own liking . . . but anyway. I'm thinking I can start coming out with these faster now. I just have to tell myself not to write such long drabbles. They get longer every time. D: **

**This request is from Spiritmind675! AU, because even though I'm not using Star Wars characters or anything, I wanted the plot line to be more modernistic. **

**Rating: T for . . . uh . . . strangulation? **

**Disclaimer: Kuroshitsuji is, as always, the property of Toboso Yana.**

**Drabble Number Sixteen: Use the Force, Sebastian!**

**

* * *

**

"I will take that soul from you."

The man was tall, with a firm, square jaw and piercing golden eyes. In his hand he clutched a red lightsaber, specially formatted to take care of opponents with different body structures than most of the Sith. The person standing across from him was one of these . . . someone who had withstood most other attacks from his own kind.

"I won't let you have him. You have your own soul to keep."

This one's eyes were red, and though he was just a tad bit shorter than the other man, he was no less fierce. A similar red saber was held in a gloved grip, the design far more sleek than the other's bulky weapon. Both were Sith, both were evil . . .

"Sebastian . . ."

"Claude . . ."

. . . And both of them were squabbling like naughty little children.

Off to the side, two apprentices lounged on a couch, watching the proceedings with looks that could only be explained as being utterly bored. The blonde was busy fiddling with his own saber; he claimed he was trying to see if he could change its color. The teal-haired boy was dozing, opening one cerulean eye every few minutes to watch the two arguing Sith. To them, this was nothing new. The blonde wasn't the best Dark Lord out there, and his master seemed to know that. The fighting was over the teal-haired boy; Claude had decided that he wanted the young prodigy for himself, and was willing to do whatever he had to in order to obtain him. The boy let the two duke it out, but he would never go along with the plot in the end. He was quite pleased with his master, after all.

"Ciel . . ." the blonde moaned tiredly. "How long do you think it will last this time? I want to get back. I'm starving."

"Sebastian will kick Claude's butt," Ciel replied indifferently. "I'm sure it won't be too much longer. Alois, your master is lazy. Maybe that's why you don't have proper training."

"Tell me about it," Alois grumbled, pulling the base of his lightsaber off.

Meanwhile, Sebastian had replaced his saber at his waist, leaving both hands empty. "This is getting out of hand. Shall we test each other in the ways of the Force? I will outmatch you. I am sure of it."

"I doubt that." Claude replicated Sebastian's movements, a confident smirk adorning his bespectacled face. "I will prove that I am worthy to take the boy as my apprentice."

"Sebastian's going to kill him," Ciel announced calmly.

"Be my guest," Alois growled.

Claude raised his hands in a gesture announcing the future use of crackling blue bolts. However, before he could utilize the self-made weapon, Sebastian tsked and merely raised one of his hands. "What are you doing? You'll never kill me that way."

"Of course I can. This is the most effective way to decapitate an enemy. Have you not learned anything?"

"The point, Darth Claude," Sebastian chuckled, twitching his fingers inward, "is that any apprentice knows the most effective way to kill your opponent using the Force is through strangling them."

Claude's golden eyes widened at his own mistake, and then began to blindly grasp at the invisible hand wrapped around his neck. The struggling reminded the other three of a dying spider, and the blonde boy let out a soft, amused laugh. "Sebastian, do you think you could take on an extra apprentice?"

"It depends," the Dark Lord said amiably as he clenched his fingers tighter. "Are you as much of an idiot as he is?"

"I doubt anyone could be that stupid," Ciel remarked.

"A very good point, Ciel. Very well. Alois shall be coming with us."

"N-no!" Claude choked out.

"No?" Sebastian raised an eyebrow towards the suffocating man. "I thought you didn't want him anymore. Isn't this fair? He can finally be trained to become strong. I sense much potential in him. As for you . . ."

Sebastian squeezed his hand into a fist.

_Thud_.

"_Now _can we go?" Alois moaned. "I'm starving!"

* * *

**Ooh, look at that. It can actually be considered a drabble this time. I feel slightly proud of myself. **

**Thanks for reading, as always! And keep those utterly amusing requests coming. :)**

**~Shadow**


	17. A Hollow Intervention

**FFFFF, you guys are awesome . . . *tackles* I received a whopping 20 reviews for the last drabble, not to mention a couple totally hilarious requests that I can't wait to get to. Virtual hugs to everyone! **

**This time's request is from animeluvv. :3**

**Disclaimer: Kuroshitsuji is the property of Toboso Yana (and Bleach is Tite Kubo's, lol)**

**Rating: T**

**Warnings: Gore (I'm feeling kind of angry today, so yeah) and violence. **

**Drabble Seventeen: A Hollow Intervention!**

**.**

How Claude had gotten a hold of such a thing, none of them would ever know.

The duel had started off in a friendly match—if you could call a squabble from two demons over one child's soul "friendly"—and had since then branched out. Now Alois and Ciel had retreated to the safety of the surrounding trees to avoid getting hit by the battling butlers, Hanna had gone back to the mansion, and the triplets just stood there, apparently uncaring about the events circling around them. It was clear that Claude had something hidden up his sleeve, and Sebastian . . . well, he didn't need anything extra to top that phony butler.

However, when Claude let loose that . . . _thing_, it had all of them panicking. It was scary, giant—at least three times the size of the surrounding trees!—and extremely ugly, to such an extent that Alois had decided to forget Ciel hated him and grabbed a hold of him in fear. On the other side, Ciel too seemed to have put aside their differences long enough to squeak and push his head against his blonde companion's shoulder.

Down below, Claude was prepared to reap the benefits of bringing such a creature into the clearing. "You see, it is a soul gone bad," the butler explained gleefully. And indeed, there was a hideously large hole right where its heart might have been. Claude himself had not been able to beat this monstrosity. No, he had taken it upon making a deal with the creature, one that even he was not too sure about. Because of that, he was certain that _Sebastian_, of all demons, would not be able to defeat it.

He might have gotten away with it if it weren't for the fact that he had broken two rules by taking this creature. One, a person is not to take one of the monster-like things from the world they came from, and two, you are certainly _not _supposed to use something so explicitly evil to your advantage. And just as Claude, Hanna, and the triplets had their eyes locked on the giant creep, Sebastian was not so worried about that and more so concerned about the speck in the sky that was getting rapidly closer.

The unidentified object crashed down with a loud thump, finally making all eyes avert to this . . . midget-sized person standing in between the quarreling butlers. He had white hair that stuck up in all directions and a sword with a strange design was strapped to his waist. "And who," Claude proclaimed proudly—he was still basking in a premature victory—"are you?"

"Soul Society, Captain Hitsugaya, squad ten. Which idiot stole the Hollow?"

All hands instantly raised pointers and aimed them towards Claude; the glasses-clad demon really stood no chance. The white-haired boy cocked his head to the side for just a moment before unsheathing his sword. To the observers' amusement, Claude began stuttering excuses for having the creature called a "Hollow". Luckily, the Hitsugaya character did not believe a single one of them and instead glanced over at Sebastian.

"Did you have anything do with this?"

Sagely the more powerful demon shook his head while responding with a curt, "I don't even know what that is." Captain Hitsugaya, as he appeared to be called, accepted this without another word and turned back to Claude.

Needless to say, there wasn't a single observer that didn't expect what was coming to the spider demon.

There was an indignant protest, a sharp scream, and then a loud splat as the two halves of Claude Faustus fell onto the ground. "No!" Alois cried from the trees, though the others suspected that was only out of instinct and not out of anguish. Sebastian felt it only prudent at that point to bow to their savior, and he did just so.

The white-haired boy took this in stride and waved him off. "Make sure this doesn't happen again," were his parting words before he aimed his weapon, destroyed the "Hollow" that Claude had brought along with him, and promptly disappeared from view.

"How odd," Sebastian muttered.

Silence followed this statement, but only for a moment. Because . . .

There was another scream and splat as Ciel felt it necessary to dispose of both of the perpetrators.

**.**

**TT^TT Ciel pushed Alois out of the tree, lol. They've been too buddy-buddy in these drabbles anyway. They didn't get along in the anime, after all. XD GOMEN, ALOIS! I STILL LURV YOU!**

**I wrote this thing in such a weird style. D: I hope you don't mind. It just started out this way and I wanted to keep it going through the entire drabble. Anyway. Until next time!**

**~Shadow**


	18. Meat is More Rotten on the Other Side

**I'm thinking I'm going to update the drabble center once a week; a long enough wait for everyone to find the time to read it before I start shoving a ton at you at once, but short enough that you don't go "Come oooonnnn, does this thing EVER update?" **

**This time it's an Anonymous request. I have to be honest, when I saw this my thoughts were along the lines of "Why in the world is everyone sticking Kuro with DINOSAURS?" But then I found an interview fanfic that talked about Barney . . . and then I sort of got the gist of those requests. *laughs* Anyway. Yes. This drabble is about our beloved characters as dinosaurs, so . . . um . . . well. It's pretty darn AU. If it's not, I don't know what it is. If you remember all the way back to the Bug Squash drabble (chapter six), this one is written the same way.**

**Rating: K+; I'll be nice and give you something modest instead of violent. Though I don't know how well that's going to work out given the situation . . . I guess the only warning would be to prepare you for how stupid this might sound. *laughs nervously***

**To be clear: I'm not going to give the raptors names, but you should be able to tell pretty easily who is who. **

**Disclaimer: Kuroshitsuji is the property of . . . okay, yeah. You should know the drill by now. **

**Drabble Number Eighteen: Meat is More Rotten on the Other Side**

**.**

There were only two things carnivorous dinosaurs liked to eat: herbivores and fellow carnivores that smelled too good to be true. After all, there came a time when their regular food grew too bland. They wanted something _better _to wrap their teeth around once in awhile.

Raptors in particular were not afraid to eat their own loving primates. And in this forest, there were two that would not stop at anything to get the meal they desired. There was a short one with glaring cerulean eyes; he was a pig and always took as much as he could, even if he couldn't finish it all. The other was much taller, with glowing red eyes; he was more calculating, and he planned out exactly what he was going to do beforehand.

At this point in time, food was scarce. The lands had frozen, and most of the herbivores the raptors loved to eat had moved to warmer ground. The raptors should have too, for that matter, but they liked being loners in their own sense. Unfortunately for the other remaining dinosaurs, they were _hungry_ . . . well. Actually, starving. They tried to eat everything that moved at that point. If they'd waited much longer, they might have even tried to eat what was left of the greens, and _that _was a revolting idea.

It came as no surprise, then, that when these two raptors happened across one of their own kind, they both wanted to eat it. The golden-eyed raptor standing in front of them was hardly anything more than skin and bones itself, but it would be something to eat. The taller raptor chanced upon it first, and with a wild grin that showed off sharp, rotting teeth, he crept forward—

Just to be apprehended by the shorter raptor. He snarled angrily at the blue-eyed shortie and tried to push through, but his opponent wouldn't allow it. He didn't seem to care that the taller one had spotted the meal first. He was hungry, and he was going to get what he wanted. Besides, if this fight ended well, that could very well mean extra meat . . .

_Wham! _

The short raptor stumbled backwards from the force of the hit. Oh, how dare he! Well, if he wanted an all-out brawl, he would be only too willing to give it. Size didn't matter much anyway. He was good at fighting to get what he wanted. He wouldn't lose; he hadn't lost a match yet. Just because this guy was huge, it didn't mean he couldn't hold his own . . .

The blue-eyed raptor dashed forward and dug his teeth into his opponent's shoulder. The tall one retaliated immediately by digging his claws into a carelessly flung-out flank, and then that was the last straw. Both of them attacked with a fervor, completely forgetting about the meal they were trying to get in favor for destroying the other. In fact, they might have continued on for awhile if it weren't for one thing . . .

_Chomp. Chomp. Chomp. _

Both raptors froze and turned towards their prospective meal. A fourth raptor was now present, docilely eating off of the golden-eyed dinosaur's skinny arm. Upon noticing that the raptors had stopped fighting, it casually let the dead arm fall from its mouth and turned to face them. It stared at them with just one eye; the left had a huge scar down a closed eyelid. It was even smaller than the cerulean-eyed raptor, but the other two realized that it could probably kill both of them much more easily than they could kill him. The one eyeball roved up and down their bodies, as though weighing how much more food it could stand to take with it.

He looked quite hungry . . .

The two fighting raptors decided that they could stand to be hungry for just a little while longer.

**.**

**PFFT. This was . . . well. Surprisingly enough it flowed out easily, so I'm not complaining. It was fun to write. *laughs* **

**Hope you enjoyed! Thanks for reading, as always! **

**P.S. All the reviews you guys left me last time made me want to squeal. You're all so awesome. I'm giving everyone virtual hugs, kay? Kay. **

**~Shadow**


	19. Frog Soup

**Ooh, look, it's Friday! XD **

**This request is from Rennes. And I have to admit; I went back and read the review they left me several times before I started writing. XD My brain kept saying: "No. I don't want to understand what's going on here." D: **

**Rating: T for . . . boilage? Yeah. That. **

**This drabble is told in Ciel's point of view, even though he's not actively taking part in the Claude killage this time. I wanted to try writing from an outsider's perspective. **

**Disclaimer: Kuroshitsuji belongs too one awesome Toboso Yana**

**Drabble Nineteen: Frog Soup!**

**.**

They were at it _again. _

It had to have been the tenth time this month alone that Ciel found himself sitting beside the insufferable Alois Trancy, watching the butlers fix a light lunch for their masters. And, as usual, they were fighting through the entire thing. From Ciel's vantage point above them, he could tell that Sebastian's apple peels were heading straight into Claude's hair and that the vegetable grease in Claude's hands was splattering all over Sebastian's coat.

"One of these days," the teal-haired Earl commented idly, "Claude is going to go too far, and Sebastian is going to take real action."

Alois turned an arrogant eye to his guest and smirked. "I wouldn't be surprised. However, don't think that Claude can't hold his own. I'd be ashamed if he couldn't."

"We'll just see when the time comes, I suppose." Ciel returned the smirk and faced forward. "Oh? Looks like that event may take place sooner rather than later. Claude is taking a chance."

The spider demon had abandoned his mini-kitchen; he now stood right beside Sebastian, very conspicuously pouring his vegetable grease into the batter for a cake. "I wouldn't eat that if I were you," Alois snorted.

"If he keeps this up I'll be eating back at my manor anyway. It won't matter." Ciel leaned back in his chair contentedly and ran a hand down the front of his ever impeccable outfit to smooth it out. "Your butler doesn't know when to stop, does he? Sebastian doesn't like it when someone ruins his meals."

"He'll get over it," the blonde laughed. "What in the world is he getting out?"

"A huge pot," Ciel mused sarcastically. "Oh my; I wonder what that is for . . ."

"Boiling water, apparently," Alois muttered as they watched Sebastian light a fire beneath the large pot. "What does he have to boil water for?"

"Let's just watch and find out, shall we?"

Sebastian was obviously ignoring Claude's attempts at badgering him. Instead he stood dutifully next to the pot of water until bubbles were popping from the top and the bottom was a molten red. This was followed by him walking down to the nearby pond, where he rolled up his sleeves and pants legs, slipped off his pristine shoes, and waded into the shallows.

"Oh, he's done this once before," Ciel commented jovially. "How interesting."

"He's done _what_ before? What is he going to do?" Alois demanded.

"He's going to boil Claude along with frog eggs. Quite an effective way of getting rid of him, I think."

"What?" Alois snorted. "That'll never work. How is he planning on getting Claude into the pot in the first place? Claude's not that stupid."

"He'll do it the same way he did the other time," Ciel explained, already feeling much happier than before. This was _real _entertainment. "Ah, he must have gotten a lot of eggs. His hands are full."

"Do you realize how utterly ridiculous this thing is?" Alois rose from his chair and moved to stand in front of Ciel, providing the smaller boy with a very obscene view of two milky white legs. "It's never going to work, and I'm surprised it has before. Claude won't fall for any tricks. He's very smart, after all."

"Then you might want to watch, because he's about to go into the pot," Ciel chuckled. "Three . . . two . . . one . . ."

"Seriously, Ciel, I don't believe—"

"In he goes!" the teal-haired boy laughed quite uncharacteristically. "Oh my, look at that pot bubble. Claude must be very fatty. He'll go along wonderfully with frog spawn."

Alois squeaked and whirled around. "No way! How did . . . that . . . your butler is sick."

"He _is _a demon, after all."

Sebastian turned his head towards the two boys and presented them with a winning smile, accompanied by one cursory glance towards Alois. The blonde blinked stupidly at the gesture. "Why is he doing that?"

"I think," Ciel stated gleefully, "that you had better run while you can, Mr. Trancy. You see, that is your lunch."

"Oh my God."

**.**

**Well, it's pretty late . . . sorry about that. TT^TT But I got it done on Friday (kind of) so it's technically done on time. D: Anyway. I hope you enjoyed it, and I plan to be back next Friday with another one~ Let's see, just a heads up . . . the next request is from KeidaHattori. :)**

**Thanks for reading! As of this moment, requests are STILL open. I will definitely let you know if they're closed. Let's see . . . we need some Claude killage via Ciel or Alois, I think. Those two haven't had their fill of torturing him in this drabble center. ^.^ **

**~Shadow**


	20. Meal Time

**Another Friday~ Fridays are awesome, aren't they? Those of us in school get a whole two days where we don't have to make our brains work overtime. :3 **

**As mentioned at the end of the last chapter, this week's request is from KeidaHattori. RETURN OF THE SERVANTS' WRATH. *inserts evil laughter here* Oh. And the appearance of a few new drabble center characters: Sebastian's cats. **

**Oh look, it's our 20****th**** drabble! Yay! Thanks for sticking with me this far, gaiz. **

**Rating: T for . . . I don't know. It's just rated T. **

**Disclaimer: Toboso Yana holds all nooses around THESE characters' necks, much to our dismay. **

**Drabble 20: Meal Time!**

**.**

"I swear, Maylene, there are demons living around here! Mr. Sebastian said so 'imself, that they could be livin' right under our noses and we wouldn't know it. They could kill us in the middle of the night!" Bard exclaimed fiercely.

"He's right!" Finny agreed, banging his hands down so hard on the kitchen table that it cracked. "I . . . I don't want to get eaten by a demon! What do we do?"

"Well . . ." Maylene mused, "I ain't no expert on demons, I'm not, but . . . can we use holy water?"

"Holy water?" Finny questioned. "It is effective against demons . . . or at least, that's what the rumors say. But where can we find holy water?"

"Mr. Sebastian would know!" Maylene declared, because of course, Sebastian knew _everything_.

"What do we do with the holy water once we get it?" Bard petitioned. "Just wait for a demon to appear? That's not very likely . . ."

"You want to know?"

The three servants whirled around in their seats to stare at Sebastian. It was to their own misfortune that they failed to recognize the eerie grin the butler sported. Instead, they were too focused on the subject at hand to realize that what they were trying to destroy was right in front of them . . .

"You really know what to do?" Maylene exclaimed happily. "Oh, please Sir, do tell!"

"I have some holy water at hand, and I can give it to you three. But, if you want to catch a demon . . . you need to boil the holy water. The smell will attract the demon—he cannot resist it, you see—and then you can splash the holy water on the demon. It will die instantly."

"Oooh, Mr. Sebastian, you're so smart!" Finny giggled. "Please help us!"

"Well," the butler chuckled, "I will show you exactly what to do . . ."

**.**

There was a scent . . . something very strong in the air that Claude had not smelled in decades. He couldn't even place what it was. But the scent of Ciel's soul was even stronger, and goodness knew he couldn't resist that. The Phantomhive Earl was in his study at this time of day, sweat from the sun shining through his window stuck to his porcelain skin . . . _ah_, how Claude wanted to sink his fangs into that pale neck of the boy's.

And today would be the day to do it.

To get in, he thought, he would sneak through the kitchen and the servants' quarters, and then he would climb the stairs whilst avoiding that idiotic Sebastian . . .

Besides, that other smell was coming from the kitchen, so he would get to find out what that was on top of everything else. Yes, today would be a wonderful day. And then he could return to the Trancy manor and dine on some dessert, namely that insufferable Trancy brat. _Finally_, things were looking up for him.

Of course, it _just _had to be his luck that those three idiot servants of the Phantomhive manor were right in the middle of the kitchen, stirring something in a huge pot. Even more infuriating was the fact that that wonderful smell was coming from inside of the cauldron. He had to find a way to know what it was . . .

There was always _that_ . . .

Reluctantly he morphed into his spider form, hating the fact that his curiosity was getting the best of him. He could have just killed the three servants, but then Sebastian would know something was wrong, and he needed to get to Ciel. And that _smell . . ._

"Do you really think it will work?" Finny spoke up. He glanced towards the window, failing to catch the sight of a large black spider crawling over the sill. "Maybe Mr. Sebastian is just playing with us . . ."

"No way!" Bard denied instantly, letting out a huge puff of smoke that succeeded in blocking out the bug that crawled across the floor. "Did'ya see the way that water fizzed when we poured it in? It can't be fake."

Maylene shrieked. "AAAAAAAHHH! It's a spider, yes it is! Get it away get it away get it away . . ."

Claude rolled his several eyes. Really, why was everyone so scared of spiders? They were harmless until they bit—

Maylene, in her fright, had swatted the spider right into the cauldron of holy water. The liquid seemed to explode, bubbles overflowing out of the pot and onto the floor at their feet. Then, in the utter silence that followed, the servants stared.

"We just killed a spider," Bard said dumbly. "With holy water."

"W-what do we do?" Maylene sputtered? "It's defective now, we can't fix it! Mr. Sebastian is going to be so mad when he sees that we've ruined it . . ."

"I know!" Finny yelled, ever happily. "We can give it to Mr. Sebastian's cats! They'll drink it. They like spiders, don't they?"

"Ooh, Lord," Maylene moaned. "He won't be happy about this at all, he won't . . ."

But the cats, much to their credit, took one whiff of the horrid concoction the three had conjured up, turned up their noses, and climbed right back into the cupboard Sebastian hid them in. Apparently, the spider had been too rotten to eat in the first place. And as the three wandered away from Sebastian's room, they vaguely wondered if maybe they could feed it to the butler over at the Trancy's house . . .

**.**

**I finished this one earlier than last week's. And it's a bit longer, too. :3 Enjoy, gaiz~ **

**~Shadow**


	21. Sparkly Clean

**Okay! This week's request is from Val-Creative (much to my own excitement). As for a hint to what's going to happen . . . was I the only one that started laughing my head off at the close view of Ciel's teeth we got in Eppie 9? **

**Chapter Rating: T for misuse of a toothbrush. Yes. That's right. You read correctly. A toothbrush. Oh, and for Ciel being extremely vain, to the point where he might drive you crazy.**

**Disclaimer: As much as I would love to say that I own Kuro, I would rather **_**not **_**be thrown in jail. So no. I don't own it. **

**Drabble Number 21: Sparkly Clean!**

**.**

Now, he may have wanted to have wonderful hygiene and all that, but the extent to which Claude decided to brush Ciel's teeth was more than outrageous. His teeth were already beautiful and white, so it really was unnecessary for a brushing session to take more than five minutes. Even Sebastian, who insisted on brushing twice a day—the nerve!—did not take ten entire minutes _before _rinsing.

And frankly, Ciel's mouth was tired.

Claude obviously had no intentions of stopping the ritual, but the Earl had taken all he could. He was going to try his best to persuade Claude into finishing quicker, and if that didn't work . . .

Well, he supposed he would just let his actions take control of his mind.

"Young Master," the spider demon intoned emotionlessly. Ciel glanced up at the title and frowned at the look in Claude's eyes: it was predatory, to say the least. He didn't trust the man, not at all. "It is time for you to brush your teeth."

"Not right now," the boy huffed, using the "I don't need it" tactic first. "I just woke up."

"You do not want morning breath, do you?"

Ciel, luckily, did _not _have horrible morning breath, but he was sure that any persuasion tactic he used on that particular subject would not go over well. He would just have to make sure the demon stopped before he spent half an hour in his little fantasy world. He was _not _going to suffer through that again.

He watched with some horror as Claude, once they were in the bathroom, sat down on that bench again. There was _no way. _He was not putting his head in that demon's lap, and he was not going to lie down to brush his teeth. Not again. He'd rather do it _himself_. So he pulled himself up to his full height and sent the demon butler a glare that said, "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"What are you waiting for, Young Master?" Claude questioned docilely.

"I don't feel like lying down," Ciel replied indignantly. "I'd rather stand."

"As My Lord wishes," was the expected reply, and Ciel smirked triumphantly at the small victory. However . . . the look in Claude's eyes did not go away, and goodness knew he didn't trust it. He narrowed his eyes as the demon advanced, toothbrush waving menacingly in the air. He _really _didn't like this. He . . . he could brush his teeth on his own, couldn't he? It didn't seem so hard. And anyway, he didn't want to get near Claude any more than necessary.

"I think I can—" Ciel started, only to be interrupted as the toothbrush was shoved into his mouth. He made a sharp noise of protest at this; it wasn't fair! Claude had known what he was going to ask, that was it. He was blatantly avoiding what would have been an order!

But . . . what could he do with Claude already having started? With that, he grumpily crossed his arms over his chest and directed his eyes at the wall opposite him. He would count, damn it, and if he had to stand there for more than five minutes this would be _stopped_.

And sure enough . . .

"Claude," he complained crossly, yanking the utensil out of his mouth. "It is not necessary to spend so long on such a thing. You need to stop."

Claude merely raised an eyebrow. "You don't like it?"

"Of course I don't, you dolt! It's disgusting!" He waved the toothbrush in Claude's face. "I don't know what sort of weird fetish you have with these things, but I'm fairly sure you never did this sort of thing with Alois."

"Of course not," the demon stated, backing away from the outburst like he was offended. "Alois was nothing. But you . . ."

"What about me?" Ciel asked guardedly. He didn't like the way this was going . . .

"You're _perfect_," Claude gushed out, his eyes taking on that animalistic gleam that made the Earl back away from him. "Everything about you is beautiful, so I must make certain to maintain that appearance, down to every last gleaming canine. Ah, your teeth are so white they are blinding, and your feet so small and white, and . . ."

"What are you, a pedophile?" Ciel shrieked. This was _humiliating_.

Claude just continued on, ignoring the outburst. "Your legs are creamy, and _ah_, your hair is as soft as silk. My Lord, you really are a perfect soul, inside and out. Everything about you, from your eyes to even your behind—"

_Shove_.

Ciel disgustedly yanked his hand out of Claude's mouth, but not before giving the toothbrush one firm twist from where he'd forced it down the demon's throat. Yup, Claude had pissed him off one too many times with his talk of such . . . obscene _things_. He didn't necessarily know if demons could die like this—

Claude's body thumped to the floor, golden eyes rolled back in his head.

Apparently they could.

"Dammit," Ciel moaned as he stormed out of the bathroom. "That was my only toothbrush . . ."

**.**

**Sorry for the late update, but . . . my parents wanted Pizza Hut for dinner, and Pizza Hut can't wait. XD Anyway, hope you enjoyed the chapter, and I'll see you next week again! **

**~Shadow**


	22. Spooning

**So, before we get started, I think I'm going to go ahead and say that we can add this drabble to the list of more . . . **_**out there **_**ones I've worked on. That's not to say it's like: O.o. But it might make you laugh at the sheer incredibility that happens in it. With that being said, this week's request is from PlayfulArtistKitty. **

**Rating: K+; there's not much really **_**violent**_** happening in this one. Just a bit of comedy, I suppose. And speculation on different types of silverware. XD**

**Disclaimer: Yana Toboso owns Kuroshitsuji. I, on the other hand, don't even own the DVDs. **

**Drabble Number 22: Spooning!**

**.**

Sebastian loved fighting with the silverware he found in Phantomhive Manor's kitchen. Much to his master's annoyance, he often took the better utensils, but how could he resist? The knives and forks in Ciel's possession were of top quality and so wondrously sharp. They were perfect tools used to kill, because after all, he was one hell of a butler.

But then, he never thought he'd see the day when he would _run out_.

Forlornly he stared down at the almost empty silverware drawer. Suddenly he regretted using the last knife for his master's evening meal, but then, everything for his young Lord, yes? Still, there was nothing left . . . and, being such a perfect butler, he would not take dirty forks to the Trancy mansion. It would simply make him a laughing stock in Claude's presence, and he would shame Ciel on top of everything else. There were always the _other _forks and knives, but they were preserved only for the servants and would therefore make his master look poor.

That left only the spoons.

Claude would make fun of him, he was sure, but it was better than carrying around dirty silverware. There was a reason he had never used the spoons—how on earth were they supposed to kill someone when they curved like that?—but they would have to do. As he heard faintly from the entrance hall a "Sebastian, hurry up!" he scooped up the only remaining silvers and tucked them into his pockets.

He could only hope . . .

**.**

He did _not _expect things to turn out this way.

Here he stood, his Young Master off to the side with a blade to the neck and a hard eye glaring at him, a spider demon across from him waving around a sword made to kill demons . . . and all he had were spoons.

Dammit, he _knew _he should have brought the dirty silverware.

Not that it really would have mattered, he supposed. Forks and knives were nice, but they wouldn't kill a demon. Goodness knew spoons wouldn't. The best he could hope for was an opening to rescue the Young Lord and get out of the situation. Until then, he would have to dodge.

"Playing defense, Michaelis?" Claude taunted across the clearing. "That certainly isn't like you. Are you going to rescue your charge or not?"

He had no choice then, it seemed. Reluctantly he reached into his coat pocket and withdrew four spoons, one in the crevice between each of his fingers and thumb. The look of shock and outrage on his captured charge's face was enough to make him inwardly cringe. Ooh, he would get a _firm _reprimand later if they got out of this . . .

But he couldn't think about that right now. Because now both Claude and Alois were laughing at him, making a _laughingstock _out of him, and he couldn't stand it. It was so embarrassing! To have thought that he had disregarded the servants' silverware. That would have been better than these humiliating utensils.

"Spoons, Michaelis?" Claude snorted. "You must have had a bad day to mistakenly grab those."

"I was not mistaken," Sebastian answered calmly . . . it was a vain attempt to appear more confident about the blasted spoons than he really felt.

"Either way," Alois brushed off happily, "You won't be able to beat Claude even if you have knives and forks. His demon sword will kill you, and Ciel will be _ours_."

Well, he had to admit it was true, but he wasn't about to let that green sword . . . _thing_ touch him, not when it had just come from that maid's mouth. He would always keep his appearance impeccable; he would rather not have strange fluids drenching the outfit his master had chosen for him.

"While you two are fighting, I'll just take Ciel here off to the side and . . ." Alois winked at Sebastian and moved off, waving his weapon happily in front of the Young Master's jugular.

It happened completely by accident.

Sebastian completely forgot about Claude, about the nasty saliva-covered demon sword, and about the silver utensils in his hand. Nothing mattered as much as the Young Master did, of course. He dove forward for Alois—the blonde brat wasn't brave enough to actually kill his charge—and flung the spoons in his hand away wildly. Claude, of course, leapt right after him, diving right through the flying spoons like they weren't important at all . . .

Except that they were. Claude didn't completely dodge all of the spoons; one of them thwacked him right in between his golden eyes, effectively snapping his glasses in half. Sebastian froze, cocking his head to the side curiously as Claude blinked. The Trancy demon shrugged, and Sebastian sighed unhappily; he really _had _hoped something would happen after all . . . but they were just spoons. So he turned back to where his master was being pulled away.

And heard a thump.

All three of them froze and turned around, the knife in Alois' hand falling to his side thoughtlessly. There lay Claude, nothing wrong with him other than a forming bruise where the spoon had whacked him . . . dead.

"What the hell," Alois breathed. "How is that even possible?"

"I don't know, and I don't care," Ciel announced, poking the dead demon with his finger in mild interest.

Sebastian retrieved the spoons from the ground, giving each of them a good, firm stare before tucking them back into his pocket. Perfectly ordinary spoons.

He might have to use the things more often if they had _that _effect.

"Sebastian, how did you know the spoons would kill him?" Ciel asked curiously.

Ah . . . he didn't know. A prime opportunity for teasing . . . Sebastian smirked and winked down at the Young Master. "Why, My Lord, it was simple intuition."

Yes, he'd better wash those knives and forks first thing once they got back, just in case . . . what one didn't know wouldn't kill them, after all.

**.**

**TTATT Late Friday update . . . sorry again, guys. Claude just didn't want to die this time. BUT I MADE HIM. **

**Next week's request will be from sammie-spazzmuffin, so look forward to that~ They've been very patient, so I definitely plan to spoil this request. **

**Thanks for reading, as always! **

**~Shadow**


	23. What a Way to Dive

***stares at review count* One more and we've got 150 reviews on the request center~! Honestly, I didn't think it would be this popular, but you guys are awesome and have proved me wrong. Thanks so much for helping it make it this far, and here's to making it much further than what we've done so far! *tips glass in toast* **

**So, here's the deal. This week's request is from Sammie-spazzmuffin, and since they have two requests in a row, I've altered the list a bit. Instead of doing both of theirs at once, I'm moving hinata0710's request in between them. This is also a good example to remind you that you can make one request per chapter; don't think that because you're requested already you can't do it again! I'm always open for new ideas as long as you don't overload me. :3 **

**Chapter Warning: T for being out there again. XD This is loosely based off of episode ten. Anyway. If you guys weren't grossed out by the whole "Hannah noms on Alois's eye" thing then I don't know what's wrong with you. *dies* (I had to go back and re-watch the episode to write the beginning of it. *laughs*) OH. And Claude is kind of OOC at the end. **

**Disclaimer: Kuroshitsuji is ever the property of Toboso Yana. We only own the messed up ideas to play with her characters. **

**Drabble 23: What a Way to Dive!**

**.**

"Bocchan," the maid said serenely. "Take a look at this."

And she opened her mouth wider than any human should have been able to. Deep in her throat, something shifted . . . Ciel Phantomhive stared in horror at the eyeball staring back at him. "Wh-what is this?" he whispered. "I can see myself . . ."

He screamed, because all of a sudden his head felt like it was going to split open, but as his hands flew up to grab at the source of the pain, a ring three sizes too big for his finger went flying off onto the floor beside the bed. The moment it did, the pain stopped, and oh! Everything came back to him, his real memories, his revenge, and Claude's true plan . . .

Alois Trancy was in that damned ring, messing with his mind, and that was the brat's eye down his maid's throat. _Gross_. Still, the maid expected something out of him, and if he wanted to get out alive . . . he let out an extra scream, just for the sake of doing it, and then flopped back onto the bed like he'd passed out from the pain. Through a faint slit in his eyes, he could tell that she bought it. Now he just had to wait . . .

_Bam! _

And there was Claude, not a second too late to see what all the fuss was about. Through his little peeping window, Ciel watched Hannah smirk triumphantly. "You didn't really think you and Michaelis were the only factors in this game, did you?"

"What do you want with him?" the spider demon growled. "I will not allow you to take his soul for yourself."

"I don't care about Ciel Phantomhive; you of all people should know that." Hannah raised her hand to cradle her bandaged eye. "What I want is Alois Trancy."

_Trancy? _The blonde brat? What could a maid—correction, demon maid, because it was pretty obvious by now—want with that guy's soul? And more than that, where did _he _factor into all of this? Ciel thought it was just making his head hurt in the end, and he would much rather be off somewhere else . . . sipping Sebastian's tea in his manor, to be more precise. All he had to do was make sure no one got a hold of him, in which case it wasn't looking so good.

"Alois Trancy is dead," Claude replied monotonously. "What could you possibly want with him?"

"That is none of your business."

"I am the head butler, and as the maid, I believe it is my business."

What, so now they were going to start squabbling like little kids? No wonder he wanted to go home. For the servants to do something as frivolous as fighting was more than ridiculous. Ciel shifted ever so slightly at that revelation, alerting the others that he was waking up.

"The danna-sama will be in that body when he awakens," Hannah said curtly, the pretence of fighting banished. "He will overtake the Phantomhive boy's soul and form a contract with me. And then neither you nor Michaelis will have him. _I _will win in the end."

Now . . . how did Alois act? Scratch that . . . he was nothing more than an idiot sex fiend. Ciel would rather _not _pretend to be the blonde. So what else . . .? He let out a soft moan, twitching his fingers at their place on the edge of the bed.

"He is waking up now," Hannah continued snidely. "I hardly doubt that Alois will turn to you after you destroyed his body."

"You," Claude uttered lowly, "have destroyed a beautiful, pure soul that would have tasted of bliss you have never known. After everything I did to thwart Sebastian into giving up this meal, I am _not _going to give it up to you. Ciel's soul shall go into my mouth in the end. I will make sure of it."

Oh shit no.

Ciel bolted upright with a gasp, and without missing the pleased smirk that crossed over Hannah's face. "Danna-sama—"

Ciel's foot flew out from under him—he was lucky the woman was sitting down—and smacked into Hannah's face. She let out a soft squeak and fell backwards onto the floor with a loud thud. "I'm not your 'Danna-sama'," he muttered hatefully.

"So you will stay with me?" Claude cried out happily.

The Earl trained a harsh glare in the Trancy butler's direction. He shifted again, jumping off of the bed and aiming a hand at a very precise area on the demon's anatomy. Claude yelped in a way that shouldn't have been possible and dropped like a stone. Ciel, somewhat satisfied, placed a bare foot on Claude's head to hold him down. "I," he started slowly, "will never stay with someone as low and dirty as you. Sebastian would never have let you keep me under normal circumstances. Furthermore . . ." –And this was accentuated by a sharp push of his foot—"You're nowhere near as handsome as Sebastian. You're ugly, Claude Faustus. And I only allow beautiful people near me. I'll be taking my leave now."

"Y-you think I'm ugly?" Claude stuttered. "But I . . ."

Ciel paused in the doorway. "You look like a crossbreed between Sebastian and that dumb shinigami. What the hell are you doing, crying? You're such a baby."

In the end, Ciel calmly took his leave, skipping happily out of the Trancy mansion in nothing but a nightshirt. As for Claude . . .

If it wasn't possible for one to drown in their own tears, then that theory might need to be rechecked.

**.**

**TTATT Another late Friday night update, but with everything that's been going on today I didn't work on it as much as I might have liked. **

**Speaking of today . . . the stuff going down in Japan is horrible, and I really hope that everyone over there is alright. There are lists being frequently updated of voice actors, mangakas, and musicians/bands (if any of you want links, I can probably get them to you), but we shouldn't only be worrying about the media. If any of my readers are from Japan, I really do hope that you're alright and out of danger. It's scary enough reading about it and watching it; I don't think I could have taken being a part of it. *gives hugs to everyone in support* **

**~Shadow**


	24. Puppetry

***sings* IT'S FRIDAAAAAY~ **

**. . . And I'm utterly exhausted. But despite my feeling like I'm about to faint, I spent time updating this for you guys. XD Actually, I've been thinking of updating this twice a week (because of the number of requests I've been getting lately), but at the same time I feel like it would be too much for me. D: So I'm just going to let everyone know ahead of time that if you request, you're going to have to hang with me for awhile. Don't expect your request to get finished in the next few chapters. I promise I'll get to all of them, though, so don't think I'm forgetting any of you. I literally have a list typed out of all the requests in the order they were requested in. **

**This week's request is from hinata0710~ I've been looking forward to this one. I hope you guys like it! **

**BTW: ENTER DROCELL. 3 **

**Chapter Rating: Eh . . . maybe . . . T—ish? For misuse of strings. Yeah. I'll just leave it at that. **

**Drabble Number Twenty-Four: Puppetry!**

**.**

Great Satan, what _was _this place?

Claude looked around in confusion, hardly taking note of the life-sized doll in the center of the room. He'd entered this castle because of Ciel Phantomhive's order; apparently, his fiancée Elizabeth had gotten captured and was in need of rescuing. The way the boy said it implied that this wasn't the first time something like this had happened. Either way, Ciel had explained that he couldn't be spared to go after her himself—he was too lazy, but whatever, Claude didn't mind—and that the butler would have to save the girl by himself.

Claude wondered if the entire thing was a test to prove how worthy he was. He knew the Earl still didn't trust him, even though he tried doing everything to please him. Yes, so what, he killed his old master. But that didn't mean he was going to make a habit of doing the same thing over again! Surely that knowing smile on Ciel's face had nothing to do with what he was doing here today. Save the little girl, that was it, right? Well, that shouldn't be too hard—

Hang on. What in the world was that sound?

Singing?

Yes, it was definitely singing, and though he couldn't necessarily hear the words, he could just make out the tune to "London Bridge". Wasn't that a children's song? How odd . . . but then again, it was a child that had gotten kidnapped in the first place. Perhaps they played the songs to keep the captives calm? An odd method, but Claude wondered if it worked. Perhaps he should try doing that with the Earl.

"Oh dear," sighed a voice from up above. The Trancy butler jerked his head upwards, trying to find the source of the sound, but he was unable to find it. "You certainly are not my type, but you will do. The Master is desperate, I think."

The person's voice was high and monotone, almost clipped and broken like it was a recording. Claude frowned; surely _this _was the kidnapper he had to face? "Where are you?" he demanded.

"Follow my string, and you will find out."

String? What was this guy talking about? He didn't see a—

Oh. There. Just in front of him, he saw the shining gossamer of a thin, taut wire. It led through the back of the castle and outside to another, smaller, tower. He followed it cautiously—perhaps the girl was in here too—whilst simultaneously placing his glasses into his front pocket. He figured it would be best to be prepared for a fight.

The string led him to a giant workshop. In the corner of his room he saw a blonde-headed girl whom he could only assume was the Lady Elizabeth. But that was inferior to the fact that in the center of the room, there was a man cranking a box that played the song he had heard earlier. He looked . . . odd, he supposed the word was. Like a circus performer, or a fancy doll. How dangerous could this guy be? He was a _nut_.

But the man playing "London Bridge" just smiled amiably at him. "Yes, you will do for now."

"I must ask you to return the Lady. I am here under orders of my master."

"Why, I am afraid I cannot do that," the lilting voice responded calmly. "You see, _my _Master has use of you."

And before Claude could counteract that firm statement, a string that he hadn't known was wrapped around him tightened.

**.**

Sebastian was happy to be back in the Young Master's favor, but he was less than giddy about the prospect of finding Drocell moving and kidnapping young girls again. And to _think_, this time he did it for himself! Lying about a "Master" just to satisfy his own whims . . . it was amazing that he had any brain left at all. Thinking of that, Sebastian really just wanted to leave the whole ordeal alone, let Elizabeth get turned into one of those abominable puppets, and be thoroughly reprimanded by the Young Master later. Yes, that sounded like a splendid idea . . .

But a movement out of the corner of his eye halted his movements to turn around.

A puppet very much different from the doll-like ones that Drocell usually went for stood in front of him. Dull golden eyes stared at him, head cocked partially to the side as if it couldn't be helped. Sebastian could see strings holding the limbs up.

Well then . . . this might turn out to be a bit more fun than he'd originally thought.

**.**

**FFF Puppet!Claude is rather entertaining, don't you think? It's not like he can do anything—*shot***

**So. I have a question for you guys . . . should I really be calling these drabbles or one-shots? I still feel they're a little short to be one-shots, but I do know that most drabbles aren't over 1000 words. What are your thoughts on this? You can answer in a review, or send it in a PM; either way I don't mind, just as long as I know your opinions on this.**

**ANYWAY. 3 Next week's request, as promised, is another one from Sammie-Spazzmuffin. (I have been really looking forward to this one, btw.) As always, thanks for reading! You guys are awesome! **

**~Shadow**


	25. Happy Birthday to You

**Hullo again~! **

**First off, I'd like to proudly announce that this drabble center has just about reached its 10,000th hit. Not only that, it's reached its 25th chapter today! Thanks to you guys this story has gotten far more attention than I ever thought it would, and I just want to hug and cuddle all you Claude-haters. *sniffles* You make me feel like my writing isn't crap. **

**Besides that point, this week's request is the other one from Sammie-spazzmuffin. How do you guys feel about . . . returning Shinigamis, cosplaying redheads, and cakes? We're about to find out, aren't we? **

**Chapter Rating: T for stuff. Yup. **

**Disclaimer: I really really want to say that I own Kuro, but I think Toboso Yana—and the police—would have my head.**

**Drabble Number Twenty-Five: Happy Birthday to You! **

**.**

_Smooth. _

A hand slowly pushed back black hair, mussing it only slightly and leaving the bangs hanging past the chin.

_Tuck. _

A pair of glasses slid down into a front pocket, placed conveniently for later use.

_Click. _

A pocket watch slowly closed after confirming the current time.

Perfect.

Now, if only he could change the color of his eyes.

Yes, Claude was in disguise, and as always, it was perfect, if not for the fact that his eyes were not burgundy. A pair of sunglasses might have worked to hide that, but of course the person he was disguising as did not wear them, and so it would not be believable. His only option was to remain far enough away so that his golden eyes were not obvious.

There was another problem, however, and that was the deal with his dead expressions. He chose—and preferred—to hide his feelings from everyone. If he wanted to pull off this disguise, then he was going to have to give an impeccably sadistic smirk. Just for practice, he allowed his lips to twitch upwards, even if it killed him inside. And then . . .

Project Dress Like Sebastian Michaelis To Kidnap Ciel Phantomhive was a go.

It would be a flawless trip, he thought. And once he'd obtained Ciel, he would have _two _souls to eat. _Ah_, what a feast that would be . . . and he could finally get rid of Alois too. He had fallen so _low _to go after a soul like that brat's. Then again, he'd been starving for oh so long . . . he really couldn't blame himself for his actions. Besides, Alois wouldn't taste so bad as long as he ate Ciel right afterwards.

Claude straightened his outfit once more before advancing towards the Phantomhive manor. He'd learned from a valuable source that the real Sebastian was in London, running some errands. It was the perfect opportunity to take Ciel, and he was proud of his quick thinking in creating this getup on such short notice. Ciel would never know the difference.

As Claude approached the manor, he caught sight of a flash of red. He could never recall any sign of red in this household—other than a clumsy maid, and her shade of red was much darker—and out of curiosity, he stepped towards the source of the vibrant color. Perhaps it was another demon, after all, coming to steal that precious soul for their own . . .

As he got closer, he could see that it was a man with ridiculously bright, long, red hair. He wore high heels and a red jacket that looked like it was supposed to be a woman's. There was a chainsaw next to him as well. In all . . . Claude thought he looked utterly ridiculous. Obviously he was not in his right mind either, judging by the fact that his face was pressed up against one of the manor's many windows.

Claude cleared his throat, hoping to scare the man off so he could do his job in peace.

What he got instead was not what he was expecting at all. The man turned to face him, stared for all of five seconds, and let out a squeal that should have busted the window to bits. "Aahn~!" he moaned, rushing forward. "Sebas-chan, I was just waiting for you! Ah, you're just as beautiful as ever, you handsome thug. What do you say to treating this lovely lady to a night in London?"

". . . Excuse me?" Claude stated lowly. What kind of a lunatic was this?

The redhead frowned, inching even closer to the Trancy butler. "I'm asking you on a date, you dolt! I can't make it any more obvious!"

"Did you just say you were a lady?"

"Ah, but you knew that already, Sebby. Come now, my beauty should be much more satisfying than that little brat's! I know that sometimes men need a woman's . . . open invitations to feel _real _again. I'm all yours, baby!"

Claude blinked, hardly amused. Did this man really think . . .? "If you are a woman," he announced bluntly, "Then you are quite an ugly one."

The redhead froze in shock, mouth gaping open and closed for a good minute until . . .

"Imposter!" the man shrieked, angrily waving his chainsaw in the air. "My Sebby would never say anything of the sort; he knows how to treat a lady! How dare you dress up like him to attempt to woo me!"

"I am doing nothing of the sort!" Claude protested. "I am here to—"

"Impoooosteeeerrrrr!" The chainsaw flew forward, too fast for Claude's liking, and—

**.**

"Sebastiaaaaaaannnn, I'm sooorrryyyyy . . ."

The long, drawn-out moan could only have belonged to one person, and Sebastian could hardly resist letting out his own moan of distress. "Grell," he announced with barely restrained patience, "I could care less about Claude's head in the middle of the garden, or the fact that he was dressed like me. What I want to know is why you were at my master's home in the first place."

Grell pursed his lips, awkwardly averting his gaze from the demon. "W-well, you see, it's Will's birthday today, and . . . I wanted your advice on what to give him . . ."

"How would I know? He despises my existence." Sebastian glanced down once more at the decapitated body of Claude Faustus. "Get that thing out of the lawns before the Young Lord sees it. Give _that _to Mr. Spears."

"Ah!" Grell's eyes lit up immediately at the suggestion. He bent down and grabbed a handful of hair, lifting the bodiless head from the grass. "Sebas-chan, you genius! I can bake him a cake with this!"

Sebastian stared at the shinigami in horror. "He would _eat_ that?"

"Of course he would!" Grell waved his hand submissively. "Demon cakes are his _favorite_. He'll be so pleased! Well, I'm off to make it! You're such a dear, Sebby."

And Sebastian had thought that demon meals were odd . . .

"Hey! Grell! Take the rest of it with you, damn it!"

**.**

**And with that, I humbly offer you Claude Cake on a platter. *holds up* **

**Next week's request will be from aceofspades27, so look forward to that~ **

**Thanks for reading! **

**~Shadow**


	26. Humor Me

**FFF, you guys are the best. You had me grinning so hard with all the reviews I got, and I was even fangirling over a couple of them. *shot* BTW . . . we have just totally knocked down 200+ reviews. That's a record for me. XDD**

**At the end of this drabble I'm going to give you a list of drabble ideas I came up with when I first started the Request Center. They've been sitting here for awhile, and I'd really like to do a couple of them at some point. You can tell me which one you like the most out of the list, and I'll do that one on a week when there aren't as many requests. I hope you'll like them~ **

**This week's request is from aceofspades27. I'm not going to lie, I had fun researching for this one. I hope you're going to laugh your head off . . . but well. I bet Undertaker won't. *stabbed* **

**Chapter Rating: T for Claude's lack of humor. Maybe. **

**Disclaimer: Sadly, Kuroshitsuji is not mine. Luckily, it belongs to Toboso Yana. **

**.**

A dark, drab-looking shop sat in the middle of an overpopulated street, becoming an almost atrocious sense of attraction compared to the rest of the brightly lit stores. A sign hung precariously above the grey door; a slight touch could possibly make it fall to the ground. Passing commoners went out of their way to avoid the sidewalk in front of the dingy place. There was an acrid smell that fizzled out somewhere across the street, and one could hardly place the source of it.

Claude wrinkled his nose in disgust. The entire thing looked atrocious; he couldn't fathom why someone would want to live in this dump. The least they could do was to clean it up . . .

Then again, it _was_, in all technicality, just a bit better than a morgue.

Reluctantly he straightened his outfit—if the shop didn't look presentable, at least he could—and made his way inside. The smell was even worse indoors, and Claude could see just what it came from: little jars filled with organs lined the shelves in the back. The place was filthy; coffins lay all over the floor in a disorderly fashion, dust was piled an inch thick, and a model skeleton sat in its dirty yellow glory in some far back corner.

And, unsurprisingly, the room was empty.

He ground his teeth together in aggravation and let his eyes flicker across the room, searching for any sign of the person he was looking for. When he found nothing, he sighed, pursed his lips together, and called out tersely, "Undertaker."

There came a sharp creaking noise as one of the coffins on the floor shifted ever so slightly. The lid slid open with a sound resembling the revealing of a mummy inside a sarcophagus to expose a pale, scarred face nestled in the confines of the death bed. If Claude didn't know any better, he would have thought it was a dead body coming back to life. As it was, he merely fixed his expression into a disapproving frown as the grinning man sat up and rested his head against the coffin lid. "You're new," the odd man cackled. "Would you like a coffin? I'm sorry, but I only make specialized coffins for . . . certain customers."

"I am not here to buy myself a coffin," Claude scoffed. "I want information. On Ciel Phantomhive."

"Oh? And what sort of information are you searching for? I will have you know that the Earl is one of my closest . . . business partners, you might say. I will not give out his secrets lightly."

"And what price would I need to pay you to get that information?"

The Undertaker straightened up, his grin stretching too widely across his face. "A laugh," he chuckled amusedly. "A very strong laugh, I might add."

"You mean . . . you want me to make you laugh." Claude stared again at the mortician, completely confused as to what sort of "price" that was. Really, why was this man one of Ciel Phantomhive's business partners? "And what are the . . . repercussions if I fail."

"You try out my newest coffin." A long-nailed finger pointed docilely towards a coffin standing up next to the skeleton. It looked positively . . . horrifying. But, either way, if he failed, all he had to do was lay in it, right? There was no harm in that.

"Fine," he finally agreed.

"Can't wait to see this . . ." was the answering giggle.

It was highly unlike him to stoop to telling _jokes_, of all things, but if that was what it took to figure out how to capture Ciel's soul, he was only too willing to do it. He cleared his throat in preparation and then began in a monotone voice: "What do demons have for breakfast?"

"Devilled eggs," the Undertaker groaned, smile falling from his face. "I do believe I've heard that one before."

"And this one? What do demons have on holiday?"

"Yeah, yeah. One hell of a time. Can't you do any better than that?"

"Why are spiders good swimmers?"

"Lame."

"What did the spider say to—"

"Heard it."

What happened when—"

"I would think that a centuries-old demon would have a better sense of humor." The Undertaker climbed out of his coffin, going over to teasingly crack the punishment box open. "If your next joke isn't any better I'm afraid I will not be able to grant your request . . ."

"W-wait!" Claude quickly protested. In an act of desperation, he stepped towards the mortician, reciting the last known joke he had heard. "Here's one! A man was walking home alone late one night—"

"That one is _so _overrated," he heard coldly before he was shoved into the open coffin. Everything went black . . .

**. **

The Undertaker locked the coffin by wrapping silver chains around it before lowering it to the ground alongside the others. Jovially he flopped down on top of the coffin; finally, here was a body he wouldn't have to give back! He could play all he wanted with the organs . . .

As the demon inside began to futilely struggle, the mortician raised one hand to his mouth, letting out a single amused giggle. "I always loved that last joke . . ."

**.**

**PFFT. Writing Undertaker is so hard. ;A; But at the same time . . . ahh, he's such a fun character~ If you want to know the punch lines of the jokes, simply search on google either demon jokes, spider jokes, or coffin jokes. They're all pretty easy to find.**

**Now. My drabble ideas. The one you guys like the most (i.e the one most of you say you want me to do) will be the one to come up and some time or another. Just drop by and leave a review or PM telling me which one you like the most. To leave them pretty vague, I'm only going to give you the titles I thought up for them. Here you are: **

**1. Attack of the Crochet Needles**

**2. The Cats Got Loose**

**3. Are my Teeth Clean Yet?**

**Choose from those three. Thanks for taking the time to do this for me~ **

**Next week's request is from Mimi Chase! As always, thanks for reading! And . . . sorry for the extremely long A/N this time. **

**~Shadow**


	27. You're Mistaken

**A bit of a late update. TTATT Sorry, but I was preoccupied for most of Friday and wasn't able to work on this. And then when I went to upload it last night . . . I couldn't get into my FF account. D: SOOO Sorry. At least all of it wasn't my fault. XD **

**It looks like almost everyone wanted "The Cats Got Loose". X'D When I do that one, I'm not going to interrupt our update every Friday flow. I'll probably upload it sometime in the middle of the week . . . and it might be longer than the normal ones depending on how far I take it. Just know that when I do post it, there will still be a REGULAR update, with your request. There are too many to stop for a week. **

**That being said! This week's request is from Mimi Chase, and it is a crossover of Kuro and D. Gray-Man. Just so you guys know . . . I've been waiting a long time to do one of these. XD D. Gray-Man was my obsession before Kuroshitsuji. Prepare for an onslaught of utter craziness! For anyone who doesn't know what DGM is, here's an extremely short summary to help you through the chapter: Allen Walker is an Exorcist with something called "Innocence", which is a weapon for destroying things called Akumas (heehee . . .).**

**Chapter Rating: T for ensuing weird humor, Kanda's cussing, and for me experimenting again. In this chapter . . . there will be ONLY talking. No details. Just dialogue. XD It's pretty short too, because of this. It won't be a normal occurrence, don't worry. **

**Disclaimer: Kuroshitsuji is Toboso Yana's baby, and D. Gray-Man is Katsura Hoshino's.**

**Drabble Number Twenty-Seven: You're Mistaken!**

**.**

"Dammit! Why does Komui always send us on these stupid missions? Three of us. Three of us for one fucking Akuma!"

"Eh . . . because it was reported to be completely unlike normal Akuma? Calm down, Kanda. It makes perfect sense."

"Yeah, Yuu-chan. What if this thing is a Level 5?"

"If it's a Level 5, we'll be dead before we get a chance to fight, _baka_. The Level 4 is hard enough to kill."

"Then maybe it's just a Level 4. Komui's just being cautious. Kanda, really, you should calm down before someone hears."

"It doesn't matter, anyway. Komui is always thinking about our protection. We'll kill it, go back to headquarters, and Moyashi-chan can pig out again like he always does."

"Lavi . . . I don't _only _think about food . . ."

"Haha, yeah right. I swear you wouldn't wake up in the morning if they didn't have breakfast served."

"I-I would too!"

"Face it, Allen, you can't deny—"

"Oi, you two. Shut up and pay attention. Someone's coming."

"Eh? Over there? But my eye isn't reacting . . ."

"Maybe it's too strong for the curse to pick it up."

"It doesn't matter. Only an Akuma would approach us like that. Obviously he's not human."

"Oh, it looks like he wants to talk."

"Excuse me, but you wouldn't have happened to see the Earl pass by here anytime, would you?"

". . . Wow, this is one stupid Akuma."

"Lavi, don't say it to his face . . ."

"Well, he's a baka usagi, so of course he's too stupid to keep those thoughts to himself."

"Ahem . . . excuse me, but—"

"Yeah, we already heard you, Akuma. Why would _we _know where the Earl is?"

"Well, he's rather obvious . . ."

"You got that right."

"Look, let's just kill him and get it over with. I'm hungry."

"You're _always _hungry."

"Shut up, Lavi—aww, hell, Kanda. At least give us a chance to hurt him too."

"Che. I just want to get finished. This is crap. Look. He's already dead."

"Well, that's because you cut its head off . . ."

". . ."

". . ."

". . ."

"Well, crap. He's bleeding."

"Guess he wasn't an Akuma after all."

"Then how did he know about the Earl?"

"Uh . . . I have no idea."

"Idiots. Let's just tell Komui we disposed of the threat and leave it at that."

"I guess that would work. But _still_. I feel kind of bad now."

"Don't worry, Moyashi-chan. You didn't kill him. If it's anyone's fault, it's Yuu-chan's."

"Oh. That makes things a bit better. So . . . um . . . what do we do about the body?"

"Leave it."

"In the middle of London?"

"Sure. Like anyone's going to care about a dead man in an alley."

"Eh. Well. I guess it won't matter . . ."

"And if Komui finds out . . ."

"Well, duh, you dolt. Just tell him we were mistaken. He asked about the damn Earl, anyway. Maybe he was a Noah."

"Wow, Yuu-chan! You have a brain!"

"Shut up before Mugen takes a chunk out of you."

". . . Yes sir."

**.**

**/fail drabble/ URGG I'm sorry guys . . . haha, this week's is so miserable looking. I was trying to rush on it because it's a day late, and then my computer contracted another virus . . . so I promise next week's will be better. Partly because it's definitely going to be humorous, and because I've had this next one thought out for awhile now. **

**So, if I didn't scare you off with this week's, next time will be a request from Kaslo. **

**~Shadow**


	28. Watch Your Step

**. . . I have never been so glad to see Friday. TTATT Has anyone else been dealing with the horrors of spring cleaning? **

**This weeks' request is from Kaslo, and I have to be honest, the contents of this reminds me of when I first started writing these drabbles. And personally, I like a lot of those better. XDD Anyway, I liked this request, because it was vague and left me a lot of room to work with. Also. Hopefully it's going to be a lot clearer to understand what's going on in this one. So. No AU, no crossovers . . . just Kuro, at its barest and finest . . . and maybe most murderous. Also, I realized that none of the drabbles so far involve JUST Alois and Claude, so that's what is going to happen here. *emits evil laughter of doom***

**Chapter Rating: T for a . . . horrible ending, to say the least.**

**Disclaimer: Kuroshitsuji is Toboso Yana's, hands down.**

**Drabble Number Twenty-Eight: Watch Your Step!**

**.**

Sometimes, he just wished the brat would _shut up_.

It was always the same, from the first moment the day started until the time when evening arrived. Alois Trancy was just one huge ball of energy—correction, a ball full of _sadistic_ energy—and Claude didn't know how much longer he could take it. The blonde always skipped around the mansion in his sorry excuse for clothing, making fun of everything he saw and generally being more of a demon than even _he _was. Claude half wanted to take his soul now and worry about obtaining Ciel at a later date. If he had to deal with this sort of torture for one more day . . .

"Ne, Claude~" echoed through the corridor once more that morning, utterly deceitful-sounding and full of hidden mischief. He was up to something . . . the thought nearly had him crushing the duster positioned in his hand.

Painstakingly the demon straightened his face out, smoothing it from utterly annoyed to impassive. He turned around then, expression unmoving, and said calmly, "Your Highness?"

"I've been thinking . . ." The blonde smirked and leaned his body against the wall, crossing one bare thigh over the other and throwing his arms across his chest. "Ciel and his demon . . . they're pretty close, aren't they?"

"Closer than they should be, yes . . ." Oh, he knew where this was going. Wasn't it obvious? He had been _trying _to break those two apart, constantly! It was almost like they were in love or something, which was unprecedented for a demon and a human. Ridiculous!

What he wasn't expecting was for two thin, pale arms to wrap around his middle as he turned back to dusting the candelabra. He felt a head press up against his lower back. "Why aren't we like that? Ciel trusts that man, you know."

"You can't trust me, Your Highness?" Claude grunted, fighting to keep his expression neutral.

"To be frank? No. You never put my life before yours, because you're too busy trying to make sure you look good enough for Sebastian. It's _disgusting_, Claude. You're mine. You should set your priorities straight."

"If I may be excused, I have work to—"

"No. Bonding time. Now." One of the pale hands reached forward and lazily swatted the feather duster out of Claude's hand. "Seeing Ciel and his butler acting like that makes me jealous, after all. We need to make _them _jealous too. The way we are right now, they'd just laugh at us."

And that was all it took to catch the spider demon's attention. Slowly he examined his master's face, from the teasing blue eyes to the wicked grin gracing his face. Yes, Alois was definitely doing _something_ that would turn out to be irritating for him. But at the same time, he was right. Sebastian and the Phantomhive child had everything planned out. They moved fluidly with each other, which was the one reason why Claude could not beat Sebastian.

Sebastian had something so much more precious to protect than he did. And it outraged him.

Alois tugged on his arm, pulling him towards the stairs excitedly.

"Your Highness, where are we going?"

"To Ciel's house, obviously!" the Trancy brat said with as much energy as one would find in a power line. "We're going to show him how much better we are."

"Forgive me for being blunt, but the last time we went the Earl managed to drug your food and send you home early." Truth be told, it was actually rather amusing. Claude had gleaned humor from his pitiful little master's stupidity. Yes, perhaps they should go . . . just to make things entertaining for awhile.

Alois merely shrugged. "Then I won't eat his food this time."

"Shall I ready the carriage?"

"Of course. You didn't think we were going to _walk _there, would you? Come on, hurry up, Claude; the little Earl has an early bedtime, after all."

"As should you," the butler muttered to himself grouchily.

In fact, he was so grouchy that he failed to step fully down onto the stairway in the correct fashion. Claude stared down in confusion as his foot didn't stop, continuing past the step and then the next one. He cocked his head to the side, wondering what had gone wrong, or what _looked _wrong with the picture . . .

_Oh_.

This was . . .

He uncharacteristically flailed as his body toppled forward, unable to find a stable place to rest his outstretched foot. He had just one final thought before plunging down headfirst into the steep set of stairs . . .

_Not the glasses!_

**.**

"Now," Lord Randall huffed, staring down skeptically at the butler's body splayed out on the floor. Evidence or not, he did not suspect it was something as trivial as _tripping_ that caused this man's death. "Tell me what happened again?"

"He just missed the top step," the little blonde child answered innocently. "I honestly thought he was smarter than that. Dying from a fall down the stairs. How pitiful," he sighed.

"Sounds more like you murdered him to me," the Lord grumbled quietly in annoyance. "Where is your proof?"

"Just my word. Oh. And he dropped his glasses before he fell." Alois whipped out the spotless pair of spectacles and placed them precariously on the tip of his nose. With a sharp giggle he turned around to face the other servants. "Ne, ne, don't I look handsome with these?"

Yes, the Inspector thought with a growing headache, these nobles really were too much to handle sometimes.

**.**

**DONE BBYS. 3 **

**Also I should hopefully have the next chapter of Break My Suffering Bonds up this weekend, for any of you who are reading that.**

**So I have a random question . . . but do any of you have deviantArt accounts? I'd love to be able to stalk my readers on there as well~**

**Thanks for reading, and next week's request will be from Hikari-Chimedekina-Neko. :3**

**~Shadow**


	29. Never Trust the Military's Weapons

**OwO hello . . . *creeps way into request center* I swear this has to have been the busiest week ever . . . but I'm glad I found the time to write our weekly drabble~ Haha, and look at that. I'm updating on my birthday. Because I had nothing better to do. D: FAIL, SHADOW.**

**M'kay, so as I said, this week's request is from Hikari-Chimedekina-Neko. Because this is a T-rated fanfic, I had to be pretty vague with this; I didn't want to write anything overly violent (even if I love doing it . . .). Don't worry; it's not going to be so vague that you don't know what's going on. **

**Chapter Rating: T for violence.**

**Disclaimer: Kuroshitsuji (c) Toboso Yana**

**Drabble Number Twenty-Nine: Never Trust the Military's Weapons!**

**.**

Sebastian blinked.

And blinked again.

And with an innocent shrug from Bard, he sighed in annoyance and shook his head hopelessly. "What," he demanded in a resigned tone of voice, "are you planning on doing with those?"

"Well, y'see . . ." the Phantomhive cook explained docilely, scratching the back of his head. "I figured I could finish cookin' a lot faster if I used these."

Sebastian shook his head again, this time swiftly. "If you use just _one _of those you are liable to blow up the entire manor, not just the kitchen. I am afraid I shall have to confiscate those for your own safety."

"But!" Bard protested, throwing his body over the objects spread out across the table. "I spent the last of my wages on this!"

"In that case, you should have spent your pounds more wisely. What if the Young Master were to be harmed by one of these? You would not think so highly of your toys after that. Now. Please hand over the grenades. _Carefully_."

"But . . ."

"Bard."

"What're _you _gonna do with them?" the blonde man angrily grumped as he slapped the three grenades in the butler's hand.

"I will get rid of them in a timely fashion, before they can be of any harm to the household or any of its residents. Perhaps in the future you will think before you buy something of this nature." Sebastian grimaced as the last grenade was practically dropped into his hand. He would have to dispose of these before the Young Master found out about them, if he wanted to save Bard from a certain lashing. There was only so much one could tolerate from the dangerous army man, and this was crossing the line.

But just as Sebastian was leaving the kitchen a figure dashed around the corner and crashed into him. The butler let out a yelp and fumbled with the grenades, just barely saving them all from . . . a rather gruesome death, to say the least.

"M-Mr. Sebastian!" Maylene stuttered, not fazed in the least by the exploding devices in the demon's arms. "There's a creepy man at the front door, a-and . . . and he's harassing the Young Master! You should do something!"

_Dammit_, Claude was around again. The image of that disgusting thing touching his beloved Young Master made his anger rise to incomprehensible heights, and taking just a moment to adjust the grenades he was holding, he took off for the entrance to the manor. He just _had _to think of a way to get rid of that infuriating demon . . .

One cool blue eye met Sebastian once he made it; the butler was appalled to find the Young Lord wrapped up in Claude Faustus's embrace, and though the boy's expression screamed indifference, it was obvious that he was unhappy about the situation. "It took you long enough," his master stated calmly. "I shouldn't have to ask someone to tell you when I'm in danger. Are you that inept of a butler?"

"Of course not, Young Master," Sebastian replied, just as smoothly. "I was merely taking care of some prior business. I will pay more attention in the future."

"You'd better."

Sebastian looked over at his rival then, narrowing his eyes dangerously. "I suggest you let go of my property before I make sure you are incapable of holding anything ever again."

"I daresay that is an idle threat, Michaelis," the Trancy demon spat back, tightening his grip on Ciel. "If you continue to fight with _silverware_, you will never come close to defeating me. Now, I believe I will take your possession and claim it for my own . . ."

Hastily Sebastian moved to grasp at the silverware stashed in his jacket, but as he shifted the grenades shook in his arms. He froze, cocking his head at the weapons even as the idea sprang into his mind. What better way to dispose of them than to . . .

"Excuse me," he said curtly, and walked forward. Meticulously he tucked one of the grenades inside of Claude's jacket pocket. The Trancy butler, rather than recoiling from the contact, merely looked at Sebastian in confusion. Sebastian, however, ignored the look and circled around to tuck the second explosive in the back pocket of Claude's slacks.

"What are you doing?" Claude finally demanded.

Amazingly enough, Claude did not protest when Sebastian wormed Ciel out of the spider's arms, tucking the child Earl securely under his arm. With his other he stared at the one remaining grenade in his hand before examining his opponent's body for a moment.

Yup. That would work.

"Pardon me, but I am afraid you will have to exit the grounds. You are no longer welcome here," Sebastian said serenely.

He raised the grenade to his mouth, yanked out the bolt with his teeth, and shoved the explosive into Claude's mouth before diving back inside of the manor, slamming the door shut behind him.

Luckily for Ciel, the Trancy demon never again tried to steal him away from his butler. Unluckily for Sebastian . . . he had the entire front of a manor to repair and a . . . disturbing mess to clean on their front steps.

But at least he had disposed of the grenades . . .

**.**

**END. Phew~ I had fun with that one. Hope you enjoy it, gang! **

**Next week's request is from Lory. I hope you'll be back to read it~**

**~Shadow**


	30. Shotas Always Win!

**I keep telling myself that I need to start writing these on Thursdays I can have them ready to go on Friday morning . . . but then I get busy writing something else and never end up doing it on time. BUT NO MORE. I'm doing it early this time, so that when all you guys get home from a craptastic day of classes you can be like, "Oh, look. Claude died again. MWAHAHAHA."**

**This week's request is from Lory~ We're about to have a twist to the ending of the second season, which I haven't done yet . . . so this is going to be fun. XDD Beginning of it will be based on that scene with Alois and Ciel in the last episode, so bear with me, kay? It'll be slightly different, though, because we're going to pretend that Sebastian didn't just kill Claude in the scene before that. XDD**

**Chapter Rating: T. I don't know why. But it is.**

**Disclaimer: Kuroshitsuji is Toboso Yana's. As usual. -_-**

**Drabble Number Thirty: Shotas Always Win!**

**.**

"But . . . I'm okay with not knowing . . ."

As Alois's soul began to shimmer, light radiating off of him and into the blackness beyond, Ciel frowned. Was this really the way he wanted it to end? As much as he disliked the older boy, Ciel felt like there was a certain . . . debt he owed him. Not only for the Contract he had made with Hannah Annafellows, but also for . . . well, entertaining him for the past few weeks.

"Trancy. Wait a moment."

The glow dissipated just a bit, and it was followed by a frustrated sigh. "I'm trying to die in peace here."

"You don't really think it's alright not to know, do you? I fail to understand why you believe you can be happy with Claude when he was the one to kill you in the first place. He will never appreciate you. He believes you were worthless while you were alive."

"I know that! But . . . but Luca . . ."

"I can bring you from this space with me. You can regain your body—I will be a demon, and I can do that much at the very least—and get revenge on Claude for doing such a despicable thing to you. I plan on killing the brute myself, before Sebastian can. It is my responsibility. If it were not for my soul being lusted after, none of this would have transpired."

"You have _such _a huge ego about your own soul," Alois snorted, but it was clear that he was considering the offer. "I _did _inherit the Trancy mansion and all that . . ."

"You could live in luxury for the rest of your life," Ciel pointed out needlessly. "No more demons or tricks. Think about it."

"Yeah, it's pretty tempting . . ."

"Decide, Trancy. Either way, I am fed up with this game."

The light surrounding the blonde flickered dangerously before abruptly disappearing. Ciel turned around and smirked at Alois, then rose to his feet and extended a hand. "Shall we end this madness?"

"Yeah." Alois smirked. "Then everyone can lust after _my _soul instead of yours."

"I find that highly unlikely considering that Sebastian never looked twice at you."

". . . You are incredibly unfair sometimes, Ciel. Do you know that?"

**.**

The body in Hannah's arms shifted prematurely, writhing and twisting as it split in two. Shocked, Hannah let the thing in her arms drop to the unforgiving ground and then watched as the body became separate beings. On the left it stayed the same: Ciel Phantomhive sat up, blinking red demon eyes blearily. On the right, the maid was utterly shocked to find her master rolling onto his side, letting out a quiet breath of contentment.

"Hannah," Ciel stated calmly, "Where are those two idiotic butlers fighting?"

"D-Down there, in the cavern beneath us . . . Danna-sama, I don't understand. We had a Contract—"

"I'll explain later, Hannah," he brushed off idly, and then he and Ciel were running down into the cavern, leaving behind one bewildered maid.

**.**

"Stop!" Ciel yelled out as they caught sight of the battling demons. They had almost been too late; Sebastian stood with the demon sword poised over Claude's stomach, merely a second away from pushing it into the other demon. "I deserve the right to kill him myself."

"Young Master . . ." Sebastian breathed in surprise, followed by a similar outburst on Claude's part. Then, however, Claude seemed to grasp a hold of the situation and dove to the side, hoping to escape before things got out of hand.

"Hold him in place before he gets away, you dolt!" Ciel hissed before plucking the sword from Sebastian's hand.

"You know, that was in Hannah's mouth," Alois commented idly while they watched Sebastian grab onto Claude's arms.

"Yes, I know. I expect a thorough bath upon returning to my manor, to say the least. Ah, thank you, Sebastian."

"Why the hell are you a demon?" Claude hissed, blinking rapidly in anger and confusion; he was missing his glasses. "And why is Danna-sama here? I killed him!"

"Questions I don't believe I want to tell a dying man. Prepare yourself, Claude Faustus, for you shall be killed by the very soul you were lusting after."

Then Claude, with a sword aimed straight at his face and three faces staring down coldly at him, did something none of them expected. He turned to Sebastian, eyes wide and pleading, bottom lip quivering like a child's. "P-Please," he stuttered, "don't let them . . . I'll do anything . . . I'll even give you _Alois_ . . ."

"Hey!" the blonde protested.

"Begging?" Ciel scoffed with a shake of his head. "You are pitiful, Faustus. I cannot see what Alois saw in you, unless you foolishly deceived him. Someone like you doesn't deserve to live."

"Please! Sebastian!"

The tips of Sebastian's fingers lifted from the fabric of Claude's jacket, as though he was considering the idea. His eyes flickered contemplatively between the two boys and the spider demon . . .

"They're cuter than you are," he finally announced, and tightened his fingers again.

Alois giggled, "Aww, you're so sweet, Sebastian!"

"Of course I'm cuter than he is," Ciel snorted, and then slammed the blade down. "Everyone loves shotas."

**.**

**Because . . . because shotas are wonderful. Yup. *shot for being a shota lover* Anyway, my dear, I hope you enjoyed your request! I had fun writing it. :3 **

**Next week's request is from Destination Pineapple . . . and it's one you're all going to read based on some past controversy about this subject. *insert evil laughter here***

**~Shadow**


	31. Love Child

**OH HAI. *waves* Everyone's in the middle of finals, aren't they? I'm so out of sync since I'm not in school this semester, but since it appears that FFN has pretty much been dead for the past week or so that's what's going on. *actually misses having finals***

**I'm late, I know. I got distracted on Friday . . . I was reading an absolutely amazing Fullmetal Alchemist fanfic, and I can't jump from crazy alchemists to arguing butlers in one move. XD**

**Ugh, I feel like I haven't updated my FFN in ages, even though I know it's just been last week since I did. *dies* Anyway, this week's request, as promised, is from Destination Pineapple. I've been looking forward to this one because of all the crack comics about it, and I'm only too glad to add my contribution to this area. **

**Slight references to the manga this time, by the way.**

**Chapter rating: K+, no severe violence this time. Mostly just contemplation.**

**Disclaimer: *checks* Nope. Still don't own it.**

**Drabble Number Thirty-One: Love Child!**

**.**

"Alright, look. You know I don't like you . . ."

"A point that is replicated by both of us."

"And you know that I loathe working with spawn such as you . . ."

"I do not particularly find myself willing to work with a god of death myself."

"But," William T. Spears growled, clutching his Death Scythe angrily in his fist, "Neither you nor I can stand for such outrageous rumors. As such, _demon, _we shall have to get to the bottom of this before it gets out of hand."

"In that case," the elegant butler across from him stated calmly, "Perhaps you could start by deeming to call me by name. You are more than a bit blunt on that aspect."

The Shinigami appeared to choke on the name for a moment before spitting out, "Then, _Mr. Michaelis_, how does one go about finding the fault of the rumor?"

"The man in question resides at Trancy Manor," Sebastian explained, pulling distractedly at the cuffs of his immaculate jacket. "I have not seen him for myself, but I have met the child he has Contracted with, and I must say that it is enough to drive one mad. Shall we see for ourselves whether this man bears a striking resemblance to us?"

"Who began this rumor in the first place?"

"You should know," the butler scoffed, gesturing down the drive towards the harsh lights that displayed the Trancy residence before he began walking. "I believe it was Mr. Sutcliffe who mentioned it in the first place. He has a penchant for noticing things such as that. I suggest you restrain his imaginative reactions in the future, Mr. Spears."

The Death God harrumphed and stomped on past the demon, pushing his glasses further up his nose in aggravation. "I should have known it was him. Let's get this over with; I don't want to deal with overtime again, and you're delaying my job."

"You cannot deny that you are curious yourself," Sebastian pointed out.

"I cannot fathom what a combination of our features would become. If this rumor is true then the person we are seeking must be hideous. I merely wish to deny the rumor, however. That is the only reason I'm coming."

Sebastian nodded curtly as they stepped up the front steps, letting the conversation dwindle at that. The sooner they could get this over with, the better. Neither of them wanted to be here; they had other places to be. But this was a rumor that could not go rampant. It would ruin Sebastian's image, to say the least, and possibly become a point of humiliation on Will's part. No, they had to end this before it got out of hand.

Of course, it was just a rumor. They were sure it was nothing to be worried about.

The doors opened before they could announce their presence, revealing a giggling teenager in a ludicrously tiny pair of shorts. Blue eyes glanced up at the guests before the boy let out a squeal of joy. "Ooh, Sebastian! Did you bring Ciel over to play? I don't mind either way, you're good enough to look at for awhile . . ."

"Is this the residence of the demon Claude Faustus?" William demanded coldly, training his eyes on the chandelier in the center of the entrance hall. There was a faint blush on his cheeks, signifying that he was subtly embarrassed by the lewd display the Trancy child was putting on.

"Claude?" Alois Trancy asked dully. "My butler? Why do you want to see him?"

"We are merely confirming a rumor," Sebastian brushed off. "All we need is to see him and we will leave you to your . . . well. To whatever it is you do late these nights. Mr. Faustus appears to be slack. I would never allow the Young Master to stay up this late—"

"I'll get Claude for you," Alois announced flippantly. "Actually . . . HEY! CLAUDE. I ORDER YOU TO COME DOWN HERE!"

Will grimaced and glanced with distain at the Trancy boy. "Is that necessary?"

"He'll come," he replied, even as a door to the right of the entrance hall creaked open. Sebastian and William jerked their heads over to the opening, watching as the Trancy butler stepped out to await his master's orders. Two sets of burgundy and emerald eyes skimmed down sleek black hair, fashionable glasses, a firm mouth, a broad chest . . .

"Oh my God!" Will yelped, extending his Death Scythe to stab it into Claude's chest. Sebastian reacted as well, throwing a handful of dinner knives at the butler's face. At once, their twin cries echoed through the entrance hall, devoid of any emotion other than utter horror . . .

"He really does look like our love child!"

**.**

**HEE. You can't say you haven't noticed the similarities. Claude was one of the most uncreative characters they could have made for the second season. D: **

**So, another question for you guys . . . would you prefer it if I stated what the request was at the beginning of each chapter? It seems that without the summary you guys think some of them are vague as to plot lines, so posting up the request might make it a bit more understandable. Let me know so I can fix this!**

**And as always, guys, thanks so much for reading. It makes me happy to see so many people that like this.**

**~Shadow**


	32. Melt

**Hullo~ *waves***

**The people that answered my question last week agreed that I should post the nature of the request before I write it. I agree that some of my plots have been vague unless you know what's supposed to be going on, so this should make things a bit clearer. **

**With that in mind, this week's request is from Scrappel. They wanted to see "death by chocolate". *clears throat* This should be interesting. **

**Chapter Rating: K+ again. I don't think you can do too much damage with chocolate . . . well. Unless it's Claude.**

**Disclaimer: FFF. Nope. No ownage. D:**

**Drabble Number Thirty-Two: Melt!**

**.**

"CLAAAAAAUUUUUDDDDEEEEEE!"

The Trancy butler dropped the ladle in his hand, glaring up at the ceiling of the kitchen as though he could burn a hole straight through it into his master's room. He _hated _it when Alois Trancy got sick. He was a demanding, selfish brat—well, more so than usual—and was never satisfied with whatever Claude could bring him. This was the fifth time in an hour the blonde had shrieked out his name, and he hadn't even been able to finish making midday meal as of yet.

Ooh, he couldn't wait to kill this kid.

"I want chocolate," was the first thing that slid through Alois's mouth when Claude made his way back upstairs. There was a petulant little frown on the boy's face, just daring the demon to deny his demands. Obviously, he wouldn't take no for an answer.

That didn't stop Claude from trying, at least. "You are ill, Highness," he sighed. "You should refrain from sweets until after your cold has died down sufficiently."

"Claude," Alois growled, "do I have to order you to make me chocolate?"

Just as he thought. There would be no consideration for the kid's own health. Pressing his lips into a disapproving frown, he bowed to the form in the bed. "Yes, Your Highness."

Claude had to bite back the response he wanted to use: that he was allergic to chocolate. Still, it was humiliating to admit such a thing, and so he shrugged it off instead of alerting Alois to this fact. Besides, he wouldn't be the one consuming it.

Although . . . he liked chocolate. A lot. Demon or no, the taste of chocolate was wonderful on his tongue, and he was rather addicted. It took all of his strength to resist tasting the succulent treat. Sometimes he even wondered if Alois knew those facts . . .

No, of course not. His master would never be that cruel to him.

Claude made the chocolates in record time . . . though that could have been because he hadn't been interrupted at all while he was doing so. It was a recipe he knew well—Alois often enjoyed serving chocolate to guests—and he had long since perfected it. His master loved the crème-filled chocolates as well as the plain pieces, and the demon made sure to create both examples. It almost seemed like a hobby rather than a chore to bring such rich treats to life.

Once they had dried, he arranged them on a platter in a decorative setting. To his dismay, however, there was one piece left over that simply would not fit in with the rest of the design. He glared at the innocent treat for a good minute before he turned his back to it, leaving it out on the tray for one of the other servants to snack on. He pushed his way out of the kitchen . . .

That _smell_.

Oh, how Claude loved that sweet, musky scent that wafted from the little pieces of candy on his tray. He glanced backwards through the open door of the kitchen to that lone little piece. It looked so lonely . . . surely one piece wouldn't do anything to him? Besides, he was a demon. After all, he couldn't be killed by normal means. What could one piece of chocolate do to him?

He looked left and right before diving back into the kitchen, easily holding onto the platter of Alois' chocolates. He practically crammed the single piece into his mouth, eyes rolling back in his head at the sheer pleasure it brought his taste buds. Yes, this was definitely worth it. Even if he did break out in an atrocious rash for a day, he would not forget the wondrous flavor of the chocolate.

It helped that it was his own cooking, too.

With that craving taken care of, he then made his way upstairs to his master's room with the platter. Alois seemed to have been patiently waiting; the Trancy boy was sitting up in his bed, pouting at the room in general and sniffing every few seconds thanks to his cold. As Claude entered his face lit up and he sighed out, "Finally!"

"Your Highness, I highly suggest that you not eat them all at once while you are in such a frail condition," Claude responded solemnly as he placed the platter down on a small table next to the bed.

"I'm not stupid, Claude. I know not to eat them all. I've learned my lesson." A pale hand reached out and lifted the very top piece from the display on the platter. Claude struggled not to lick his lips as he watched his master devour the chocolate; the rich scent of cocoa assaulted his nose yet again. Though, he realized, he probably should not have eaten that first piece; he could already feel his throat becoming a bit tight thanks to his allergy.

"Is it to your liking?"

"See for yourself," Alois said idly.

The invitation was there; Claude was welcome to eat another piece of the delicious chocolate. He knew he shouldn't, but he wanted to, so bad . . . he closed his eyes to block the sight of them. "Your Highness, I am afraid I must decline—"

"It's unfair for you not to taste your own sweets. I order you to try one, Claude."

. . . Oh hell.

Hesitantly he reached out and chose one of the crème-filled pieces, assuming that the less chocolate there was, the less of a reaction he would receive. Once more that heady taste flooded his mouth. He wanted to moan, it tasted so good. But he kept his solemn face in place and merely nodded at his master to show that he approved.

Alois seemed pleased with the outcome and turned back to eating the sweets.

It was only a moment later that Claude discovered his throat was closing . . . a bit too much. The allergy seemed to be taking more of an effect on him than he thought. He frowned to himself, taking an experimental breath only to gag as the air wouldn't come. His throat seemed to be swelling, a side-effect he had never experiences before. Really, he'd only had two pieces; it shouldn't be affecting him this much . . .

"Claude?" the Trancy boy asked curiously. "You look funny."

Claude opened his mouth to reply, give some lie about him being perfectly fine, but all that came out was a faint wheeze, and along with it was the last of his air. He blinked in surprise; surely a demon couldn't die from a human allergy? It was utterly ridiculous, but then, it would explain why he could no longer breathe . . .

And then he began to choke . . .

His eyesight went hazy . . .

And then . . .

_Thump. _

**.**

**So, judging by the requests I've received, Claude is allergic to three things so far. The first one, obviously, is chocolate. The other two I haven't gotten to yet, but you'll know it when you read it. Just for the lulz, I think I'm going to maintain those allergies through the rest of the one-shots, to connect them all somehow. :3 **

**This should have been posted earlier but there was a thunderstorm in our area and I had to turn my computer off for a few hours while we waited it out. So it's late, but it's here! Please enjoy~**

**~Shadow**


	33. Bad Eyesight

**Unf, the weeks go by way too quickly anymore. I feel like I don't have enough time for anything. D: **

**Right, so this week's request is from KittyKata (usually I say who it's going to be the week before, but I totally forgot last time . . .)! It's been awhile since I've done one of your requests, so I'm excited to do another one. Anyway, KittyKata asked for a Claude death involving Claude's spare set of glasses. So . . . who knows what could go wrong with THAT situation.**

**Rating: T for blood. :3 **

**Disclaimer: . . . I'm kind of tired of admitting that I don't own squat. **

**Number Thirty-Three: Bad Eyesight!**

**.**

If there was one trick Claude was good at, it was allowing his glasses to fall onto his face gracefully after throwing them in the air. Ah, how he loved the thrill of watching them fall down, never knowing if they would slide docilely behind his ears or if the ear piece would sink into his eye socket instead. It was such an acute sense of danger . . .

But, he was a demon, so it didn't really count. It wasn't like it could kill him.

Every morning, when he got ready to start a new day as the Trancy butler, he began the same routine. The glasses went on first; they always came first, before even his clothes. He would get dressed, then, in his butler attire. And finally, he would check his front pocket to ensure that he had his spare set of glasses with him. It would complete his ensemble, even if no one knew they were there, resting against his fake heart.

Imagine his surprise, then, to wake one morning to discover his spare pair missing from his bedside table. It was horrifying, to say the least, and he wasted half an hour crawling around on his floor trying to find them. Finally he just forgot about it and went about his morning duties, thinking that perhaps he had left them somewhere the day before during his duel with Sebastian. They would turn up eventually for sure.

**.**

"What on earth are you doing to those things?"

Alois giggled at the question and made another adjustment to the pair of glasses in his hands. "  
Claude's been very disobedient lately, you know," he offered as an explanation. "I think I need to punish him."

"By putting blades on the ends of it? How is that going to punish him?" Ciel raised an eyebrow skeptically at his companion. It wasn't like he wanted to be there in the first place, but with Sebastian running errands there was no one else to occupy his time. So far, it was shaping up to be just as uninteresting as it would have been at his own mansion.

"You'll just have to see for yourself, neh, Ciel?" The blonde cocked his head to the side as he stared at the rigged glasses. After a moment he squeezed the temple in, pushing them closer together. "Claude has good aim, so I have to be sure it'll hit where I want it to. I think that does it, then!" He hopped up from his bed and gestured for Ciel to follow. "Let's go play a trick on Claude!"

"Alois, I don't think—"

"You don't need to think to play this kind of game."

"Ugh. Fine. But if you get caught, this wasn't my idea."

**.**

He should have known that was where the glasses had ended up. His bratty little master stood just in front of him, waving the set in the air like they were some sort of toy. Ciel Phantomhive stood just behind him, infallible frown of annoyance upon his face. The expression was so endearing that Claude found himself forgetting about his spectacles for the moment in preference for staring at the Earl. Ah, to think that someday soon this succulent piece of flesh would be his . . .

"Hey Claude, I found your glasses!" Alois announced cheerfully, effectively disrupting the demon's daydream. "They were in the hallway; did you drop them?"

Ah, perhaps that had been the case. He distinctly recalled bending over to pick a piece of dirt from the carpet; there had been ample time for them to slip out of his pocket. He reached forward and plucked the lenses from his master's hand, inspecting them thoroughly to ensure that the glass was not cracked. "How kind of you to return them in one piece," he replied monotonously.

"You're welcome!" Alois answered, not caring in the slightest that the thank you had only been out of a sense of duty. "So, now that you have them, you should show Ciel that trick you do with them! You know, when you throw them in the air and—"

"I know very well what 'trick' you are describing; you do not need to spell it out for me."

"So?" the boy quipped, unfazed. "Show him! With the spares!"

"Well, of course." Claude glared at the boy in annoyance. He would never use his normal pair for such a petty trick, even if he _was _perfect at it. But . . . the prospect of impressing Ciel was too big an offer to reject. Yes, he would show with this move just how much better he was than Michaelis. Then Ciel would stay here, at the Trancy home, and Claude could finally taste that precious soul . . .

"Very well," he commented idly, as though it were no big deal. Carefully he removed his other pair of glasses and tucked them safely into his pocket. His spare set was nothing special, just the frame and the lens, but they always worked for showing off nonetheless. He then stepped away from the two nobles and, striking a perfect pose with his head thrown back and his legs close together, he threw the glasses up into the air.

"Hee, this is gonna be great," Alois snorted.

The arc of the glasses was perfect, and the lenses shone as they flew past the window and began their descent. Yes, it would be another perfect performance, one capable of impressing the Young Master . . .

But wait.

Why were the ear pieces glinting too? And . . . was the temple a bit narrower than before? Something seemed odd . . .

Of course, he didn't have time to think on that as the glasses made contact . . . with his eyeballs.

"Gross," Ciel announced calmly.

"Whoa," Alois breathed. "And here I thought he didn't have any brains."

**.**

**So . . . this morning my hard drive decided to crash. I've managed to revive my computer somewhat . . . but all of my documents were erased. Luckily I had them saved on my flash drive, but you can blame my idiotic laptop for your late update. D: It's almost 3 in the morning here, but I wanted to get this finished for you guys. **

**Next week's request is from White-Ark's-Melody!**

**Thanks for reading, as always, guys! Your reviews make me so happy. :3 **

**~Shadow**


	34. Won't You Say You Love me Too?

**So did anyone know that the name "Claude" is Latin? And that its English meaning is . . . get this . . . "Lame." *bursts out laughing* I love how that's the kind of information I find when I'm looking for a name for an RP App. **

**Kay, so this week's request is from White-Ark's-Melody . . . and they asked for Claude to die . . . while listening to the Barney song. I did NOT watch the episode I'm referring to in this chapter, so it's not going to be accurate. **

**Warning: UTTER CRACK ENSUES. If you can handle this ridiculousness, then enjoy~**

**Rating: K+**

**Drabble Number Thirty-Four: Won't You Say . . . **

**.**

Alois hated blood, and to see it dripping from his body at such a steady rate horrified him. But as he dragged his weakened body through the thick fringe of trees, scraping his knees on the hard ground, his dislike for blood had been pushed to the far recesses of his mind. It was nothing, not when he had realized that he was alone . . . by himself, in the dark, with no one to protect him.

He was terrified, to say the least.

But he needed to see Ciel, needed to talk to him . . . who knew for what reason, really. Revenge, obviously. So he crawled on, hardly daring to breath, feeling his life force drain out of him at every movement. Surely he would die before he even made it close to the Phantomhive manor. He wished Claude would show up and take him away from here, back to his warm bed or to his rival's home to get back at him for this. He'd be lucky if his butler even found him anytime soon, though. It was his fault for crawling off, he supposed . . .

It became too hard for him to move after a few more minutes—his arms were shaking too much and he was beginning to feel lightheaded—so he slumped back against a tree and wearily glanced around at his surroundings. He felt swamped by weeds and bushes, lost and alone . . . and there was no one coming to save him, at this point. He knew Claude didn't really care about him. Not after what had happened during the sword fight with Ciel. The demon had no use for him anymore. He probably didn't even want to eat a soul as screwed as his.

A low growling echoed through the small clearing he was in, but Alois didn't so much as stir. If no one was coming to save him, then what was the point in staying alive any longer? He would just bleed out anyway. Better to die quickly than slowly, and being some animal's prey would definitely bring about his end in a faster fashion. He inched his eyes upwards just long enough to catch sight of the wolf creeping towards him before he sighed, resigning himself to his fate. This was it . . .

There was the horrendous sound of something crunching, and Alois felt a warm liquid splash across his face . . .

But there was no pain.

Alois blinked his eyes open one more time, this time to see Claude standing there, flinging the dead wolf off to the side. There was a gentle looking in the butler's face, one that he had never seen before . . . and the boy's hope soared.

"Claude!" he exclaimed happily, forcing his way to his knees. "Claude, you came for me!"

"Of course, Your Highness," the butler intoned monotonously, never blinking as the Trancy boy grabbed onto his pant legs. "I would never abandon you."

A sense of desperation forced its way onto Alois, then; the thought of Claude leaving him again was almost too much to bear. "Please," he begged, clinging tighter to the fabric in his hands, "Please don't go! Don't leave me!"

"Highness . . ."

"I . . . I love you, Claude! We're a family, right? And families stick together, so . . . oh shit, what was that song Luca used to sing . . . uh . . ."

"A song, Your Highness? You must be delusional."

"Shut up, Claude, no I'm not. Ah, that's how it goes . . ." He cleared his throat, looked up at Claude with the most sorrowful look in his eyes that he could muster, and began to sing.

"_I love you, you love me . . ." _

Claude stiffened visibly, his face taking on a deadly pallor as though he had recognized the song. But surely he hadn't; it was something Luca had made up years ago. He'd said something about dreaming of a purple dragon . . . whatever that meant. He continued to sing.

"_We're a happy family . . ." _

"A-Alois, stop with that infernal noise . . ."

"_With a great big hug . . ."_

"Alois!"

"_And a kiss from me to you . . ." _

He thought it was odd that Claude was reacting so violently to the song. It wasn't like it was dangerous. Perhaps . . . maybe Luca _hadn't _made it up? And the demon had heard it somewhere before?

"_Won't you say . . ." _

Either way, it looked like he were about to faint, but he didn't feel inclined to stop singing. He needed Claude to know what he felt about the situation! And so as Claude wobbled . . .

"_. . . you love me too?"_

_Thump._

**.**

***shot for using the "thump" method again* **

**God. I think the worst part is that the dumb song has been embedded in my memory. *sobs* I recalled it word for word. **

**And uh . . . yup. I'm going to completely ignore the fact that I've just left Alois out in the woods alone again. XD I love you, Alois, I really do . . . sorry.**

**I hope you enjoyed this week's! Next week we'll have a request from Maara Annika~ **

**~Shadow**


	35. Eat Up

**Yeeeey, it's Friday again~ I feel so lazy as far as writing goes, though. I have multiple pieces to work on, but I haven't finished any of them . . . I feel like I haven't updated on FFN in ages, even though this one gets bumped every week. Hopefully soon you'll see a "Break my Suffering Bonds" update; I'm working very hard to get that finished for everyone. For now . . . **

**This week's request is from Maara Annika! The request was to see Sebastian's pet (whatever that may be) bite Claude's head off. *snickers a bit* This . . . should be quite entertaining. (By the way, I suggest listening to some James Bond music while you read this. *shot*)**

**Chapter Rating: T because . . . there is no way someone's head can get bitten off in the K+ range. That would just be . . . yeah. So anyway. Om nom.**

**Disclaimer: As always, I own no part of Kuroshitsuji other than my crack-filled ideas.**

**Drabble Number Thirty-Five: Eat Up!**

**.**

Ah, what a beauteous day for a Phantomhive raid!

The clouds were covering the sky, no birds tweeted across the trees, and most of all, the rain was pouring down, meaning that Ciel Phantomhive would be holed up in his study, sitting in that chair and all ripe for the taking. And Sebastian . . . Sebastian would be busy keeping their three idiotic servants in line, leaving the way clear for Claude.

Oh yes. He would be stealing some souls today.

He had taken the liberty some time ago to scout the Phantomhive estate . . . and to learn all of the ins and outs just in case something went wrong. Of course, because he was so perfect, nothing was going to go wrong. But just in case. Anyway, he already had a map routed out for his kidnap this _lovely _afternoon, and all he had to do was carry it out. Already he could hear Sebastian yelling in the kitchen about . . . what was that? A flamethrower?

How odd. Disregarding that.

The point was, Ciel was all by himself. And now was the perfect chance to come after the child, drug him, and preferably carry him off into the sunset without getting disturbed. It was definitely going to work out that way. Then he could have his way with the kid . . . maybe he'd make Alois watch to get some sort of jealous reaction . . . and eat that jizz-worthy soul after it all.

Sneaking into the mansion was as simple as taking the soul of a baby. If there was no threat of invasion, then the servants weren't looking, and it made everything way too easy. The master of the house, of course, would not even care to pay attention, thinking that it was the job of the servants . . . and that meant Ciel's guard would be down as well.

Claude tiptoed through the front entrance, reluctantly marveling at how clean it looked under Sebastian's care. Even the Trancy mansion . . . no, he would not think of that. It would be like admitting that Sebastian was better than him, which he wasn't, you know. Back to the point, he crept up the large spiraling stairs and onto the second floor, where Ciel Phantomhive's study resided. This was far too easy, and really, he should have been more cautious. But he could still hear Sebastian yelling in the kitchen, and it sounded like the servants were all assembled together, so he was alone.

Oh, he was _loving _this.

The study room was closed shut, but that was expected. Ciel wouldn't leave his door open on the off chance that a servant would try to walk in unannounced. It simply wasn't right. Anyway, it didn't matter; it was shut, not locked. Claude checked his pocket to make sure he still had the chloroform cloth . . . and then valiantly slammed open the doors of the study, poking his chest out to make it seem like he was rescuing a damsel in distress—

Only to find that Ciel Phantomhive was fast asleep on top of his paperwork.

And that there was a giant tiger in his face.

Hastily Claude yanked out the chloroform rag and shoved it into the creature's face, sure that it would do the trick. Instead . . . the tiger lazily bit on the rag, chewed it for a moment, and swallowed it with the closest thing to a smile an animal could get. Then it eyed Claude . . .

Its jaw was over his head within a second, biting down until . . .

_Snap_.

"Sebastian!" Ciel hollered in aggravation. "Your stupid cat ate someone again!" He pouted at the scene and laid his head back down on his makeshift pillow, mumbling to himself, "Ugh, and he's supposed to be _guarding _me. Some guard he is."

**.**

**Yay, another one done~ I hope you enjoy it gaiz.**

**Next week's request is going to be from winterkitten (I'm so excited about this one gaiz). **

**~Shadow**


	36. No Way Out

**FFFF, Fridays come too fast. XD No, but really this has been a busy week for me, but here I am, posting as usual~ And this week is a sort of special week . . . **

**Because winterkitten, one of my most frequent requesters, is finally getting a response to their first request! I'm very excited, because winterkitten has been extremely patient with me, so now it's time to pay back the favor. For the first of many, winterkitten has asked for an epic shinigami death. I'd give the summary like I normally do, but I think that would spoil this right away, and I don't want that. **

**Rating: T, for death scythes~ And some violence, of course. Can't kill Claude without some violence every now and then. **

**Disclaimer: Toboso Yana owns all of these gorgeous characters! **

**Drabble Number Thirty-Six: No Way Out! **

**.**

A flash, a slice, and twin pieces of identically colored fabric flying into the air . . .

They were at it again. Biting and scratching like a pair of annoyed cats, scrabbling for purchase on any solid object they could find. All because of one little scrap of food. One would think they were starving, watching these foolish antics. And that one . . . yes, _that _one! . . . had his own meal to devour, so why did he want the other?

Using his weapon to push his glasses further up his nose, Will could not resist rolling his eyes at the foolish display of frivolity.

"Wiiiiilllllll," Grell moaned, sagging against the other reaper's shoulder in aggravation. "Can't we jump in? That hideous-looking man is going to hurt my Sebby-chan!"

"It is not our fight to—"

The man fighting Michaelis altered his body slightly, his face lit in the faint moonlight of the dark night.

Will was _repulsed_. The resemblance was horrifying, to say the least. The glasses, the expression . . . no, just _no_. Had this demon seriously made himself a copy of . . . wait, no, that wasn't possible. Perhaps it was just a coincidence . . .

But either way, Will refused to allow someone that looked like him to exist in the same world he was in. There was simply no room for someone else like him. None whatsoever.

Once more the Shinigami adjusted his glasses, and then he turned to his partner, a wicked grin splitting his normally emotionless features. "I believe some manner of punishment should be placed into effect," he agreed, hoisting his Death Scythe over his shoulder. "Saving Sebastian seems to take priority for the moment."

No, he did not care about Michaelis. But if it would get his love-struck partner motivated . . .

"Ooh, thank you, Willy dear!" With a disgustingly sloppy kiss to the cheek, Grell dashed off, the revving of a chainsaw alerting the two squabbling demons to the presence of another supernatural being.

Will wasted another five minutes trying to wipe off the slobber left by the smooch, mentally thanking whoever wanted to listen that Grell had not managed to kiss him straight on the mouth.

By then, Grell had jumped into the middle of the battle and stood there, stomping his feet at the other demon like it would stop the rough fighting. The Michaelis demon looked positively annoyed, but the other one just stood there, taking it all in stride. Exactly like Will would have done.

Yeah, this bastard had to _go_.

Will wasted no time in jumping in; he sent his Death Scythe sailing into the lookalike demon's face, successfully knocking off those infernal spectacles before his opponent had any idea what was going on.

Michaelis had a condescending smirk waiting for him the second he stepped out from his hiding place. "Ah, Mr. Spears, come to help?"

"I have no intentions of helping the likes of _you _out. I merely have a personal vendetta to attend to at the moment."

"Ehhh? Will?" Grell exclaimed, leaning over his shoulder. "What could you possibly want do with _this _ugly guy?"

"He looks like me!" Will spat out, swinging his Death Scythe at the mystery demon's face again. "I cannot condone having someone who looks like me living in the same atmosphere as I. He must be eliminated!"

"Ooh, a match of ugly versus—"

"Sutcliffe! Are you going to help or what?"

The revving of a chainsaw echoed through the silence that followed; the Death Scythe swung precariously close to Will's neck in the redhead's excitement. "That bastard tried to kill Sebastian; of course I'm gonna kill him!"

Michaelis took a step back and sat down against a chimney top . . . well away from the festivities, and that was perfectly fine with Will.

The demon had a hideous weapon . . . a demon sword, if his memory served him right. It would be a pain to avoid it, but he believed it would not be too large of a challenge. Rather, it was the demon's eyes he needed to watch out for; now that his glasses had been knocked off, the Shinigami could see that his eyes were a golden color, meant to entrance.

"You are a hindrance," the demon stated in annoyance. "I do not appreciate the fact that you disrupted my battle. I shall have to dispose of you—"

Will and Grell moved in sync, the redhead swooping in from the right while Will ducked forward from the left. The demon normally would have seemed unfazed by this, but clearly he had not been expecting them to move while he was still talking . . .

And it cost him.

The chainsaw cleaved a deep rut into the demon's torso; blood and cinematic record spewed from the wound simultaneously. Will's Death Scythe stabbed into the area where the demon's heart should have been, and the Death God narrowly dodged a swipe of the demon sword at the same time.

The demon was dead before it even hit the roof.

"Oh, Sebby!" Grell squealed, whirling around excitedly. "I saved you, my dear! You should reward me with a passion-filled kiss . . ."

Will spat into the demon's unmoving face. "_No one_ abuses my face in such a way," he huffed out . . . and pushed his glasses up once again.

**.**

**And THAT, my friends, is the tale of Vanity the Shinigami.**

…**Just kidding. **

**Also, a small thanks for 300 reviews; you guys are the best~ *hugs* **

**Next week's request is from Arwynn1245; I think you'll like this one a lot too. **

**Until then, gaiz! Thanks for reading!**

**~Shadow**


	37. Stuck on You

**Haha, I feel so caught up on all my chapters now that I've updated them all . . . it feels so weird. Weird enough that I can work on this without having to rush anything this week. So . . . hopefully this week's one shot will sound more put together than they have been lately. **

**This week's request is from Arwynn1245, and let me tell you . . . I had to do a lot of thinking for this one, which was awesome! The want to see Claude killed via sticky notes and Grell. I . . . would be glad to oblige. *starts giggling furiously***

**Rating: K+ because . . . I don't exactly think you can get too violent with sticky notes. Then again . . . it is Grell . . . *doodles mini chainsaws on the sticky notes***

**Disclaimer: Uh . . . no. Nope.**

**Drabble Number Thirty-Seven: Stuck on You!**

**.**

Grell hated paperwork.

No, actually, he detested it, to the fullest extent . . . he hated it even worse than he hated that Phantomhive brat. All he did was sit around at a desk, filling out paperwork that no one would ever actually read, wishing that someone would come and tell him he could get back to his _real _job. He missed his Scythe far too much for comfort; the stupid little scissors weren't good enough to do anything worthwhile . . . other than cutting up the paperwork he was busy filling out.

So, of course, when his darling Will asked him to dispose of a nuisance, he was _only _too glad to accept the offer. His only disappointment was that he wouldn't be getting his real Death Scythe back anytime soon . . .

Oh. Not to mention, he'd been asked to _take notes_, of all things.

Since he didn't want to make his coat look bulky—good looks were everything for a woman, after all—he thought that sticking a pad of paper into his pocket would be positively hideous. Instead, he dug around on his temporary desk, trying to find something he could write on that would fit unnoticeably upon his person.

Finally he dove outwards from the ridiculous stacks of paper, a single pad of sticky notes clasped in his hand. Sure, it wasn't the best writing material, but it wouldn't crinkle when he moved and no one would notice the little square in his pocket . . . well, in any case, it would have to do. Besides, he would be taking the bare minimum as far as notes went. He would be too busy playing with his job . . .

He found the victim for his job out in the woods, standing over the motionless body of a teenager. Grell sucked in an excited breath; there was blood, so much _blood_, and it was gorgeous . . . oh, how he loved it! Of course, the soul of the child wouldn't be his; it was nowhere to be found, which kind of pissed him off, to say the least. What _was _it with demons and their meals? Why didn't they just . . . eat them and be done with it?

Well, whatever. It would have been his last meal anyway.

"Ah, what a beautiful sight!" he called out, stepping into the bloody clearing with his hands on his hips. "Red is such a lovely color, don't you think?"

"Reaper," the demon intoned monotonously, rising to his feet. "You cannot have this soul."

Grell chuckled, reaching into his concealed pockets for his scissors. "You see, it's not the soul I'm after, though. It's you."

"What have I done to incur the wrath of God?" the demon snorted. "Your so-called association can pin nothing on me."

"Che, I could care less about that. All they told me was to get rid of you . . . and you see, I do enjoy blood, so very much. I think I'm going to have fun playing with you."

The demon moved faster than Grell could blink, diving past the reaper in so little time that he barely managed to duck away from a carefully positioned fist. He skittered backwards, hastily yanking his scissors from his pockets. He barely managed a look of pained disgust towards the things before the demon was on him again, this time lashing out with a foot.

"Aahn, you're so brutal~!" he yelled out with a giggle, using his scissors to stab rather than cut. He missed his mark by a landslide thanks to his opponent's speed, but at the very least it was his announcement that he could fight back somewhat. The demon immediately stepped back, golden eyes locked angrily on Grell.

"What a miserable weapon," the demon scoffed, taking the pair of glasses that sat on his nose and tucking them gently into his front pocket. "Do you really assume that you can defeat me with the likes of those?"

"This isn't all I have!" Grell sputtered hastily, grabbing the first thing in his pocket that he could get his hands on and yanking it out. "See—"

Oh, the sticky notes.

Well that was embarrassing.

What the hell, though? He couldn't stand to humiliate himself, in any case, so he had better think of a way to make this look like it was intentional. Fiercely he waved the pad in the air, grinning manically. "You'll never defeat me while I have these! Watch!"

The scissors snipped the little papers up rapidly, turning from paper to confetti. Grell foolishly danced all around the demon, throwing the scraps up in the air so that they fell down all over him like he had just won a prize. Most of the pieces fluttered straight to the ground, but several of them stuck to the pale face, the adhesive attaching itself to skin.

Grell stopped short then, because to his surprise, the demon was looking at him in horror, hastily trying to yank the little pieces of paper away from his body. Wherever the notes had touched, the skin was red and swelling, turning the face into an unrecognizable mush.

That was just _too _funny.

"You're allergic to the tape!" the redhead screeched in amusement, loud guffaws making their way from his mouth. He barely caught the sullen glare sent in his direction before those eyes closed and the man fell to the ground, just as still as the other body.

And Grell, still giggling like his life depended on it, bent down to prod the motionless body with his scissors. "Ooh, just wait till Willy hears about this~!"

**.**

**And there you guys go: the second allergy! Yes. Claude is allergic to sticky notes. Well, tape in general, but for the sake of keeping everything together we're just going to say sticky notes. **

**One more allergy to go~! **

**Bwah, I love writing Grell. He's too entertaining. I hope you guys enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! **

**~Shadow**


	38. To Save a Soul

**UGH THIS IS LIKE THE LATEST UPDATE EVAR. But I have an excuse, which is . . . **

**FFF I've had the most miserable week EVER as far as internet problems go. Some dude came in to replace our cable box . . . and ever since, our router has been as faulty as HELL. *sobs* Although . . . on the bright side, I don't have a procrastination station for the moment, so I can write more~**

**This week's request is from TallerThanThough ShorterThanThough! This is going to be a crossover between Kuroshitsuji and D. Gray-Man, so I promise to make it as clear as possible so you aren't confused the whole time. Just remember: the characters of DGM are exorcists out to kill akuma, or demons. As long as you've got that part down I think we're all good~**

**Rating: T this time around, for Kanda and Mugen. Oh mai~**

**Disclaimer: Kuroshitsuji is Toboso Yana's, and D. Gray-Man is Katsura Hoshino's.**

**Drabble Number Thirty-Eight: To "Save" a Soul!**

**.**

"As I am sure you well know," Komui Lee stated tiredly from his place beneath several mounds of paper, "there have been rumors of a very strong akuma in London. Normally, I would ignore said rumors, but . . . well, there was a train accident the other day said to involve the akuma and I would rather it be taken care of. So . . . you guys will take care of it, okay?"

"Brother," Lenalee huffed, straightening our her skirt from her seat on the couch, "what about the mission details?"

"What? Oh, you don't need those." A hand emerged from the pile and waved at them idly. "Just consider this a training exercise."

"If it's a training exercise, then why do you need to send four of us?" Allen asked with more than just a bit of trepidation.

"Isn't it obvious, Moyashi-chan?" Lavi snorted dramatically. "They want us out of their hair for awhile."

"But we haven't done anything . . ."

"_Exactly_. See? We can't be lazy Exorcists forever or we'll never win, right?" The redhead grinned widely and ruffled Allen's hair a bit too roughly for comfort.

"Let's just get this over with," Kanda huffed then, rising to his feet with a sour face. "The sooner we can get this done the better."

"Have fun!" the mound of papers yelled at them as they left.

**.**

"What the hell?" Kanda demanded in annoyance. "There's no train accident here."

"The only sign that anything happened is that tunnel over there," Allen sighed, pointing. "See how it's broken? It kind of looks like something a head would do . . . except we know that's not possible or anything."

"The train accident happened yesterday anyway," Lenalee mused. "Why would the akuma still be here?"

"The criminal always returns to the scene of the crime?" he offered weakly. "It might show up. You know, to see if it missed anything. Komui never did say whether it killed anyone though . . ."

"We don't know anything about it, to be honest," Lavi responded lightly. "Guess we'll just have to wait here, won't we?"

"The hell I'm going to stand around waiting for some dumb akuma to come blundering its way over here. I'm going to go look for it." Kanda moved to walk off, one hand resting firmly on Mugen.

"Kanda, wait!" Allen hastily stated; his eye was beginning to whir and come to life, signaling the presence of a nearby akuma. Instantly the other three were on alert, scanning the deserted train tracks for any signs of what they were looking for. After a moment, Allen pointed silently to a spot behind the abandoned train, and as they trained their eyes on that area, a single man emerged. "That's him," the white-haired exorcist stated calmly.

The akuma sauntered up to them, no expression on its impeccable face. Admittedly this was one of the best-looking akuma they had seen in their entire careers as Exorcists, but that didn't say much. Anyone could become an akuma once the Millennium Earl got a hold of them. "Excuse me," the thing drawled once it reached their sides, "have you seen the Phantomhive butler around here?"

"You're sure?" Lenalee whispered. "He seems like a gentleman to me . . . a strange one, but . . ."

"You know anyone can become an akuma," Allen whispered back evenly. "He's probably on a mission from the Earl . . . to find this Phantomhive butler or something."

"So we gonna kill him?" Lavi murmured.

"Che . . . I'm going to kill him. I don't know about you guys."

"Kanda! No rushing into things! Just wait a minute." Allen raised his head back to the akuma and said evenly, "Were you the one who was on the train yesterday?"

"Of course," the akuma scoffed. "Those despicable humans were running all over my place, I couldn't help but to—"

"Yup, he's the one," Lenalee sighed. "Guess we should take him out now?"

"Nothing else for it," Allen shrugged, activating his innocence. "Pitiful akuma, may God have mercy on your soul . . . and may you rest in piece."

"What are you, clergymen?" the man demanded calmly, obviously not phased by Allen's grotesque arm or the hammer and sword that rested in the two other boys' grasps. "Do you think _I _wrecked the train—"

"Shut up," Kanda growled, slicing Mugen all the way through the akuma's stomach. Blood spurted from the spot of injury, and the akuma fell to the ground directly after . . .

"Didn't know akumas could bleed," Lavi mused thoughtfully.

"They can't," Allen responded. "But my eye stopped reacting so I guess we got rid of the problem, right?"

"Guess so~!" Lenalee laughed. "Really, though, Kanda, you should be more patient. Someday you're going to kill someone human."

"One less to worry about," the samurai grunted as he stomped back to the Order.

And hiding behind the train, a mechanical akuma slunk off again, content to have been hidden by someone who was _not _one of them . . .

**.**

**So you'll get a double update this week thanks to my flop last week; you can expect the normal update on Friday on top of this one. Hopefully my internet will be fixed by then~**

**Next week we have a triple request, oh mai! Look forward to that~**

**Thanks for reading! **

**~Shadow**


	39. Road Roller

**Aaaaand here's your second update for this week! Our internet still isn't fixed, although we think we may know what the problem is, so for now please be patient with me. I may not always be able to update when I would like to. **

**So . . . do you guys remember **_**waaaaay **_**back at the very beginning of this little one-shot center when I posted the requesting rules? And do you remember what that request example was? WELL. It might have taken a long time here, but someone finally requested that little example. No, I lied. Not one person. Three. In which case, this week is a triple request, you might say~ So R. Vienna, savegalkissy, and Innocent Demon have requested to see Len and Rin run over Claude with their road roller~! I'm a Vocaloid dork, and the twins are my favorite, so I'm pretty excited about this. **

**Rating: K+ . . . hmm . . . I wonder if Len's crazy driving should be considered a T . . . **

**Disclaimer: Vocaloid belongs to Crypton Media, and Kuroshitsuji belongs to the lovely Toboso Yana.**

**Drabble Number Thirty-Nine: Road Roller!**

**.**

"Len! Watch out where you're driving! You almost ran over that tree!"

"Not like I can help it!" The blond boy angrily blew a stray lock of hair out of his face, craning his neck to see around the form standing in front of him. "I can't see around you!"

"Don't you go blaming this on me!"

"Look, just . . . move to the side . . . just a little!" A sickening thud reached his ears, and the contraption he was steering gave a slight jerk . . . he hoped that whatever he'd just hit had already been dead.

"Len!"

"Move!"

Needless to say, they had this very same argument every time they took the road roller out for a spin. Unfortunately for Len, he rarely won. What point was driving if he couldn't see over his sister's head? No, Rin didn't care either way, despite how many times she had claimed that she would be his eyes . . . only to wreck into a house the very next moment.

They had a rather embarrassing reputation in town, one that Len would rather not think of. The gossip was the one could hear the road roller coming from five miles away . . . everyone always knew when they were coming. And when they did, people dove for the meager protection their houses offered, shielding their pets and young ones. Rin relished the attention, towering over everyone as she danced on the roller's wheel, hollering out obscenities to further the citizens' mad dashes to get inside. And Len . . . Len was too busy concentrating on steering to care.

And as always, he slumped over on his steering switches—not like it would help anything anyway—muttering the one line he always said, without fail:

"We're gonna die."

Of course, this statement was followed by another thud and jerk. Just his luck. But this time, this time it was followed by something that was completely out of the ordinary . . .

"Len! Stop, Len, stop!"

He straightened up so fast his back gave a painful twinge, and he punched one foot down on the brake. The road roller came to a lazy, screeching halt; Rin practically tumbled down from her perch in front of her brother. "What?" he demanded.

"I think we just ran over someone!"

"Ehhhh? Really?" Hurriedly he jumped from the driver's seat, circling around to the back of the road roller to find the purpose for the painful thump they'd just been through. Sure enough, there was a man laying prone, glasses cracked and askew on his face, golden eyes wide open and staring up at nothing. He looked rather . . . flat.

Rin prodded the man with a stick, only to watch him jiggle once before becoming still again. "I think we killed him," she mused idly.

"That's a first," Len sighed, leaning against the back of their vehicle.

"Len, what are we going to do? We can't just leave him here . . . we killed someone, you know!"

He presented his sister with a discontented frown. That was right, they'd killed someone . . . he wondered if it was worth getting the road roller getting taken away from them for awhile. Master wouldn't be pleased, but . . . he wouldn't take it away for good, would he?

"Neh, Rin?" he asked curiously.

"Hmm?"

"Did you see him in front of us?"

"No . . ."

"Then it wasn't our fault, was it?" He crossed his arms over his chest with a smug smirk. "How would it be our fault when _he _was the one that stepped in front of us? He should know better!"

"Ooh, you're right!" she squealed happily. "It can't be our fault! We were just innocently driving around, you know? But . . . uh . . . what are we gonna do with him?"

With a shrug Len climbed back into the driver's seat. "Not our problem. Now let's get going before someone sees us."

"Right!" Rin climbed back up as well, and they were off again, driving through the streets and looking as awesome as ever, except . . .

"Rin, move your fat self!"

"Screw you!"

**.**

**Shorter than normal, but that doesn't mean it has any less substance than the rest of them~! I hope you enjoyed this one. **

**Next week's request is from Kitty-Bandit!**

**Thanks for reading, everyone~**

**~Shadow**


	40. Boiling Point

**In case you guys haven't noticed, I've been pretty . . . dead lately. This is partly due to some writer's block; I haven't finished anything in awhile, and I haven't felt the urge to finish it either. Also . . . I'm having some personal problems at home that are taking from my time. However, rest assured: I have no intentions of this center dying out anytime soon; just bear with me while I work through some things. Updates might be a little infrequent for awhile. However, if all goes well I should be going back to college mid-August, which will give me constant internet again . . . and more chances for updates! **

**This request is from Kitty-Bandit, and . . . I'm happy to say that we're moving back into normal requests instead of all the crossovers. At least for awhile. :3 Kitty-Bandit wanted to see Alois, Ciel, and Claude take a . . . ahem . . . **_**trip **_**to a volcano. AU guys; Ciel and Alois are younger and Claude is their fail-worthy caretaker, okay? **

**Rating: K+. Nothing violent here. :3**

**Disclaimer: Kuro isn't mine, and neither is that volcano. Unfortunately.**

**Drabble Number Forty: Boiling Point!**

**.**

"Hey Claude, is the volcano active? Cause that would be so cool!"

"No . . . I highly doubt I would be taking you to a volcano that could explode at any moment."

"Be reasonable, Alois. Knowing your luck we would have been buried under lava by now if it were active."

The blond boy huffed in annoyance and flipped around, walking backwards as he faced his two companions. "Ah, Ciel, I'm not _that _bad! Come on, you know you want to see it too. Just think, a volcano! One of the most destructive natural disaster sites in the world, you know?"

Ciel growled lightly to himself, waving a hand at the person he considered little more than a pest. "Yes, yes, you've told me several times now. However, I would _much _rather be at home than out here like this . . . on the phone, possibly, with—"

"I thought I told you to stop talking to that creep."

The shorter boy fixed an angry glare at his guardian, making a point to flip out his cell phone and check for any new texts. "Sebastian is not a creep. In fact, he's so much better to hang out with than moping at home with your so-called "family" nights . . ."

"Ciel," Claude growled in annoyance. "Give me that phone."

"Nope." Flipping the phone shut again, he moved to catch up with Alois . . . the lesser of two evils, for the moment.

Of course, Alois being Alois, had already scaled the rest of the way to the top of the volcano; by the time his two companions reached him, he was standing precariously on the edge of the volcano, peering down into its dead center. "It's so _biiig_," he giggled, tilting his head forward a little.

"Alois," Claude announced firmly even as Ciel moved up beside the blond, doing the same exact thing, "Get back before you hurt yourself."

"Don't be silly," Alois snorted in response, leaning even further out. "I won't fall. I know what I'm doing. Come on, Claude, don't be a big wimp!"

Ciel took just one fleeting look at the interior of the volcano before adopting that same bored face again, opening his phone to find that Sebastian _had_, indeed, left him a text . . . asking him if his day in hell was going well. _Just peachy_, he typed back, pressing the send button . . .

Just before Claude grabbed the phone from his hand and threw it down into the volcano, effectively silencing it forever.

"What the hell?" he shouted angrily, glaring at his guardian with barely-restrained rage. "I paid for that with my own money!"

"I told you I didn't want you talking to that bastard again! You are under _my _care, you do what I say, Ciel. That is _final_."

"_Not_," the boy hissed, _"Until you get my phone back."_

Needless to say, Claude went in after it . . . though perhaps not all that willingly.

**.**

**HNNNNG SO SHORT TT^TT **

**I tried, I really did . . . but I am still climbing over my writers block. I just felt like I needed to get this out here to you guys . . . I hate being so dead on FFN. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this . . . uh . . . thing, and hopefully I will be back to posting regularly at a very nearby date~ **

**Thanks for reading, as always! **

**~Shadow**


	41. Sushi

**OKAY, let's see if I can get back into our weekly routine~ **

**This week's request is from Kittykata . . . I have been looking forward to this one, you know. VERY much forward to it. As far as a summary goes, I'll just give you the same thing she gave me: "There is this sushi called a spider roll . . ."**

**Chapter Rating: T**

**Chapter Warnings: Sushiiiiiiiii~ And, just to make sure and keep your minds from thinking strange things . . . no, a Spider Roll is not ACTUALLY made with a spider.**

**Disclaimer: As always, Kuroshitsuji is the property of Toboso Yana.**

**Drabble Number Forty-One: Sushi (would I have named it anything else? eue)!**

**.**

"Tanaka," the Earl announced abruptly, rising from his lounge chair and habitually straightening out his clothes, "Is there absolutely _anything _to do? I find it highly unlikely that there haven't even been any invitations to decline, or that there is no letter from the Queen . . ."

"I believe, Young Master, that Mr. Sebastian is in the kitchen preparing lunch, if you wish to join him," the wizened old man, normal for once, responded.

It seemed that was the only answer he was going to receive . . . much to Ciel's displeasure, but he wasn't going to push it. Instead he merely decided to force his questions on Sebastian . . . he might, just perhaps, get a better answer from him. He scowled in annoyance and made his way downstairs to the kitchen, aggravatingly tugging at his cravat as a way to dispel his boredom for the time being.

Sure enough, just as Tanaka had said, the demon was in the kitchen, dutifully preparing yet another meal while Bard sulked off to the side. Ciel frowned from the doorway, wondering if he should even bother . . . it wasn't like he frequented the kitchen, in any case. But boredom was boredom, and if this would distract him . . .

"What is for midday meal, Sebastian?" he finally asked, making his way into the room. The butler paused in his assembling of the ingredients of the meal, cocking his head over his shoulder curiously.

"Young Master, it is hardly a normal occurrence to see you in this portion of the mansion. May I ask what brought you here?"

"You should know the answer to that. There is nothing to do." He walked closer, glancing at the ingredients laid out on the table. "What on earth are you making?"

"A recipe I learned from Tanaka, Young Master. It is a type of Japanese cuisine, called a Spider Roll." Sebastian inclined his head slightly at Ciel before stepping away from the counter. Excuse me for just a moment; I must retrieve the main ingredient."

Ciel watched his butler leave before turning his attention back to the other items. A Spider Roll . . . how undeniably odd. One would think that it would be made with _spiders, _then, rather than . . . whatever this stuff was. Not that he wanted to try eating a spider, of course. Although it would certainly be a new experience . . .

"If it's called a spider roll," he announced slowly to Bard, "then don't they put spiders in it?"

Bard, seeming overly enthused that Ciel was even noting his presence in the room, puffed out his chest, chewing furiously on his cigarette. "That's exactly what I was telling Mr. Sebastian!" Bard proclaimed. "I think Tanaka must have told him the wrong recipe, you know. Why would it be called a spider roll if there weren't no spiders in it?"

Ciel nodded thoughtfully, his eye darting around the room curiously. Suddenly he noticed the spider tucked away behind a few pans laid out on the counter as well . . . ah, so Sebastian _had _been planning to use a spider! How intriguing . . . "Bard, kill this spider; we shall do Sebastian a favor and help with the meal. We can't have him doing everything _all _the time."

The spider, if that was possible, seemed to sense what was going to happen and began to scuttle backwards. However, the tiny thing was no match for Bard's enthusiasm, and was caught within the minute . . . and whacked with one of the pots sitting there, squashing it right on the counter. Bard proudly dropped the dead spider down on top of the other ingredients, nodding at Ciel to show that he had done his job thoroughly.

It was then that Sebastian reentered the kitchen, carrying a crab that rested on a simple white cloth. Wait . . . a crab? Ciel scowled; who the hell named this food spider roll if you just put a crab on it? And then . . . well . . . oops.

"Oh dear," Sebastian sighed in exasperation, placing a gloved hand to his forehead . . . because, if demons could have headaches, he'd probably have one right about then.

**.**

"Clauuuuude!" Alois hollered out, rolling over in his bed annoyingly. Where the hell had he gone off to? Probably playing spider over at Ciel's again . . .

Stupid butler . . .

**.**

**. . . So. Anyone want a Claude roll? *offers* **

**Next week's drabble will be from KeidaHattori . . . and by the way, you should look forward to it. If this next one isn't the perfect example of crack, I don't know what it. **

**Thank you for reading and sticking with me~! **

**~Shadow**


	42. Choke

**Another Friday~ **

**. . . And I kind of faded away again. I am so sorry. Basically, I was going through a huge writer's block . . . but as of right now, I'm alternating between this, Break my Suffering Bonds, and a new Kuro fic that I hope to update more often, as it is AU and I feel will be more fun for me to work on. Hopefully I can keep this writer's block away for a long time, because I really do miss writing. Here's for another attempt! Feel free to kick my butt if I get lazy again. **

**Also I apologize if I forgot to answer anyone's reviews or requests; if you requested something, just know that they've been added to the list, so it'll be in here eventually. I'm glad people are still reading this! **

**This week's request is from KeidaHattori! As far as summary goes . . . let's just say here is Claude's third allergy, and leave it at that. I don't want to ruin this one with a summary beforehand XD**

**Chapter Rating: T**

**Chapter****Warnings:****.****.****.****Nothing****you****should****be****worried****over.****Too****much.**

**Disclaimer:****Kuroshitsuji****is,****as****always,****the****property****of****Toboso****Yana.**

**Chapter****Forty-Two:****Choke!**

**.**

Finally . . . after so much time lusting after it, craving it, seeking any taste he could possibly get from it . . . it was in his hands, his to keep, his to eat, devour . . .

Ciel's soul was finally his to hold.

Idly he glanced down at the body at his feet. He'd done nothing to harm it; there had been no need to. He had merely torn the soul right out of the former Earl, and now he clutched it in his hands, perfectly intact and just as beautiful as the boy himself. Claude smiled gently at the thing in his grip, running his thumb across it in a gross form of a caress. The soul shook in response, disgusted even in this form . . . but it could do nothing but squirm. The demon could not resist a smirk at that thought; this time, he was completely in power. Sebastian nor Ciel could do nothing to stop him.

He lowered his head to the soul in his hand, licking it to test the flavor. _Ah_, it was so delectable . . . so delectable that his throat tightened and he could hardly breathe after that one little taste. He could hardly wait to fully devour it . . .

Who was he kidding, he didn't have to wait! Sure, he wanted to savor it, keep the taste lingering for as long as possible, but . . . the soul was right there, and he had waited so long to get it. Why should he have to wait even _longer_? That was hardly fair, and he was starving, in any case. This would be a filling meal.

With a sly grin he lifted the soul above his head, holding it delicately with his thumb and pointer finger. He tilted back his head, opening his mouth wide and revealing his sharp fangs for the soul to see . . . and then he dropped the meal into his mouth, filling him with the sharp taste of what he considered to be his form of heaven.

He held the soul there, in his mouth, for just a moment, reveling in the thick taste of it. Ah, what a sense of accomplishment he felt . . . having this soul all to himself, and Sebastian could only think of how it would taste. He would never know for himself. Claude was much smarter than that filthy second-rate demon, in any case. He had been brilliant enough to nab the soul before anyone even realized it.

Unfortunately, he could only hold the meal in his mouth for so long before he knew he had to swallow; there was still the chance that Sebastian would show up and try to take the soul back. Best to eat it before anyone could try to claim it again. He began to swallow, his stomach rumbling anxiously—

Unexpectedly Claude's throat began to tighten, squeezing in before he could fully swallow the soul. Slowly the demon raised a hand to his throat, wondering why he suddenly couldn't breathe and why the soul seemed stuck halfway down. It was probably just being stubborn, of course . . . that had to be it . . .

But then he began to choke, the breath completely leaving his lungs and leaving him gasping fruitlessly. The soul squirmed out of his throat and mouth, desperately trying to find its way back to the body it belonged to. Claude assumed that the soul leaving would fix the problem; he'd probably just swallowed it the wrong way, if that was even possible . . .

But no, if anything, his throat tightened even more, until he could take in no more air at all . . .

What the hell; was he . . . _allergic_ to this particular soul?

This thought was the last one that went through Claude's mind before the lack of air affected his brain and he passed out, slumping to the ground next to the other body lying there.

By the time Ciel sat back up, soul back in place, the allergic reaction had killed the demon . . .

Needless to say, Ciel was quite proud of himself.

**.**

**. . . And there you have it, Claude's third allergy: Ciel's soul~ **

**I personally started laughing when I saw this request; I was looking forward to doing this one for quite a long time, and I hope I did justice to it! Thank you so much for the brilliant idea 3 **

**I'm in Florida at the moment, so I wouldn't expect an update next Friday . . . but I will try my hardest to get a new one out to you as soon as possible~ The next request I am going to get to is from totalamuto! **

**Thanks for reading, as usual! (And I promise I'll answer reviews this time, lol)**

**~Shadow**


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